Miscarriage - Anoka,MN

Hi J.,

I found out yesterday that I am in almost exactly the same situation. I don't have any advice to give, but If there's any way that you can let me know what others suggest, I would really appreciate it. Thanks so much. N.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through, J.. I hope it helps a little to know that you're not alone. I miscarried at 5 weeks, my second pregnancy. I suspected something was wrong, and several blood tests and an ultrasound later, we finally had our answer. However, that took almost a week, so when I finally got my answer, they just told me there in the office that if it was okay with me, they were going to do the D&C right then. Fortunately I called my husband and he was able to come right over; I did not realize how trying it would be physically or emotionally and would not have wanted to be alone.

They did not give me a choice, which was fine, since I don't know what I would have done. The D&C was scary and uncomfortable (I also respond poorly to the anesthesia, with a drop in blood pressure that makes me light-headed and nausea, which undoubtedly made me feel worse). But I can't compare it to a "natural" miscarriage. I was able to know that it was over and could start healing, physically and emotionally. We did not get any answers from it, but it was really too early to know anything. If I had waited, I don't know what my body would have done. I may have ended up in there anyway, and I think that would have been harder to have to face it again. And I did go on to get pregnant again a couple of months later, and we have another healthy son, and we're now expecting #3. So I came out of it okay too.

I don't know if that helps or now. Good luck with your decision. I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you. Good luck, and I'm so sorry.

First let me express how very sad and sorry I am for your loss. I experienced the same situation exactly one year ago and was faced with the decision you now face. I opted to let it happen as my body saw fit. Although more natural and less invasive, it had its drawbacks. Visitng the Dr. every week to check the hormone levels was an unpleasant reminder, and got tedious as the weeks bore on. I even quit going midway through until they caught up with me and guilted me into coming back. Also, it can take a long time to fully shed. For me, the process took two months. That's a lot of testing and a lot of being reminded. I am healthy now, fully recovered and got pregnant again within months. It's an icky decision to have to make; if it were to happen again, I may go the more painful, direct route. Good luck, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Hi J.! First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this!
I actually went through the same thing 2 years ago. I decided to go ahead with the D&C operation. I just couldn't bear to "wait" until my body decided to do it's thing....which may not happen. I scheduled my D&C for 1 week after I found out about the miscarriage. That week was pretty tense for us. You are just waiting and wondering if your body will "do it's thing". I've also heard that if your body does shed the fetus, it's not pleasant and very emotional. Anyhooses, the D&C was the best route for me. It's just a same day surgery procedure and the after effects were nothing....just very minor cramping. Here's a positive for you: I got pregnant with my twins immediately after my D&C....within a month! Again, I'm very sorry that you are going through this. I hope all works out for you!

So sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen to me in November (11 weeks along but the fetus died at about 8 weeks). I was a little afraid of the D&C (surgery) so I opted to take a prescribed medication to help nature take it's course. (Sounds like the same thing in the earlier response) I didn't want to wait for it to happen while I was at work or out in public. I didn't know if it would be a big mess all of a sudden.

It was definitely not a pleasant experience but it was over within 12 hours and I had what I would call a very heavy period for about a week after. My body is finally back to normal and we have the OK to start trying again. Hopefully my son will be a big brother soon!

Good luck!!!

Miscarriages are horrible things to happen. I had one about 6 years ago and it was the most painful thing I went through, both emotionaly and physically. Even worse then the 3 days of labor I went through with my next baby. Even if you do pass the baby naturally you may have to have a D&C if there is anything left.

It's a horrible experience and it helps to talk about it, so don't bottle it up because it will just make it harder for you. Remember to that your husband lost the baby as well. He may have not felt the attachment as much as you, but he may still feel a great loss. So use eachother for support. God Bless you and we're all thinking about you.

So sorry for your loss.

I've had two miscarriages. The first I waited and waited and it just never happened on its own, so I got the D&C. The second it was only a week between when I found out I was going to have one and I had it naturally, at home. Everybody's different, but I will tell you, if I ever had to do it again, I would have a D&C again without even thinking twice about it. It was relatively painless, and afterward I only had a little cramping. It was over and done with, and I felt much better after. On the other hand, the natural one was absolutely horrible. Painful and more gory than a slasher movie. I would never, ever do that again. And I was only 9 weeks along.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you posted here because it's nice to have support. I miscarried at 6 weeks with my 3rd pregnancy. I don't know what to tell you about your decision because I've never had that decision to make.
It looks like you are getting some good advice from others that have been in your place. When I miscarried I went on the ivillage message boards for miscarriage and got lots of advice and support. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't alone and that it was a lot more common than I had thought.
Best Wishes,
J.

Sorry for your news...i had a miscarrage on my second pregnancy too. they gave me some type of pill that made everything come out on its own...it took one day, wasnt painful either....i did have to have an ultrasound a few weeks later to make sure everything came out and it had. i was able to get pregnant again (waited a while before trying) and carried to full term.

