Okay, I'm certain I'm being insecure here, but I'm wondering if I did something wrong...although I'm at a loss as to what that is. This woman who has been very friendly toward me from the beginning of the year gave me the cold shoulder yesterday morning. She took her son to my twins' 4th birthday party on Saturday and seemed to have had a blast. She was generous with gifts and very complimentary. We had food for everyone, including the parents. We got great feedback on the event and she was sweet right until she walked out the door of the party.
So, I'm stunned to get the cold shoulder yesterday morning at preschool - no eye contact, no conversation and moving her son and walking away so we're not walking out the door at the same time. I'm mean I'm really floored. I've never tried to engage her in a personal friendship, so I doubt that I've crossed a line... There was another woman there who ignores me sometimes, but I know she's hot and cold and this doesn't happen with others there. I chalk it up to just her. I know all of you can't possibly know what's wrong, but is it appropriate to ask or do I just grin and bear it?
Alright, thanks ladies. I knew I was being insecure, lol. I suppose I still haven't completely broken my people pleasing habit.... Thanks again! ETA: Yes, party was Saturday and thank you was out Tuesday.
Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she needed more coffee. If anything, instead of taking it personally, if you like this woman, maybe text her, ask if everything's okay, and see if she wants to meet for lunch!
Maybe she's just not that into you ;). Actually, I agree with the others that she may have her own stuff going on.
Don't take it personally. It's possible something really horrible is going on in her life and she was super distracted. Let some time go by and see what your interactions are like. If they get back to normal, it was just one of those REALLY bad days. If not, then check in with her.
It may be something really simple like she felt like she looked horrible and was embarrassed. I've felt like that! And/or she may have been in a huge hurry and didn't want to say "sorry, gotta go bc I'm so busy" and felt it was easier to just avoid getting into a conversation. I wouldn't worry at all about it unless it happens again or even 2 more times.
Just wait until the next time you see her. If she acts the same way, quietly ask her if something is wrong.
In the meantime, make sure your thank you cards are in the mail! If you haven't sent them out yet, put a nice note on the back that says how happy you were that they came. :)
If you feel friendly toward her, why assume it's the cold shoulder? Ask her.
Don't phrase it as "I noticed you didn't talk to me" because frankly that means your focus is on yourself.
Focus on her instead. How about: "Hey, you seemed kind of quiet the other day -- is everything OK? Want go go grab a coffee and talk?"
If she's someone you so far have thought would make a good friend, then talk to her. Very likely this wasn't any attempt to brush you off. Don't take it personally; instead, give her the benefit of the doubt and assume maybe she was having a bad morning that had nothing to do with you, and then offer to help.
I am a chatter but when I am in a hurry I keep my eyes down and move quickly. If I make eye contact I will never go.
What I am saying is she may have just been in a hurry.
It could be anything, she was in a hurry, preoccupied, not feeling well, frustrated with her kid... but I doubt it was directed at you. I just found out I've been offending people by acting the same way as this lady. What they don't know, is I have severe morning sickness and am trying to concentrate on standing and guiding my kids without keeling over. :)
Meh...who knows?
But when you break it down....if something is bothering her and she chooses not to let you know, what can you really do?
Be polite, initiate a conversation and see how she reacts. If she's short, snippy, or vague--then she has a problem.
But remember--it's not YOUR problem til she lets you know!
(Unexpressed expectations at large!)
I've learned not to read into things so much, as a mom. She could've been dealing with an unruly kid, distracted, sick, stressed, in a hurry, etc., etc., etc. Now, if there's a pattern, then something might be up, but, the question is, do you care enough to ask her? I know I wouldn't. Not to mention, it could across as very insecure, needy, etc. I, personally don't have the time or energy to analyze & worry about whether so & so likes me, is mad at me, etc. She's not a close friend, so I wouldn't stress about it.
Maybe she was just having a bad morning.
Maybe she was tired or hungover, lol. Haven't we all had those mornings? I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe she had just found out that a family member died or got some bad news. If it continues, that's different, but I wouldn't worry too much about it today.
I haven't read all the answers so I don't know if this was mentioned yet or not. It could be that she was just having a rough day. I just had my 3rd baby 9 weeks ago and am SO overwhelmed some mornings that I'm literally in tears when I have to drop my older kids off at school (or even while picking them up!). Even if I've stopped crying minutes before I see anyone, my eyes are still red and watery and my face gets all red and blotchy. It stays like that for quite a while and is so embarrassing, I really try not to let anybody see my face. That means no eye contact (if possible) and I just try to avoid other parents as much as possible. So you never know, this could've been a similar situation. Try not to worry too much and good luck!
It drives me nuts. My oldest is 10 and there is a M. who is so off/on or hot/cold towards me that I am praying her husband gets the job he wants and they move away. I thought it was me and I hate to talk about people, but one night my friend was fuming mad and had tears in her eyes. This woman had been so rude to her and she too thought they were friends. I laid it out for her so she would quit blaming herself. Sometimes it really is not about us, though I think like you do and have to remind myself still.
Have you written a thank you note for the gifts yet? Some people are really crazy about getting thank you's very quickly. I'm not saying that excuses her behavior, if that's what this is about. But if you haven't written the thank you note yet, get it to her tomorrow!
Hopefully she was just having a bad day. Try not to notice it, and maybe it will work itself out.
Dawn
Grin and bear it. As you pointed out, you are not reaching out for a personal friendship. Keep the conversations/interactions light and don't dwell on it. Tomorrow is a new day - heck - pick up today is a new day in the world of preschool - LOL.
She could have been having a bad day, but if it continues I would say something to her. You never know what could have happened. And if its something involving your son, you'll especially want to know.
Let it go.
Seriously. Don't take this the wrong way because I mean no offense at all, but sometimes it really isn't all about you.
You're a caring person, so immediately you went to thinking you'd done something wrong. I think we can all do that from time to time. But, haven't you ever had a day when everything that CAN go wrong DOES and you feel like if you stop to even talk for a minute you might just fall apart at the seems, but there's no time for that when you've still got the rest of the day to make it through?
I was sick and missed all last week of work and I'm telling you....I should have stayed sick another week. Everyone has been in foul moods, jumping on each other over nothing. One of the ladies I work with is super nice and I couldn't believe it when she freaked out on me for moving a plant on her desk. I moved it because there was another woman standing there and oblivious to the fact she was beating the poor plant to death with her purse.
The lady I work with went on about it for 15 minutes about how she's sick of people moving her plant out of the way.
Whatever!
I didn't let it ruin my day.
It's a full moon...a new moon...something.
Really, don't let it bother you. Lots of people have been grouchy this week.
Best wishes!
Did you discover anything damaged around your home after the party? Just sayin...
