Meltdowns and Temper Tantrums

I had the same problem with my daughter. It got to the point that she would scream and pitch a fit when we pulled up to the swim lesson location. That is when I decided to drop out of the class. She is almost 5 years old now and swims like a fish. She loves the pool, just not the structure of a class. Is there a way you can request a spot off to yourself during the class to just "do your own thing"? Or is there a time slot that is open swim instead of lessons? My daughter learned to swim by using arm floaties. One day I left one of her floaties at a friends pool and so she swam with just one for a day or two and then decided to try and swim without one. She did great. She didn't want to go under water for a long time until I asked her if she could swim like little mermaid (her favorite movie) and off she went. Some kids just need to go at their own pace. Please note- she acts completely different about pre-school. The structure there she enjoys. Good luck and I hope that helps.
K. D

Hi,

I've taught swimming for 30 years, so here's my opinion. Take him out of the classes now. Sorry about the lost money. Teach your child yourself. He;s not even 2, and not ready to learn this stuff. This is all developmental timing. My suggestions: have fun with him! Let him do all those things he wants to do. He's exploring and learning. In the process, teach him some key words: "kick" (say it and help him do it every time his feet hit the water-and he will do a bicycle kick which is fine), dig (show him and teach him to dig a little hole with his hands in front of his body), let him jump off the side with or without your help (let him go under), be excited every time he does something. Teach him to blow bubbles. Get some toys that he can play with on the steps,get him some swimmies (arm floaties) and let him go to the other end of the pool with you (please don't call it the deep end-it's all deep to him). Teach him to NEVER go in the pool without you-discipline him if he does. Leading cause of death in kids under 4 is drowning. Now, next summer, go to a mommy-me (daddy-me) class so you are with him. He's too young to go to a class without you. Enjoy the water, make it fun, don't be afraid for him to try stuff...just be there with him. Make water a wonderful, exciting experience-don't teach him fear, but respect for the water. But that's just my opinion.

C.,
He is not ready for the swim classes and this is his way of letting you know it. The sooner you are ok with that, the less traumatic it will be for everyone. Just try again next year or wait two years. Don't be in a hurry and try to rush him. He will let you know when he is ready for it and he may even ask to go back when he is ready.

C. ~ Maybe you need to stop these lessons, and begin some "private" ones. My son takes the Infant Swimming Resource lessons which are only 10 min. each day and directly with the instructor while the parent watches on from the poolside. Check out www.infantswim.com. Are you in Jacksonville, FL? I can suggest a couple instructors. And they are use to crying and screaming!! ;-)

When your husband took him out of the pool, your son got exactly what he wanted. Your son will continue to throw fits if he thinks it will get him what he wants--not just in swimming lessons, but in many situations.

Check out Infant Swimming Resource--www.infantswim.com.

They are private lessons--only the instructor and child are in the water. It is too hard to be objective with your own child, but something as important as safety in the water should be taken seriously. Good luck.

Ask for a refund. The teacher may be happy to refund, just to get rid of you. Explain you are concerned about the other paying customers in the pool and that you and your kid are ruining their experience. If would end by saying, I hope you don't loose any business because of us.

I understand your frustration, but you have to persevere. Instead of the group class, maybe you could ask the aquatic center you are using to apply the fee you paid already to a private lesson. It may cost a little more, but it's very important that your son get proper instruction on water safety, and you're right it isn't fair to the other kids/parents if your child is monopolizing class time. Maybe he's not ready at all, but at about 22 months my daughter fell into a friends pool when no one was with her and she was able to find the surface, roll over on her back and keep her face above water untill I jumped in to grab her. that's what they taught her at Safe Start at the YMCA and I have no doubts in my mind it saved her life. Good luck!

My son is three and we signed him up for classes at the Y and he hated it. My son is very active and very outgoing, as you said yours is. The trouble is he likes to do things his way and hates to be told what to do. So what we ended up doing is a trade off, you do what you want, then you do this. Then you do what you want. Every class I took him too was a battle and all of the children 3 and under were having the same issues. I just think it is too early, we stopped going because it was so tramatic for him and us. Also they were having them when it was too cold and he hates the cold. Personally I do not think he was learning anymore than he would if I did the same things with him in the pool. But we will wait and try again when he is 4.
T.

