MIL Visits?

Just dont let her get to you. She's your hubbys mom and you probably dont have to see her every day right?
She's just a person like the rest of us, no better and no worse than you. Don't change your lifestyle while she's in your home, be a cordial hostess as you would to anyone visiting your home and don't be her doormat. Let little things go in one ear and out the other. Pick your battles wisely. If you dont enjoy her visits she probably doesnt enjoy visiting either but wants to see her child and grandkids..... let her visit with them while you go shopping or something.

You could tell your DD that Mommy and Daddy loved each other sooo much that you just couldn't wait to buy the dress. :)

this is your husbands mother and your children's grandmother so the way I view it your best option is to let go of what you can't control, forage the best relationship you can by letting go of what you can't control, and do these things while taking steps to protect yourself.

Okay, it's annoying she told your daughter about your "eloping" before you were ready to explain, but really....... was that a big secret? Your daughter can be into Princess things, and it sounds like you are okay with accepting her the way she is..... so what a great lesson to teach her..... Mom is a little different than you, so please accept her as she is. Don't make a big deal. Just "Yes, I chose not to wear that kind of dress, but if you want that I will be glad to help you find one!"

You can't change your MIL so why get into a control battle. Yes, she sounds like a royal pain in the "you know what." Try to accept this is who she is. Realize with her it's not about you and let go of her annoying disapprovals. Try talking to her woman to woman. Be as relaxed as possible and be yourself. If she doesn't like that it, that is her problem, not yours.

Talk to your husband about your MIL staying in a hotel on her next visit. I find this to be an amazing relief because you will have breaks from her. If you can afford it pay for the hotel. Just tell her as the family grows this will be more comfortable for her. she may love this. Just do it in a way that she doesn't feel cast out. Include her as much as you can.

You could take a chance in confronting her in a friendly way if you really wanted to. For example if she talks at you say something like, "That sounds like you don't approve of the way I do it. I'm sorry you feel that way." Saying something like that gets it out, but doesn't mean you are agreeing to change in any way. If you can't do that, then remind yourself internally........ this is about her and her control issues. I can let this go.

Last, ask your husband to protect you. If she must stay with you then get out of the house with excuses and get your husband to take some time off work to back you up.

My MIL stresses me out too. She's from such a different world. I don't like how she talks to my kids and I don't like how she interacts with them (or fails to is more accurate)... but she is my husband's mother and my kids' grandma and I do the best I can to ignore the things I don't like about her and let my kids have what little relationship they have with her.

Eloping isn't a negative thing... my sense is that ever since the breaking point was when she started to drive you crazy, now EVERYTHING drives you crazy. I don't blame you...

You're in control of how you let her affect you though. Don't feel bullied or put down because you are choosing to raise your kids differently than she did or thinks you should. Keep yourself busy with the kids while she's there and drink some kava tea... and then when you're done breast-feeding drink some wine!

Best wishes... you aren't alone Mama

I would just tell her that there are lots of different ways to dress on your wedding day, and you chose to wear what you wore, and no way is right or wrong. It is a personal choice.

As for your MIL. She sounds like mine...I ignore her as much as possible. It is hard, but it helps.

Ignore her. No one can stress us out unless we let them.

It took years, but I was able to learn this skill as a stepmom, when bio-mom was constantly telling the kids negative things about me, and about their dad, and about just about anything. When around her I developed the ability to step back, remove myself emotionally, and observe her like an interesting study of abnormal human behavior :-)

Talk with your daughter about how grandma doesn't always agree with how you do things, or does things differently than you do. Make sure your daughter knows she can tell you anything that grandma says or ask you any questions. If your daughter senses that anything about grandma gets you upset, she could stop telling what is going on, and you don't want that.

i find this mildly offensive that you blame her issues on her weight. i'm morbidly obese as well, but i don't have any of the issues you're saying your MIL has. this is due to her personality, not her weight.