Hi J.,

Sorry about your loss. I had the same issue with my first pregnancy. I went and had the DHC done, that way I was able to start the grieving process and I wasn't waiting for something to happen.

Hope this helps.
R.

J.-
I'm very sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing at 8 or 9 weeks, and my doctor gave me the same two options. I waited for it to take care of itself and it was very hard for me emotionally to know that there was a fetus inside that was no longer living. I waited and waited and had no bleeding or cramping or anything. It made it hard to even believe we had lost the baby. After about 10 days I went in for a D&C. I have a friend who thought the procedure was pretty uncomfortable, but I didn't think it was bad at all. It was what I needed for some closure. My doctor told me that miscarriages are often a blessing in disguise. He was able to tell me after the operation that the fetus would have had some type of chromosomal abnormality. I've since had a normal, healthy baby boy. Good luck to you . . .

my friend has had 2 misscarriages and the 1st she waited and it took about 2 1/2 weeks and the 2nd she had the dhc i think getting the dhc was better for her she could start the complete grieving process knowing she was no longer carrying it and she had a small hope with the first one that it would come back or something which took longer for her to recover and she also has two daughters and it was harder to explain and handle to them and others that the baby was in there but not alive verses the dr. took it out

First and foremost I am so sorry for your loss. It must be so painful for you. I miscarried when I was 4-5 weeks along and read that the fetus would have died two weeks before then. Since I miscarried so early on I didn't have to have a D&C which is what I thought it was called (?). How do you feel about it? Do you want to be done with it or take the natural approach? I guess I can't offer you advise but I'll offer you my sympathy for your loss.

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. The same happened to me prior to the birth of my 2 kids. I was given the option of a D&C or to take a drug (I believe it was Cytotec) to "complete" the m/c. I chose the second route because I was afraid of doing a D&C. If that sounds better to you you might want to see if this is an option for you. For some reason they weren't going to let me just wait until it "happened naturally." I took the medication and went home and had wicked cramps that night and lots of bleeding and it was over. It was a bad experience, of course, but for me a D&C would have been worse. Just my 2 cents-I hope it goes ok for you, and rest assured (as you know since you have a child) that in all likelihood you'll be able to successfully have a child in the future (forgive me for sounding a little detatched from the experience-but it's been 6 years)!.

J.,

sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I had a full miscarriage though where everything came out on it's own at 10.5 weeks.

Although I didn't have to make the choice, unless your doctor has some medical reason why they'd want to to have it take care of iteself, I'd go with the D&C.

Like the other mothers said, it will help the greiving and healing process and you won't have to sit there wondering when it's done and worry about it.

I am truly sorry to hear about your baby.

I have had two miscarrages as well. One before my oldest, he's 6, and one this last year. The first was at 10 weeks where the baby never developed past embryo stage. And one this last April at 13 weeks that was 10 weeks developed. The first miscarrage my doctor reccomended me to wait for it to pass naturally since there wasn't much developed. Which I agreed with, and everything passed fine later that week. This last one they gave me the option to do the D&C or to wait. I again chose to wait for nature to take it's course since I had started to spot already. The second was much scarier for me and my husband. It was physically harder and I got very light headed and nauseous. Emotionally it was also a lot tougher. I would recomend to you to do the D&C. It's what I would decide to do if I had to do it again. If you do decide to wait, make sure you have someone with you as you go through the process. Just in case there are complications or you start feeling weak. I hope that everything works out okay and I'll pray for you and your family.

My sister in-law went through this recently. If it just happens it is much better then the D&C. This procedure is pretty painful, atleast it was for her.

I had a miscarriage at about the same time, with my first pregnancy. It was devastating news, and I want to extend my sympathy for your loss.

I was scheduled for a d&c, but the day before, I miscarried on my own. It was quite painful, but in retrospect, I'm glad I had the experience, as both of my sons were born by c-section, and that was the closest I ever came to being in labor.

I don't know which is better. If it is killing you to be carrying the fetus inside you and waiting, then schedule the d&c. If not, then wait.

Hang in there, and find people you can talk to about this. My best source of support (besides my husband) was an online community for mothers with a message board for women who had experienced pregnancy loss.

J., I'm so sorry to read about your loss. (hugs)

I think I would opt for the DHC operation and start the healing process, emotionally and physically.

I had an ectopic pregnancy which eventually burst my tube which I had to have removed. I wished I had chosen the operation right away to have it removed, but my doctor at the time thought I would have possitive results with a different treatment that was less invasive. He was wrong. Hind sight is always 20/20, but I wished I had done the invasive surgery to begin with and started my healing earlier.

Good luck to you. You are in my prayers.