My daughter did exactly the same thing at exactly the same age. I know what you are going thru! :>) I remember that embarassment and the hassle of getting out of the pool to chase her. She is now 3 years old (an avid pool lover!!) and as I have learned her temperments and mood, I now realize it is just "who she is." She is very independent and likes to explore on her own. So, here is my two cents. Take him out of the class. Ask the swimming people if you can have a credit for next summer when he may be able to handle the class better. At the age of 20 months, they really don't "need" swim lessons. OR, if you have a pool at home and really think those classes are essential to his safety, find the classes like Safe Start that do a lesson in 10 minute spurts for 10 workdays straight. Or have someone come to your house and give lessons. Every time that I have thought about a class for her at My Gym or wherever, I have always had to ask if they "force" the kids to sit and listen. Some places do. That never worked for my daughter and I stopped spending the money and fighting her. Until I found a teacher and a Gymboree class that allows her to roam for awhile. Also, as an early childhood teacher (many years ago), I remember that kids as young as the one's and two's just arent't ready for structured, 'listen to the teacher' type classes, even IF there are other kid's who can sit still or play in the pool.
When your son is ready to do it...he will do it well and it will make you laugh at the times you were so frustrated with spending the money and dragging him out. I have really learned to follow my daughter's lead (within limits) and her temperment and we are ALL happier!! Good Luck!!

Hi C.,
I understand that you want your son to be safe around the water. Obviously, in Florida there are pools and ponds and lakes everywhere. Your child needs to know how to rescue himself should he wind up in the water by accident. It sounds like you are taking him to a program that teaches children to have fun in the water... but not how to save themselves. This will only make matters worse, as he now comes to believe that the water if fun! When he winds up in the pool without Daddy, he will have no clue what to do.

You need to enroll him in Infant Swimming Resource. ISR is a program that teaches children as young as 6 months to save themselves! It is amazing to see a little child who can barely crawl, roll over and float on their back. Children who are walking are taught to swim.. roll back to float so they can rest and breathe.. and then flip over and swim some more. They repeat this process until they can get to the steps, or side or someplace to hold on to.

ISR has 40 years of experience in the best way to teach children to rescue themselves. YES.. many children will scream through lessons -- that is okay. They have no other way to express that they are mad about being made to do something that is uncomfortable (for a time) or that they just don't want to do. But lessons are only 10 minutes each day - 5 days each week - for approximately 6 weeks. So a little screaming is not a big issue. Even the worst screamers are happy as soon as they are out of the water and doing what they want. It is no big deal.

Please visit www.InfantSwim.com and find an instructor in your area. Or visit www.855SAFE.com for some instructors in the Orange, Seminole and Volusia county areas. Or call 407-855-SAFE and you will be referred to an instructor in your area.

I promise you -- your child will learn to be safe - will learn to swim a little and will learn to enjoy the water. Even if he fights through the entire process... he will still learn to be SAFE! And isn't that the most important thing?

I have been the Grandma bringing my precious baby to lessons and I am now an instructor with ISR. My 5 grand daughters all went through lessons - many cried or screamed through the lessons .. and they ALL love being in the pool as much as possible now. AND.. they are great little swimmers.

PLEASE... PLEASE... find an ISR instructor near you and investigate Survival Swimming Lessons... Teach your child to be SAFE in the water. Teach your child to rescue himself!!

And... don't give in to temper tantrums.. if you give in at 20 minths - what are you going to do with a 12 year old?

God Bless!
M.

I say that it isn't worth all the money in the world to cause your child to experience that, it could be a fear.
Just drop the classes.

Hi Crista,
I used to be a parent/ child swim instructor before I had children, and I had several children in my classes like that. It never bothered me and if your swim instructor understands children then it shouldn't bother him/her. I could tell that it made the parents of those children more uneasy than it did me or the other parents. What some of them did was move away just a little bit from the class and sang or gave them a toy and still tried to continue to work with them. I was very flexible in my class, and really let the parents do what they felt would work better for the children that didn't want to cooperate. They are young and it's hard for them to understand sometimes, and have their own ideas. One idea might be is if he likes to climb out of the water and jump in, then you could ask your swim instructor if he/she minds that your baby do it once or twice and then at the same time tell your baby that if he wants to jump in, he has to kick when he jumps in. So, have your husband catch him then immediately and pull away from the side of the pool saying okay now "kick! kick!" You can even put a toy in front of him and have him kick to it. Turn it into a game and practice alot when you're not in class. Hopefully your intstructor will be fine with that. You should still be able to get a lot time and worth out of your class! I hope this helps! I taught swimming lessons for 8 years from ages 6 months to 83 years and believe me, I have had lots of difficult children! And this one seems fairly easy to remedy. If you need any other advice about the swimming ideas, just e-mail me!
I hope this helps!! Take care!
V.

He sounds scared. I put both of mine in the pool on their
own: after I put their US coast Guard approved lift vest on them. PLease donot use anything that has air in ir as a life saver.. They puncuture and child is down.