Me

Plant a garden. Get a tatoo. Do anything that you used to. It took me along time to relize that I could be a great mom and still be myself too!!!

Get some Guard moms to be friends with, ASAP! From your hubby's unit. Invite them over for a movie and popcorn if anything.

Medication and therapy can never replace a good girlfriend.

BTW, I am a guard wife and my hubby is deploying this fall. My lifeline is not my family but my Guard wives. I have two friends that are really tight with me. We met through FRG and spend all the weekends and ATs together that we can, and are going to be each other's families while hubbies are gone. No one understands me like they do. I hope you find some friends from there.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. My husband travels for work for several weeks at a time and then is home for a just a few days before going back again. I have a 2 year old and stay home with him, and it gets hard being alone all the time. My husband used to be in the military prior to us having a baby, so I am used to the travel aspect, but I always worked before, plus I had that military support system. Now I have neither.

I know summer is coming but since your girls are school age, I highly suggest taking some class at a community college that interests you, like photography or pottery or a literature class, whatever your interest is. Something to keep you busy, get you out of the house, and is only about your interest, not being a mom. I look forward to doing that when my son can be in preschool.

Right now I am a member of the MOMS Club, and it has been a lifesaver. there are lots of moms in my group that have school age children, so it isn't just for toddlers and preschoolers. They joined or stayed in just to be able to do the night time and summer activities. We do bunco once a month, and a moms night out to a restaurant, or a moms night in at someone's house. Usually the nights in are a fun theme, like at the holidays we did a cookie swap, but really they are just an excuse to bring a bottle of wine and some appetizers over and sit around and talk. You could find similar groups in your area possibly by going to yahoo groups or meetup.com. Or start your own meetup group if there isn't one. You could check for a bunco group or a book club too. If you know any moms from your kids school, see if they want to start a bunco group. If you don't know what bunco is, its a very easy dice game that you play in small groups while you sit around and chat, basically.

I am struggling really bad with the sleep issues right now too. I am this close to seeing my doctor about it, but I haven't really made much of an effort to fix it on my own yet, so I am trying to force myself to go to bed earlier. It isn't really working though. For me, the bored, anxious, sad feelings are all worse when I am sleep deprived, and especially the anger. I suffer from depression/anxiety at times too, and your symptoms sound similar to what I have gone through. If your medication is not working for you, it might be time to get the dosage changed or try a new one. Medications work different for everyone and it can take several tries to find the right one. I am assuming it is a depression/anxiety medication. If it isnt, you should probably talk to your doctor about trying one. And talk to your doctor about the sleep issues, you can't possibly get better if you are sleep deprived. Maybe your medication is causing the insomnia, or maybe you need to try some kind of sleep aid. I have been trying to find information on natural sleep aids, so I will be interested in seeing what responses you get about that. I am not comfortable taking sleeping pills with a toddler and no one else in the house, so I am not sure what my options are.

I completely understand how you feel. Some of my days are great, and some of them I feel like you wrote your post exactly about me. I hope you get some good suggestions that will work for you. If you even need a friendly understanding ear, feel free to message me. (((hugs to you)))

You are not alone! So many of us feel this way at times, and it's even harder when you're the only parent on duty. How much harder with the light at the end of the tunnel months away? You have every right to feel depressed and anxious, but because you also have to care for your kids, I'm glad to see you recognize it can't stay like this.
Are you making progress with your therapist? Sometimes a Dr just isn't quite the right fit and you need to try a few before you land on a match. Have you looked into support groups in your area? I'm sure there are lots of other spouses who're going through this while they hold down the fort at home.
There is the added issue that so many of us face: Losing yourself in becoming a MOM. This is part of the journey. Find time - even 2 hours a week- to just do something for yourself. A long bath, a movie, a nice meal. No kids. Just something pleasurable. And I find journaling helps me reconnect with myself, too. Just writing- venting, really- how I feel, everything I'm feeling (anger, frustration, fear) can really help me shake some of it off.

