Missing Hubbie

If I have learned anything it is how hard it can be to make a marriage work, But if you two have being living life apart for 6 months and he has not come back to you and your children by now and I hate to be the one to say this and hopefully open your eyes. I do not think he is coming back into the marriage. Why should he, he is still getting from you want he wants and being able to be single on the other side. I would file on him so fast now after all these months. It's time for closure for you and your kids.

if you do end up living together again, and actually want your marriage to work, remember that the best thing you can do for your daughter is take time to be a couple. my husband and i just recently decided to start going on "dates" again. after being married 3 1/2 years and having 2 kids, we grew apart and it seemed like we were just co-existing. taking the time to turn off the TV and talk about things other than the kids really has helped our relationship. good luck with whatever you decide to do

of course you are going to love him, he is the father of your child and you will probably always love him. you have to keep telling yourself that you need to live your own life, don't do things to please others. focus on yourself....if you all separated because you were unable to get along then you have to work on getting along w/o being together. don't make a financial investment based on heart felt emotions. make sure that you are thinking logically about everything. maybe you should start having "date nights" together once a week and try starting over. give it 6 good long months before you all make anymore moves together. and take sometime to yourself. have him take the baby and you go away for a night or so and have some soul searching time. you can't help who you love, but you are the only one that can decide when enough is enough and who you want to be w/. your parents at the least should respect that. i am in the same situation, i am divorced from my 3 y/o's daddy and we were married for 3 years. i miss him very much and wish we could still be together and yes i still love him too. he and i both have changed and it has been 1 year since out divorce...but everytime i start thinking that i want to approach the idea of getting back w/ him i remember all the reasons we split and why we couldn't make it work. it gets me thinking all over again and wondering if things could be different and then just in time to ease my mind he does something again to prove to me that i made the right decision.

I would suggest that you spend some time together as a family without the requirement of living together. You don't have to live together to be together. Do not buy a house. (Especially if you can't afford it - that'll only make the fights worse!) I don't know what you fought about, but I believe as a general rule, fights can be avoided. It takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage work out right, especially when things go awry. The best piece of advice I can give you there is not to accuse each other of anything, but rather tell each other how you felt about what happened. There's a book called As For Me and My House that I absolutely love. It explains how you have to work on your relationship and help it grow, just as you would a child. I hope I've helped!

If you two still love eachother there isnt any reason not to try to make your relationship work. Please seek counceling, and look at it as a give get. You change something about yourself thats important to him and he changes something as well. Its not easy but trust me its worth it.

It seems youve already decided that your better off with him in your life than without him. Work towards a healthy relationship, you will reap many benefits and so will your daughter.

Good Luck and best wishes!

Actually, it sounds like you are doing all the wanting and he is doing all the getting. I am sure he expesses the same feeling you do, but does he show it? Spending the night a few times and never on the weekends does not really say much about him wanting to be together. I know you love him, but you really need to step back and look at the WHOLE picture!

Oh S. I feel you pain, im right there with you. I have a son 2 1/2 also,,,wow huh,,,he is also a lil' demon, but I love him to death. Im also seperated from my baby's father going on for 1 year and I still miss him and miss that family time you talk about, but Ive learned how to move on day by day. I miss him everyday and think about him everyday, but I know we are better off without eachother because we would fight all the time and my son would have to see that. I also feel really lonely on the weekends I have my son (bcuz we take turns on weekends) but Ive set my mind to enjoy my little boy as much as I can bcuz with the way life is now days we dont know how long we will have them around or how long we have to be around for them, so try listening to her, see why is she mad, why does she cry, is there anything differently you can do to help her overcome that, maybe she is feeling you sadness and she doesnt know how to express it, to let you know she loves you very much if you would only hold her tight and kiss her and pamper her when she acts up maybe you can tell the difference than if you just ignore her. Ive started doing that with my lil' man and sometimes it suprises me everything he knows, his expressions, his words, these kids are so smart, why hurt for a man that is not at home when I can use that energy to give love to my son. What i do now is afterwork since I get off at 4pm, i dont want to go home its boring depressing, so i go to the park and walk, jog, or just play with my son, when its raining Ill go the library away from home! and if you cant escape it, then go home and watch a movie together, this has helped alot. Good luck and God Bless you and your little girl, I know exactly how you feel

Tell him how you feel be open with him about everything in your head and heart. Get the two of you on the same side of the street so to speak. Find a different job with the hrs that will work for you and not against you. Go to the Texas Workforce and let them help with your job search. Get outside help from a cergyman or pastor for some positive reenforcement. It saved our marriage for my hubby to go out of town to work for awhile. It wasn't his choice really. but it has been good to be away from each other. We miss each other greatly but when we are together it's so much better. And we have 2 daughters who said to me they're glad dad is gone for awhile cause ya'll don't argue as much when he's here.