K.,

While I agree w/ you that your MIL is annoying and hardly a pleasant person, she really didn't do any damage by telling your daughter that you eloped. Of course you and your husband should have been the ones to tell your daughter that, but I am wondering why you haven't told her? It is a shame that your MIL beat you to it. Did she know that you and your husband haven't told your daughter, and have you and your husband ever asked her NOT to tell your daughter that information? If she knew all of that, she is very devious and manipulative. But if she didn't know any of that, she is not really to blame. This in no way will destroy your daughter's love of princesses. Your daughter will choose how she wants to be married when she is all grown up and I PROMISE you that your MIL's conversation with her about you eloping will have NO bearing in her decision whatsoever!! Your MIL did no damage to your daughter at all. However, she might have done some damage to her relationship with you and her son (especially if she knew you didn't want your daughter to know that you eloped). If your blood pressure truly rises when she visits, here are some natural remedies to lower you blood pressure (I googled it and found a webiste called www.prevention.com).

1) Take power walks
2) Breathe deeply (yoga, meditation, etc.)
3) Eat potassium rich foods like sweet potatoes, tomatoes, orange juice, potatoes, bananas, kidney beans, peas, cantaloupe, honeydew melon, and dried fruits such as prunes and raisins.
4) Cut down on sodium
5) Eat some dark chocolate - have 1/2 ounce daily (make sure it contains at least 70% cocoa
6) Take a coenzyme Q10 supplement. In a review of 12 studies, researchers found that coenzyme Q10 reduced blood pressure by up to 17 mmhg over 10 mmhg. The antioxidant, required for energy production, dilates blood vessels. Ask your doctor about taking a 60 to 100 mg supplement up to 3 times a day.
7) Drink a little - Women's Hospital, for example, found that light drinking (defined as one-quarter to one-half a drink per day for a woman) may actually reduce blood pressure more than no drinks per day.
8) Drink hibiscus tea - people who sipped 3 cups of a hibiscus tea daily lowered systolic blood pressure by 7 points in 6 weeks on average, says researchers from Tufts University.
9) Go decaf (I would never do this, LOL!)

So, in summary, drink, eat dark chocolate, and eat bananas when your MIL visits (at least you'll have a good excuse to drink and eat dark chocolate!) Seriously, your daughter is fine! Sorry about your MIL. Mine sucks too.

K.,

You don't write like a "small quiet person".

When is your husband's mother coming?
Where is she coming from?
How long is she staying?
Is your husband's father coming too?
Are there other relatives (your husband's side) that live near you?
If you don't have a guest room, can you afford to put her up in a hotel while she is here?

Lastly, how often do you see your mother and family and how does your husband treat them and feel about them?

Blessings......

I guess I'm wondering how old your daughter is and why she doesn't know that you and your husband eloped. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're married. People choose to do that in lots of different ways. You should be open with your daughter. Maybe you didn't have a big, fancy dress or get married in a church with a couple hundred people. That is not the ONLY way to get married. What matters is the vows and your daughter understanding that should come from YOU. There are so many shows on TV about weddings and for heaven's sake, Prince William is getting married in April. My daughter was 5 and wanted to be a bride for Halloween one year. Little girls go through that stuff. It doesn't mean one way is wrong or right and you don't actually know for a fact that your MIL set out to blab. If the truth is that you didn't have the huge ceremony thing, it's not a lie. This is something you should talk to your daughter about. Tell her the story of the day you got married and how it was so special to you and her daddy.
Truly, that's all that will matter to her.
My sister and her husband eloped. They've been married almost 20 years and have grandkids coming out their ears (it was her second marriage and his third). There is no secret they didn't have a formal wedding.
Nobody cares. They're together. That's all that matters.
Don't give your MIL or this situation more power than necessary.
She doesn't have to approve of everything you do.
But, like I said, I would tell your daughter your wedding story. It's the truth, it's beautiful in it's own way.

Best wishes.

Hugs going out to you... Your husband needs to have a long talk with his mother. Not sure if it will do any good, she's probably stuck in her ways. I know my grandmother has made comments to me before how she had to change or she couldn't see some of her grandkids. Now I never thought she did anything wrong, but some of my aunts like things their ways. To each their own. With that being said, I think your husband should stick up for you and tell his mother she better not say anything negative about you, and never to the children and she's not going to be seeing them.

Wow! It is hard to say what anyone would do unless you have really been in this situation. I would talk to your daughter and just tell her you did something different but equally awesome. It may be time to tell her about eloping, not that it is a big deal that you didn't have a traditional wedding. I didn't either! Maybe you and your husband could redo your vows? Your mother in law seems like she has nothing better to do than to butt into everyone's business but her own. I would talk to your husband about it. You shouldn't make him choose, but it is his responsibility as your husband, and her son, to make it ok between you two.