I wrote a question last month about how I am dreading my in-laws coming over for Christmas. Although they are usually nice, Christmas dinner has never been fun with them. FIL ignores me and the kids for the most part. My MIL wants to eat at 2 pm and no later. She wants to be out the door as soon as the meal is over.
Last year we had an argument at dinner caused by my FIL calling my 5 year old son stupid for not posing right for a picture. We all yelled at each other, some people walked out and came back, then I made the peace, so I thought. Well after that drama, I was going to keep Xmas Eve dinner very easy and quick.
Today, while out to lunch with my MIL, she announced that they are not coming over for Xmas Eve dinner this year. They will just come Christmas morning to watch the kids open their presents. She made up a lame excuse (which could be true) that they might go see a friend sing at a church. They never go to church. I acted nonchalant, that this didn't bother me. Anyway, she is the type of person that if something goes wrong somewhere or for some event, she doesn't want to do it again.
Even though I was dreading the holiday meal with them, now I feel hurt that they don't want to come. It hurts more because my family never travels to visit us. I am also feeling relief that we can do our own traditions. How would you feel about all this?
Thank you. Your responses helped me tremendously. I guess my husband and I feel rejected. We weren't looking forward to it, but the fact that they don't want to share a holiday meal with us because of one fight that happened a year ago, is a little hurtful and stupid. I guess I'm also worried that the kids will notice their absence for dinners on both night. I don't want them feeling upset.
However, we will have so much more fun without them. We can eat when we want and start new traditions. I even told my MIL that we might even go to Christmas Eve mass since she wasn't coming over.
Are you kidding? I would be doing the Happy Dance all over the house! Say, sorry you can't make it and move on. Good luck!
I think that you should take a page from her playbook. It looks like she decided that she was not interested and then acted on it. Yea for all involved.
I would be celebrating. People who insult my kid and make a huge fuss, act like they don't want to be there then decide to go do something else?
Woo-hoo! Let's make THAT a family tradition!
I agree, she gave you your out without all of the drama. Take this gift and run!!
Have a Happy, Relaxed, Drama Free Christmas Eve!!
I am sorry she hurt your feelings. I would take this as a blessing in disguise. You will not have to deal with the stress or drama from them. Enjoy your family and create your own traditions. Let it go....
Think of this as a wonderful, surprise early Christmas present for you! I'd be completely relieved. I probably would have blurted out "Oh thank goodness!" and accidentally hurt HER feelings. In any case, lucky you, you dodged a bullet - now you can enjoy a peaceful Christmas Eve.
I would feel like I got my wish!
Seriously--they're NOT coming--so don't waste another minute stressing g over it.
Don't give it another thought and don't be hurt.
It sounds like it will be a lot better this year.
There is no excuse under the sun for a FIL to call his grandchild stupid.
Ever!
Don't be sad, be glad. It will be just fine & you can start your own traditions.
We used to have HUGE family celebrations until they started being toxic.
It became bad enough for a child to notice. That I never missed!
I say count your blessings that you don't have to deal with their rude butts anymore! Yahoo!
I would be elated. Focus on the people you enjoy sharing time with. You will be able to give your immediate family more attention and can tailor your holiday to exactly what you enjoy doing. Eat what you want when you want to eat it. Plan something fun like gingerbread house decorating or cookie decorating or something.
Go with relief and make the dinner how you want it without the stress this year.
How would I feel?
WHooooHooooooo!!!!!!!
They're still joining you on X-Mas morning, so it isn't like they are going to be missing out on time with the kids and you. I'd count this as a big blessing, and be excited for the chance to have something with just me, hubby and the kids.
well I would be relieved.
I would feel awesome!!!! LOL! Have FUN!!!!
If this were me I'd be shouting THANK YOU GOD!!! Prayers answered!!!
I went back and read your other post about Christmas - don't know how I missed it - if someone called my child "stupid" for ANY reason, it would be a VERY long time before they were welcomed into my house again. I don't care if they are related or not!
As for your MIL - she sounds like mine; a real whack-job!!! Altho mine is tolerable, it's really my FIL who no one wants to be around. He's also a piece of work! Sounds very similar to yours - will ignore us all most the time; stays up in his room on the computer; comes out to eat; won't even open presents while we're all there which really pisses us all off. Can't ever have a civil conversation; always ends up yelling at anyone that doesn't agree with him about anything; the list goes on and on....!!!
The ONLY reason we're still considering going for Christmas is it's about the only time we get to see other family members - sister-in-laws that I like and the kids' get to see their cousins.
So, if I were you, I would just make the best of the Christmas morning and be as cordial as you can be. As for Christmas Eve - I would make it very special for just your family and enjoy it by being stress-free!!!!
And yes, I totally get that you're feeling hurt even though deep down I'm betting you're also very glad!!!
Good luck and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
You dodged that bullet!
I'd feel relieved and not hurt at all.
Christmas Eve is always a family day for us. My whole family gets together and we have taco's for dinner and open gifts. These are the gifts the family exchanges...though it is normally just as much as the kids will get the next morning - that's why we do it on two days. We also all go to church that evening...normally a 7 or 8pm service.
We all do our own thing on Christmas morning - I wouldn't want anyone else in our house then. Everyone gets together (who wants to) for Christmas dinner later that day.