I know this is hard for your family ( and if ya'll notice it or not its confusing for your daughter too) She's young, but two year olds are smart things - thats partly why she can drive you crazy.
Heres where the problem lies.. ya'll are playing married a few days a week but not the others. And when ya'll were living together you were fighting... I know when my husband is gone all day from home for school and work I get lonely. I want to express that to him, but when he comes home he's tired, he's aggrivated and he needs some down time. I give him that then we talk. And there are times where the two of us dont see eye to eye.. and we always realize its because we are not communicating as well as we could be. People fight because something is bothering them or the other feels they are being attacked and go on the defensive. Make a list of everything that bothered you in the marriage before he moved out.. then next to it try to figure out why you get mad at that.. how it affects you... for example

He's messy ( thats say number one on the list) you're not mad he's messy you're upset that maybe you feel he's not contributing to the household chores as much as you are and you're pulling alot of that weight.

He's not attentive to my needs- ok , what are your needs and how can they be combined with his?

ya'll are both extremely busy.. but you love each other.. and its not all because he's the father of your child.. its because you dont want to let go. when you cant let go of someone you're not going to be able to force it. It comes naturally and sometimes takes alot of time.
When I got divorced I asked myself this " am i more stressed with my husband living with me then not living with me? would leaving him be less stressful on my daily life" and for a good year I would always answer "yes he needs to go" ( bare in mind my ex is no saint, and we wont go into that story but we'll just say he's a monster)
Can you accept that if he's messy you will have to pick up after him because he wont. can you accept ya'lls hours and see if you can plan dates for yourself.. and if thats a yes then ask him the same thing.
and remember, if he's not ready to move in most likely he's wanting to see what its like in the single life, which means experimenting.. its natural. but if he's playing the field outside of your apartment and into someone elses place- let this whole thing go and just go one day at a time.

Oh, it does sound like the two of you don't actually want to be apart. If that is the case, the two of you really should sit down and talk about things. I have been to marriage counceling and it worked wonders for my husband and me. If you are both willing to try, then you can make it work.

Working different shifts does complicate things. See if there is a way you could switch shifts or change jobs completely. There comes a point when you have to ask yourself, which is more important - work or family. I took a $5/hour pay cut with no more OT to be closer to home and with my family more. We had to make adjustments, but it was the best thing I've ever done. Good luck and I hope you find what is best for you!

It doesn't sound to me like y'all are ready to move back in together. The size of your apartment has nothing to do with it. We lived in a tiny apartment with our 2 kids and it didn't affect our relationship at all. A bigger house isn't the solution. You need to work on yourselves, then each other. IF the BOTH of you want to try things again, then start slowly. Gradually see each other more and more, have dates every week, have family time every week, and then go from there.
I understand you missing him and esp the family with your daughter...especially if you just moved here and don't know a lot of people.
I would suggest trying to get out more and meet new people. There are lots of ways to join moms groups these days.
And as far as your parents, you're right not to let them influence you.

I know how you feel. It seems like you guys were meant to be. If you are meant to be why not do what ever it takes to keep it together. Have you thought about going to a marriage counselor, or attending marriage groups or even marriage retreats? There are marriage seminars that don't cost at all to help couples like yourself. Sometimes it can also be easy as attending church together. I just started going to church and our priest does discuss marriage and family unity during mass. And everything he says makes so much sense. Priests are a HUGE help when it comes to families trying to stick together. Don't worry about what your parents think of him. If he is the one, fight for me, For your both of your sakes and your daughter's. Good luck!

Me and my husband moved here from out-of-state too. It can be very stressful trying to make a new home, make new friends, etc... in a new place. I don't know where you live, but First Baptist Academy has a great place for toddlers. I don't know where your daughter is during the day, but I think she would love their program. It's two or three days a week from 9 to 2:30 and they do EVERYTHING. Music, gym, etc... As far as you and your husband, go on a date. Try to reconnect. Go with another couple... and see a counselor. My husband and I did that and it really does help. I can even recommend a counselor that I saw when I was having depression problems because my husband was traveling so much. My name is T.. I am 35 years old, a sahm of 3 young boys. I would love a new friend if you every like to go out to lunch, go shopping etc... I also know some people that are very trusthworthy to help you with babysitting so you can go on a date with your husband... I'm kind of rambling...I hope some of this made sense...I feel your pain...I will pray for you...and please call if you would like a new friend....###-###-####...

T.

i've been there before although my parent's never knew bout the seperation.
I agree that to make it work you need to take time for just the two of you, as well as family time. I would strongly recomind counciling as well.
my husband and I were separated from january till mid may of 2004... unfortunately it was a misscarriage that brought us back together. but we have been doing really well the last few years... and are expecing our second child in April... our son is now 5 years old. it is a daily thing...you have to make the desision daily that you are going to love this person....

I've always heard that if you really love each other, you'll stay together and consider everything else as a bump in the road. Well I've been hitting a lot of bumps lately!! I think that you have it good with this man and should consider getting back together, but keep in your mind that you are going to make it work, no matter what. There are couples out there that have to put up with a lot from the other's family and there's also the ex-wife and their kids!