Mil - Chicago,IL

Mommy,
You do seem to be having a very bad time right now. My heart goes out to you. We can't change other people but we CAN change how we react to them.
O. example: If she says she'll wash you daughter's hair, you could say "Thanks, here's the towel and her p.j.'s for when she's all done." And walk away.
Please get some individual counseling or go to an Alanon group meeting. It will really help you. You're NOT crazy, it just sounds like you're living with a few crazies right now...God Bless.

I don't know your full situation, but in reading your other questions, you don't seem to be having a good time right now. You have to find the strength in yourself to stand up to her. I had this same issue with my step mother when I was growing up. After she realized I wasn't going to take it any more, she stopped.

Don't harp on it with your husband. Be smart about it and don't let it elevate. You have to learn to turn the situation to make her show her true colors. If she wants to make it seem like she is doing everything, have her do more in front of people. "MIL... I know you ALWAYS do XYZ can you do that for me right now...." I really hate to play games, but some people only work that way. Also, try to find a few good things about her and compliment her. With these things, you are showing you are in control while not completely isolating her. It's a hard balance, but you will figure out what works for you.

Find confidence in yourself and don't let people dictate how you feel. You have a hard road right now and I hope you find a light soon. I'm on marriage #3... My first was abusive, my second an alcoholic. It took me a lot to find the right man and I thank God I did not have kids with my other husbands. I did not want any child I would have had learning those behaviors to pass on to their children or thinking that was ok. It's not! The best thing a parent can give a child is a loving and stable home. In that, confidence and trust is built.

Find your strength...

Don't wait for your husband to go to counseling with you. Go by yourself. You can't change the way thay anyone else acts, but you can change the way you respond instead of reacting to what people say. It took me a long time to learn how to do this.

Good luck & God Bless!

I think the main problem is with your husband and the mil trouble is a byproduct of that. I don't think the mil problem will ever change if he is not respectful of you and supports you. The counseling idea is a good one, even by yourself, so you can learn productive ways to deal with issues. Hopefully you can convince your husband to join you at some point. I feel for you because you seem to be standing alone and deserve better than that. I wish the best for you to be strong and do what you know is right for yourself and your children.

Advice: Give the baby a bath when they are not around. Unfortunately, mother in laws will be there for awhile so unless she shuts up, or he sticks up for you you might as well be creative. Perhaps find other ways around these times when you are feeling victimized. My mother in law lives in another country and my husband thinks no matter what she says that she is a saint. So at least she is far away but he lives on the phone with her. That is life. Your husband is doing the old fashioned trying to stay out of it. ONe up him and find another way to do the things that will be commented on. Or calmly tell her that you are the mom and you have it under control. Now wont that surprise hubby and her?

You need to find some inner strength, even if that means going to counseling by yourself to figure out how to get some. You should not have to live with someone (your husband) ever telling you to shut up!! That's hurtful and disrespectful to you and should not be tolerated any more than your mother-in-law being rude to you. Are you living in HER home or is she living in YOURS?

I don't know your living situation, does your M in Law live with your family?
I would tell her to stay away unless her help is warranted. I know it's tough but you need to tell her asap to stay away when you are raising your child.

I am concerned that your husband doesn't back you up and instead tells you to "shut up", ----ohh he will be in the dog house for freaking eternity.
Put your foot down dear and let your husband choose - to stand up or stay out of your way when dealing with your daughter. I do not let anyone push me around even my own mother.