The same thing happened to me between my two boys. Due to an incompetent and insensitive dr. scheduling staff I ended up waiting more than three weeks before I was finally switched dr. offices and was seen for a D&C. A labor & delivery nurse friend told me that your body does not always do what it "should" do and waiting can put you at risk for infection.
I was incredibly nervous about getting a D&C but it ended up being a very positive experience physically, mentally, and emotionally. The staff was very kind and sensitive to my situation. I was unconscious for the procedure and woke up feeling well rested, albeit groggy, and more at peace than I had been since receiving the news.
Afterward, it felt like a bad period with cramping and heavy bleeding, but that's what pain killers are for. =) (Talk to your dr. about what is available to you).
I understand the confusion and anger and sadness that accompanies a miscarriage. For me, a D&C provided the closure I needed to move on and get a fresh start.
I wish you all the very best!

I'm so sorry that this happened! I had a miscarriage before my baby. It's really hard. I chose to have the D&C just because I didn't want the additional stress of waiting. Once I knew for sure that the baby was no longer alive I felt "comfortable" with moving forward with the D&C. Word of advise if you choose to go that route...I went back to work the next day, it was horrible. You are still in pain both physically & emotionally. I would say take 2 days off just to recover. Or do it on a Friday maybe, but then have your husband take care of your daughter so you can rest.

Again, I am so sorry. It will get better, I promise.

Hi J.. I'll try to make this brief. I've had two m/c, one at 6 weeks which happened naturally, and the other at 13w5d through d&c. i can't really advise you on what you should do, but know that, at this point, even if you have a "natural" m/c you may have to have a d&cin addition. There is another option, to have a medically induced m/c using Cytotec or something similar, so make sure that you ask about those options.

Personally, because I have had two in a row, the d&c was the preferable option. The physical pain of the first one, even though I was only 6 weeks along, was considerable and I didn't have any answers (as far as genetic testing, etc) which was difficult. I am still waiting on genetic testing of this second loss and also have to have a second d&c due to retained tissue, so I can't really say that a d&c is the perfect option, either.

Please know that, whatever you choose, this is a long and hard road and you deserve to grieve...in whatever way you need to. I think just knowing all of your options, weighing them with your doctor and significant other and making an informed decision is the best thing you can do. There will be challenges no matter what your decision is.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Please feel free to e-mail me personally if I can be of any help. It is a really hard thing to go through and a very real and significant LOSS. I would love to help you if I can, at all.

Big hugs,
J.

J., I am so sorry for the loss of your baby and your hopes and dreams. I had a miscarriage a few years ago (now have 3 healthy children). I found out through ultrasound at 8 weeks that the baby had passed away. I chose to wait and let nature take it's course. I am Catholic and, even though I know a D&C of a lost baby is not an abortion, I just could not imagine doing it. I knew 100% I would wait for it to happen naturally, unless there was an emergant medical reason to do the D&C. It did take 4 weeks for it to happen and those 4 weeks were awful, but I would not have done it any other way. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
S.

Hello - Like you, I found out at the 12 week apt I had no developing fetus and no heart beat (also had occured several weeks earlier). Our Dr gave us both options you have, but advised toward the D&C. That was a Friday, we scheduled it for Monday. Our Dr kindly skipped his lunch break to do my procedure at the hospital. It was not painful. I was put to sleep (per the advice of a nurse and anestialogist).. you will have choices about sedation or general anestesia.

I am so sorry for the loss of your child. I went threw a miscarriage at 12 weeks also. I chose to have a D&C. I didn't feel like I could sit around on pins and needles waiting for the baby to pass. The other thing I worried about was how i would react if I passed the baby at home and had to put it in a bag and take it with me to the hospital. Emotionally i didn't think i could handle it. I would like to say take your time and grieve if you don't it will haunt you if you decided to try again. Don't let people tell you it's not ok to grieve. Stay strong.

J.,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I too miscarried in September 2006 when I was 7-8 weeks along. I had some spotting so my doctor sent me in for an ultrasound and we saw the fetus but no heartbeat (my heart sunk). My doctor didn't want to jump into anything since there was a chance since it was early that it could be wrong. However, I did infact miscarry and she had me wait 2wks to see if anything would happen on its own. Nothing happened and I was sent in to see an OB. It was on a Tuesday and I was scheduled for a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). However, I went home and about an our after being home everything had started on its own. I was scared because of the amount of blood (sorry so graphic), so I called the OB and they told me to go to the ER. I ended up having the DNC in the hospital (luckly for me the OB I saw that day was on call at the hospital).

I was put under for the D&C and when I woke up I didn't have any pain. I had light bleeding for about a week and it was done. I had no physical pain from the D&C, just emotional pain from the loss.

I would highly recommend getting the D&C and not waiting.

Oh and by the way we now have a healthy baby girl that is 10weeks old!!!!