I second the suggestion that you should force yourself to get out whenever you can. Just the sunshine DOES help. Also, I find that Magnesium, Vitamin D and B complex (subligual) really helps my anxiety immensely and helps me sleep better. And don't be afraid to reach out for friendship and help- you need it, and deserve it! This will get better, I swear!
HUGS!

You are so not alone, a lot of us military mommas go through this every time our hubbys deploy. Try to reach out to the other guard moms so your shared stress and sadness can lessen the burden on all of you.

This may not sound like a way to nurture yourself, but you might consider focusing on others, possibly in a volunteer capacity. People who do this often remark at how alive they feel, how useful/worthwhile their lives become, how stimulating the new situations are for them. Social scientists note that service to others is often a source of satisfaction and joy.

And I agree that taking a class in something you might once have been interested in is another good starting point. Good luck – I hope you find just the right thing for YOU.

I second the opinion of starting an exercise regimen. It is the safest and easiest way to pump up your endorphins and get rid of the blues. It takes two weeks to form a habit, so get that habit going. Research tells us that people who work out in the morning stick with it longer, but do whatever works for you. Best of luck to you!

One thing I periodically do is play the "If I had 1, 10, 100 million dollars... what would I do with it?"

I'm serious. I list out EVERYTHING. From people and orgs I'd give it away to, to the ultimate fantasies, to __________. What I invariably find with this process is what I REALLY want to be doing with my life.

Then it's time to get creative, and I figure out ways to make it happen. Some things, of course, can't happen right away (like I would reeeeally like to be able to wake up, stumble to the pool, dive in and go swimming every morning... so that just tells me that the next place we move we need to be moving to a place/house that has a pool... yipee... dream in progress, it's just going to take a few years until we move). Other things have to be altered. I can't spend all year traveling around the world. But I CAN work it so that I'm traveling at least a week-a month out of most years. I can't finance an archeological dig, but I can volunteer at one. I can't be an art collector, but I can go to museums (not only in person, but also virtual tours!). I can't sleep in until noon every day, but I can arrange it so I can sleep in until noon at least once a week. I can't have all my clothes custom made, but I can get individual pieces custom made AND I can learn to sew, so I can make some of my own. I can't sail the world, but I CAN learn how to sail. When I can't do x, I just keep turning the problem over and over in my mind until I get a *piece* of X. :) :) :)

I look at every aspect of my life this way. Job, education, playtime, living situ, what I want for kiddo, EVERYTHING. It's totally self indulgent and happy making... because after I get the mondo list written I actually get to START implementing it. It requires a lot of creativity, and a lot of patience... but it distills ME out of the daily doldrums like little else I've ever found.

I wonder if you can try taking some time just to yourself - try to find yourself again. This might mean taking a class (dance, art, anything you love...), joining a group with like-minded individuals, or just treating yourself to something nice.

It sounds like you have a difficult situation, being a SAHM with your husband deployed and you on your own. I think your daughters will benefit so much more from you being happy, and that means doing whatever will make you happy. Medication and therapy are all well and good, but sometimes you need to break the cycle by doing something brave, just for you.

I would try to be honest with myself about where the feelings of anger are coming from, and find ways to channel that in an effective and positive way. Depression and anger can be closely linked, and if you feel you have lost yourself, it is time to find yourself again. You are your daughters' role model, so do it for them, if not for yourself. XO.