My parents also eat and run...but I love it. They help clean and take leftovers, but people aren't at my house for hours on end. I prefer our time. So I'd probably be a bit relieved. Also, if the family getting together on holdays always causes a fight, I'd not do it anymore at all. The kids don't need those kind of memories.
Relieved that she said what I was thinking! I would have given her a hug and said she was the best MIL ever...
Start your own family traditions that do not include the inlaws for christmas eve. do dinner, go see christmas lights, go to a church service whatever just do it for your own family. you will be happy you have traditions of your own that don't include drama.
relieved that for once i could enjoy the holiday and not have to worry about meal plans and getting the house super duper tidy.
Thankful that I wouldn't have to deal with the a-hole of a FIL. Sorry for her that she does have to deal with him. Let her have the peace she needs and don't blame her or take it personally that she needs to find that peace for the holiday.
If you love your MIL and want to spend time with her or have kid time with her, start a NEW tradition of Grandma day and do something with just her and the kids or just you and her (Holiday Girl Day).
I might be hurt too. I would probably actually be more annoyed that she was the one who made the decision to change the plans and not come for dinner rather than me being the one to change the plans. I'd be a little pissed thinking, "Hey, I wanted to do that! Why does SHE get to be the one to decide?"
Relieved to carry on with your own family traditions
My MIL is a train wreck.. I would be super happy and doing the biggest happy dance.
But instead I am going over there on Christmas day. Brining most of my own food for my son, since she is incabable of reading lables and keeping the foods that he can not eat out of her house. (last year out of 5 deserts, she could not have 1 that my son could have.. her ONE AND ONLY grandson).
It is better to have your own christmas..less people to please.
Isn't it funny how we get used to things that drive us crazy and then we miss them when it doesn't happen?
I know families that wouldn't consider a holiday complete without some type of big blow up. They feel like things are a little too eerily quiet if it doesn't happen.
Anyway, there's no sense in having hurt feelings over this. They aren't refusing to come to your house all together.
I don't go to church, but always around the holidays, I get invited to attend special services, programs, and choir events. I really enjoy them and my friends are happy to have us there.
She gave you plenty of notice. You already planned to make dinner easy and quick.
Enjoy your Christmas Eve and let your inlaws enjoy theirs.
Best wishes.
Hi Mary,
I have to absolutely agree with the other posts.
I never deal with my in-laws, they are my husband's family of origin so it is up to him to manage such things (just as I manage mine for him). And if anyone called my son at any age stupid there would be consequences for sure. Sorry to sound heavy handed but good riddance to bad rubbish. Enjoy YOUR family over the holidays. :-) S.
You got what you wanted. If it were me, I guess I'd be glad I got what I wanted, but it sounds like what you really wanted was for them to come, even it it meant you'd be miserable. I think it's hurting your feelings to know that MIL and FIL can get by just fine on their own for the holidays and they're not revolving their holiday around you and the kids.
Be careful what you wish for!
Probably the same as you, but then I would get on track to enjoy that day. Look at this as a blessing in disguise, and a chance for new beginnings!
Sigh. <<hugs>>
I'd be thanking God for an answer to prayer.
Who wants to deal with that kind of stress?
Enjoy your Christmas Eve dinner. At 4pm if you want!
I'd be doing a happy dance and would pour myself a little congratulatory glass of wine to celebrate. Yay - you get to do Christmas Eve without stress!
We cannot have it all.
It is not all about us.
It could be worse she could be moving in with you.
Take what you can get..
Learn to be a tree, you can bend..
Pick one of the above.
Mary, Just try to have a Merry Christmas.. and stay away from drama, do not read into everything so much..
Oh I wouldn't make it a big deal.
Your MIL is a very picky and rigid person.
So what.
They made their decision.
Fine.
They all pout when they don't get their way anyway and this year they made their own plans. Great. Now you and your nuclear family, can do something else or even come up with your own, traditions for Christmas dinner.
I wouldn't bat an eyelash at this.
No biggie.
I would be glad.
And glad, that your in-laws can make their own plans, too.
And they are coming on Christmas morning to see your kids open presents. That is perfectly, FINE.
You can make a brunch.
That can be a NEW tradition.
Unless, your MIL & FIL get pouty again.
But you know they are this way.
You dreaded your In-laws coming over, now they are not, and you are disappointed?
Read this:http://www.womenforwomen.org/global-initiatives-helping-w...
It will make you grateful to even be able to have a holiday =)
Be thankful to beable to do your own thing! At least she is still coming Christmas morning.
I'd feel thrilled I didn't have to go through another painful meal with people who clearly would rather be somewhere else and pleased I'd only have to see them Christmas morning (or disappointed I still had to see them Christmas morning, depending on how much they irritated me ;-D). I have family that can be difficult and honestly I am much happier when I don't have to deal with them. Though I do understand completely your feeling hurt. My best advice is focus on the positive things and don't let the hurt get you down. Some people will only participate in a relationship if we make all the sacrifices. I've learned that with those people I make the effort I want to make and let it go at that. Have a blessed Christmas and enjoy starting your new traditions! :-D
Sounds like you should just be happy they aren't coming. You usually dread it, but now your feelings are hurt? Why?
It can't be both ways. I'd enjoy a peaceful evening and be done w/ it!
