Miscarriage - Albany,LA

One thing that helped me is when a good friend remembered my due date even though it was 6 months after the loss. Write her due date somewhere that will remind you and just let her know you are thinking of her when that time comes.
With all of my miscarriages (I've had 3) it helped most just to know someone was there to cry with, a shoulder to lean on.

Maybe after things settle down a little bit for her, plant a tree in the babies honor in her yard or in her favorite park... Something like that.

One day I was reading through posts on this site. One in particular I remember was 'All pregnancies end. Some end in babies, others end in angels'.

I'm not sure why, but the comment comforted me.

I had a friend who simply brought me some flowers and told me she was there if I needed anyone to talk to. My thoughts and prayers are with your friend. It's such a hard thing to go through and most likely she'll want to be left alone...but the flowers and having a friend care enough to drop them by did make me a feel alittle better.

Everyone grieves differently. She may or may not want to talk. some things to never say:
It is for the best.
The baby was probably deformed or ill
You have an angel in Heaven now
At least the baby did not suffer
At least you never knew the baby
This is nature's way
You can always try again

These things are hurtful. Knowing that someone cares helps with a loss. Having someone to talk to. Seeing baby things will remind her of her loss. She may feel jealous of friends with healthy babies. She may find that some people avoid her, they don't know what to say. Treat it like any other lost loved one. Offer to help with meals, childcare if she has other children, listen when she wants to talk. Her world is crashing and it seems like the rest of the world should acknowledge that hurt. The truth is, most people won't know what happened and that too may hurt. Just knowing that her baby won't be forgotten will give peace in the long-term.

That is a hard one - I had a healthy baby boy. Then 3 years later when we tried again I misscarried at 7 weeks. I was devestated. Something to keep in mind is NEVER say it was for the best and there was something wrong w/ the baby. People would tell me that to make me feel better and it doesn't. If anything you feel worse knowing it was your body that caused the baby to not survive. No matter how true it is, it won't help. We already know there's a reason our body rejected the baby and don't need reminding. Just be there for her. Let her know you're there and willing to listen if she needs it. Talking to a friend who had gone thru the same thing helped me greatly. She truly did understand what I was feeling. I have now had a second successful pregnancy and a beautiful baby girl, but I still remember losing a baby and how much it hurts. This will no doubt affect her for quite some time. I cried every day for weeks. It'll get better - just be there for support.

I have had 2 miscarriages and one was one of the few that was not really emotional about it. I think it depends on how she is handling it, would determine how you address her. I didn't really want to talk about it or make a big deal out of it, so just to know you're there if she wants to talk is easy and takes the pressure out of knowing what to say or do. I would definitely not want someone to remind me of it or make it a huge deal, however it was nice to know my friends were there if I did want to talk about it.

I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks and what I found to be most beneficial was being able to talk about it. When you have a miscarriage, the people around you aren't grieving (yes they feel bad for you and tell you how sorry they are for you) but you are just dying inside. People expect you to go about your business as usual and you don't really get a chance to grieve. It's tabu and people don't want to talk to you about it because they don't know what to say. The more I was able to tell my story....the better I felt! Obviously, your friend may not want to talk about it but definately give her the chance. You don't have to say a word....just listen!

I have had multiple miscarriages, but it was the first that really hurt. I was at 20 weeks, but didn't know the baby had died for a few more weeks. Everyone else in my office was pregnant. I was the only one who had been trying (for a year) to get pregnant.

It was kind of awkward, because I didn't want a pity party. I grieved. I felt sad. I was aware that my friends wanted to be there for me. I was grateful for those who expressed it and I was grateful for a friend who would just hang out with me, sad or happy. You don't have to say much. You don't have to understand. What really matters is just going through life as a friend, just being.

Invite her out for coffee or shopping or a movie or whatever you normally do. She'll be grateful for your presence. Offer to help her with whatever she needs, to be a good listener if she needs one (you only have to listen, not advise or counsel), but let her initiate those conversations. Just be. Just be a her normal, trusty friend. She'll be so grateful for that.

You're a sweet person. She's lucky to have you in her life.

I wholeheartedly agree with the list of what NOT to say. Take a meal and give her a hug and tell her you're sorry. Let her know you're there if she'd like to talk at any time. The follow up in a few days, a few more days--just check in. She is going to go through the normal stages of grief.

I had a miscarriage a few months ago and I think it was just great when someone sent a card saying "I don't know how you feel but I want you to know I feel for you and I wish you the best and if there's anything I can do please let me know." I also found the song "Still" by Gerrit Hofsink (see it on youtube to go along with the oct. 15th miscarriage awareness day video) very moving during my miscarriage; it helped me to purge.

Sending food or jewelry or something would be nice... I gave a friend an angel ornament when she had her miscarriage, and another friend an angel wind chime and both of the women loved them. A nice positive remembrance of the baby that was lost.

I have had one miscarriage and it helped a lot to have friends to talk to who didn't diminish my grief.

If you can go see her, ask if you can visit, give her a hug and tell her you don't know what to say. She may opt to talk about how she feels then. If not, just be with her. I would advise NOT trying to cheer her up.

Hi Photomama,
I am new to this site and found your post today. I know it has been a long time now since your friend's pregnancy loss. I hope you are both doing well. I thought I would write a response at this late date in case other women read it for tips now or at a later date.
I had an early miscarriage almost two years ago. The best things that people did for me were making meals (my whole household didn't function well for about three weeks), and offering to listen. I felt I needed to tell the story of what happened to me and my baby over and over again because I just couldn't believe it.
People didn't seem to know what to say. Sometimes they said things that hurt, unintentionally. Teresa C, who responded to your note listed all of the sentiments that did little to help.
I recently wrote an article on the topic of how to help support a woman who is grieving a miscarriage. The article lists the top ten ways to support someone who is grieving following a pregnancy loss, and it can be found at http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Support-a-Woman-Who-Has-Su...
Warmest regards,
N.

I myself have had 4 miscarriages. One was at home and I was almost 5 months. So from experience I can tell you to just make sure she knows your there when she's ready to talk. Everyone reacts different and some take more time than others to handle their grief. Don't push her to talk about it, like I said just make sure she knows that when she needs you even if it hits her at 3 a.m. you'll be there with tissue and a pint of chunky monkey icecream. Sometimes just knowing that makes all the difference in the world.