I'm so sorry and feel for you. My hubby is in the National Guard and is being deployed to Iraq this Sept. I don't really know what to say.....i know when my hubby is gone I have to get out and be around people a lot or I really start to get lonely. You are no alone. I do go through the same things you are talking about when my husband is gone. He has never been gone for a year (this will be his first deployment) but he has had to leave for 6 weeks here, 4 months there, 6 months, 8 weeks etc. For training and such. And I have two little girls ages 3 and 1 so I know it is very hard. One thing that has started to help me is just finding support in other woman in the army and I find comfort in hearing about how they feel. I started an army blog called Day in the life of an army wife. And in doing that I have found a whole net work of women just like me. I love it and love reading about what they think. If you would like to check out my blog and from there see other blogs that I follow you can go to my site.
http://www.dayinthelifeofanarmywife1.blogspot.com

Try to get together with some other military wives - they understand what it is like to have your life sort of on hold until your other half gets back. It's very tough.
My first husband (Navy) was deployed twice for 6 months at a time. We had no children, but I was away from home and family and it was really tough. I had nightmares, felt afraid, depressed, you name it. Going to my job every day helped, going to a therapist helped (I know you said that you do), and mediation helped once I found the right one. Tell your therapist that you don't think the medication is working for you and have him/her suggest something else.
Good luck

start somekind of excercise. arobics taichi, or something. I understand your feeling. take the girls to the park and get out in the sun. do anything to get out of the house. church anything. the sun will give you energy and help beat the blues. I know I went through this same thing. you probably are lacking adult companionship.

after reading this I thought, hey that sounds like ME! I understand, although my husband is not in the service. It is hard when you realize that you seem to have lost yourself. know that you are not alone, but you have to force yourself to do something. Walking is an alternative if you can't get to the YMCA. Thankfully you have a therapist as an outlet. Know that you are taking steps to make yourself feel better and pat yourself on the back for that. No one else will! (except us posters!!!!)
Good Luck!

It's a GRIND. Especially when it all falls on you. Try to do something you like to do every day. Read a chapter of a book, take a walk, get your toes pedi's....anything you enjoy. If you still feel badly, talk to your doc about switching meds...best of luck. Hang in there. What you are doing IS important, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time....

Hugs....

you are not alone.
I have felt like that too, sometimes.

I agree with the other posters about starting up some sort of an exercise routine. It will help to ease your stress and anxiety. I have felt like you have in the past and it helps me tremendously. Try to get out as much as possible, to the park, beach, mall anywhere where there are other people. Find something you used to love and get back into it. Introduce your kids to what you love and get them into it too. It's hard, but start small. Don't set unrealistic goals for yourself or you will be discouraged. Try and do something nice for yourself every day. Even tiny things like paint your nails. You'll have to force yourself at first, but then it will become routine. About a year ago I decided to put myself "back in the top 10" list as I called it. Meaning the top 10 things that need attention around the house. I would tell myself that everyday. As moms we tend to neglect ourselves and it can ruin your self worth. Make yourself a priority. Best of luck to you!

In addition to the thoughtful advice you have received, you might want to consider changing your therapist and/or medication. You sound depressed and should be able to get successful treatment.
Good luck,
J.

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your current state of mind. Have you considered a home business that might perk your interest while offering you the chance to earn some great money for just 5-8 hours a week? If you would like more info on the business I do at home, contact me at ____@____.com It's just a thought but would get your mind going in another direction and motivate you to interact with other people regularly. E.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but it sounds like your suffering from depression. Try and do ONE thing for yourself every day, even if it's something as simple as taking a long soaking bath at an odd time of the day (girls are in school - - take one at lunch time!) My ex was never in the military, but after my divorce I had a hard time with the same problems - and a friend advised me to do one nice thing for myself every day. Believe it or not, it really helped.

Also, your kids are older now - I was a stay at home mom until my youngest was in the 3rd grade - but why not try and find a part time job or volunteering somewhere? Just getting back into the "grown-up" world a few hours a day can help drasticaly! I started by volunteering at my kids schools at that time - then when my baby started high school I went back to teaching full time.
There are hundred of volunteers needed - and you can give as much or as little time as you have. Get with other military wives - but make sure that the group is a positive one - I have a co-teacher who tried several groups before she found one that "fit" her. Good luck, go find a good book and read something, and take care of YOU!