I work 3 to midnight and during the week my 2 girls aged 5 and 3 go to school all day. I feel so guilty during the day for my "me" time that i never really relax or take time for myself. I do chores all day and cook dinner for the kids so my hubby doesn't have to. He was a stay at home dad for 4 years and didn't do that for me. My hubby works days so he's always making me feel guilty that he has them more. On the weekends, I do numerous activities with them and keep them going while he relaxes. Comments?
We'll take each of your advice into consideration! thanks!
He does do more with the girls because he probably picks them up, feeds
them, bathes them and gets them to bed. However, it is the way it is! You
do what you have to do.
If your girls are at school all day, aren't you home alone after you get up in the mornings? Maybe that's at 8am or 9am but that's still a lot of time between 9am and 3pm when you start work. I'm sure a lot of the time is chores etc but usually those are easier when you're alone vs getting dinner on the table after picking kids up etc. If your husband has them from the moment he gets home until bedtime, I hate to say it but he does have it a lot harder. I work full time and have more of your husband's schedule so don't have any "me" time really either. It seems like you should be able to work in some time for yourself between 8am and 9am and when you go to work. Or maybe I misunderstood something.
oh - I get it. You do have me time and he doesn't... Best then is if you can make sure you've done as much as possible of chores and all and then on weekends, give him time to himself. Sorry I misunderstood.
Apparently Jill never worked second shift? Do you get up with the girls and then go back to sleep? If you work until midnight you don't get to bed until when? You do need sleep. So, I would have a couple of questions about your relationship with your husband. Do you sleep together? Do you still have "we" time? Resentment from the last four years may have built up on both sides and it sounds like communication has broken down. When do you and he spend time together without the kids? When do you talk to each other?
Marriage is not a 50/50 thing. It's 100%/100%. Talk to your husband, consider counseling. Consider dating him again. Ask him a few questions about how he feels. You sound headed to trouble is my comment. Counseling is my advice.
If he has the kids from when he gets home from work until they go to bed, and doesn't cook or do chores, doesn't he have from when the girls go to bed until he does to do whatever he wants? He may have them "more" but if half or more of that time they are asleep, he gets the better end of the deal from the personal time perspective.
I don't get it? Wouldn't your "me" time be considered your sleeping time? If you don't get a good night's sleep, or day's sleep in this case, you are no good to anyone.
I'm in the same boat. I have 3 girls, and I work 3-11:30 pm, and I feel that I miss a lot of time with my oldest daughter. She is 6, and in school all day, and I've already left for work before she gets home. My main time with her is on the weekends. It's not really an issue with my younger ones. They are 3 and 1 and are home with me all day until I leave. The most important thing is to just value the time that you do have. Your husband should not be making you feel bad, you do what you have to do.
It's all about finding the right balance that works for your family. As a parent of young children, I found that my "me time" was being able to take a bath without being interupted, or having a 20 minute phone call, that's really all you get. Ask yourself which is more important to you, "me time" or time with the girls?
Are you sure that it's hubby that's making you feel guilty? Does he come out and say things? OR do you just feel guilty because you would like more time with them? If it's the first, you need to have a long talk with hubby. This will tear your marraige apart in no time.
It appears that the two of you are turning this into some type of competition. Try adjusting different things and work on finding what works best for the entire family.
There will always be one spouse who thinks they have it harder than the other. Just remind him that you two are a team and you are trying to make it easy for him too, by making dinner and having everything in order for him during the evening. If you get into an "I do this and you do that" type thing it could get ugly. I'd just tell him that you appreciate what he does so you can contribute to the bank account too.
