Minor Beating Myself Up

I think all parents with special needs kids feel this way. Our son has ADHD, OCD and a host of other conditions, and even though I KNOW it isn't my fault, I'm still constantly evaluating and criticizing the way I do things. He's been getting help for his conditions since he was in preschool and is 10 now, and I still have to stop myself sometimes from taking the blame.

I think it's a lot easier to beat ourselves up over mental disorders than if our children had visible conditions (such as being unable to walk). Plus, it doesn't help that much of society blames parents for mental disorders.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things in getting him the help he needs. To me, that's a great parent. A lot of parents of special needs kids are in complete denial and drag it out far too long before their kids get help.

Keep in mind for generations kids have been spectrum and no one thought it was anything more than being quirky. Taking that and running with it is it surprising there are days when it seems there is nothing wrong that maybe we didn't discipline correctly and people are just being nice to us and calling it a disorder?

You can for the most part beat this out of a kid, look at my generation. It wasn't that we didn't have issues it is just you didn't express anything because it hurt to get whopped by a belt, ya know?

So now we are trying to learn how to deal by teaching the child why they should control themselves and giving them tools to accomplish this.

So I am saying there are days where Andy seem no different than the rest of the family. There have been meetings with his team where I have asked are you sure I am not strict enough. Your feelings are normal.

Ugh. Stop the minor beating! I have a friend with a son with high functioning. I have heard her doubts and worries for years. First the, what did I do wrong, then, the what could I have done better? He is now doing well in community college with few accommodations. It was a one step backwards, two forwards thing. Lots of conferences and IEPs and talks with teachers that don't understand his needs.

Something like, an inflexible teacher in middle school whose rule was that nobody went to the bathroom. Well that's all son could think of for the class period. A conference led to teacher saying, do you really want me to make a rule, just for him? YESSS. That's what accommodations are about.

There are many things that are not in your control. There are people with neurotypical kids who believe kids are a blank slate and you have master control over them. Wrong. We come hard wired. The best we can do is swing with it. Today, this is what you can do. Give yourself a break. It's not that you won't make mistakes but the fact is, you will. Do the best you can, today. This is your life. Don't spend it over anxious. Let him have an envolved but happy mom.

it is what it is. Some things are beyond our control. My best is that you are doing a good job because you are aware.

Well, I am going to say you are having a mommy moment. My kids are not on the spectrum. But sometimes, they do something and and it is kind of what the heck am I doing wrong. How come I cannot fix this? We have to remember that we can ponly do so much and to take things one step at a time. Sometimes it seems 2 steps forward one step--or maybe occasionally 5 steps--back. One of my nephews is high functioning. Unfortunately I rarely see him so cannot really comment but I know he had several missteps when he was younger. They worked it out and I am sure you will too. He is in High School now and not a bad student. It takes time to figure things out. Sending a vitrual hug your way.

i have one son that is very social. since he could talk he flirted with the women in the grocery store making goo goo eyes. he loves ppl . now my daughter is super shy and would rather ppl just leave her alone. they have there own issues and what works best for them.

my social son did well while we were searching for a new church. he went to one daycare and did well with a couple of chruch nurserys. there was one nursery when he was about 2 that he cried and clinged to us in a very odd manner? not his style at all he loved toys and new friends. after we switched that church he did fine. he just did not like that nursery. it would have been normal behavior for our daughter but not him.

you know your son and the teacher might just not be a great match for him. he might have a hard time adjusting. while it was easy for us to just switch churches its not so easy for you to switch teachers. it might take awhile for you to learn what works best for your son but at the very least your trying. you noted its not working and are willing to try new things different things. try more structure at home in small areas.

we just firgured out when waking our son to count the number of times that i am waking him up. Its working. To get in the car when I ask is also working because I bribed them both with a trip to the candy store!!! :D weird things and what 6 months into the "school" yr were finally getting the hang of things. it takes time and tricks and skills to figure out what works best for each child.

my daughter has a hard time saying "thank you" she suddenly shuts down and becomes overwhelmed with shyness. But she can bump fists. Its a step toward good manners. Were working on it. She was too shy to speak to a family friend (male) and i told her to touch his toe (she was on the floor) and it did the trick she was able to climb all over him and annoy him like any other kid. she just needed her own form of first time contact. Think outside the box, take time to figure out what works best. It also might be very weird for the other ppl as they had a great laugh that he touched his toe then was fine with him. IDK how I knew that it would work but it did.