My kids (4 and 3) really seem to struggle when we are leaving somewhere. It's not all the time, maybe 1/4th of the time. When leaving a play place they are fine. We give them the 5 or 10 minute warning and then we go. However, last night, for example - we were leaving a neighbors who had a bunch of families over to watch the superbowl. We left first... It was near bedtime, but not past. The kids didn't want to stop playing. So they literally screamed "I want to stay". We calmly but quickly left. When I asked the 4 year old to say good bye - she said "no"...at least the 3 year old managed a teary-eyed wave. Any suggestions on how to make this transition smoother... for us and the poor guests?
Thanks for your supportive words and encouragement. I'll keep trying to be calm and setting expectations before we leave that they understand... I feel better knowing it's a normal reaction/stage.
I would always try to give a few warnings. Work it in like "When the game is over, we're going home" "The game is over, get your stuff together..." But overall I think it's pretty typical of all kids, especially when they are having fun and are tired.
there's sometimes no way to make it *okay*. i remember weeping with a heart that really felt as if it would break when i had to leave my best friend's house. there wasn't much anyone could have done about it. i suppose my mother could have threatened me into stifling it, but i'm glad she didn't.
warnings and then leaving calmly are absolutely the best way to deal. it won't make the transition go more smoothly, but your kids are learning that a) their parents let them know what's up, they don't get nasty surprises and b) their parents follow through.
you are already handling this beautifully.
khairete
S.
It's good to sometimes get them to calm down a bit before leaving if they are running around, call them over and tell them "it's time to start winding/calming down". Ask them to sit and have a glass of water or something. Or ask them to go gather coats, talk to an adult (something boring). If they are playing a board game or video game say "as soon as this game is over we are going to go". The time warnings can be a bit arbitrary at their ages and will work fine generally but when they don't have a good sense of what 5 minutes feels like, it's stressful. (5 minutes can feel like FOREVER or no time at all).
Otherwise, we all understand. Kids having fun are reluctant to leave.
They're still pre-school, so maybe they were overwhelmed with all the excitement. Saying "good-bye" for them in this type of situation, especially if it keeps them from getting hysterical, and also because it's not something that happens often is a perfectly acceptable way of handling things.
My son used to *always* cry heavily at the end of a day with a lot of excitement. He's older now and doesn't do that any more, but when he was little, he needed the release because he couldn't process all his emotions yet.
I think you've already done the most important thing, you stuck to your guns. I had a friend who's daughter always did that at that age. She had a talk with her daughter before they attended whatever event they were going to and explained that if she had that reaction, they wouldn't go the next time. It helped but it wasn't the end all. Trust me, they will eventually grow out of it. When she had a hard time with people leaving her own home, she told her daughter that it was okay for her to be upset and cry but she had to do it up in her room. This too shall pass but definitely stick to your guns!
