Marriage Issues - Spring,TX

Updated on June 11, 2010
A.D. asks from Spring, TX
10 answers

Hi! I am a stay at home mom of a beautiful one year old and I have been having marriage issues for a couple years now. I have been married for three years and most if it has been filled with pain and heart ache. We are a young couple, I am 24 and he is 25 and still have a lot of growing up to do. When we get into arguments they tend to spiral out of control. In any argument we have he switches it around saying it is all my fault, and even if he apologizes he demands an apology from me as well. We are currently seeing a marriage councilor (whom are his uncle and aunt) and they have helped tremendously , however they go out of town a lot and when we have a stretch of time when we dont meet with them things tend to go right back the way they were. Whenever I tell him I am going to leave him (which I want to avoid) he says I will never get custody of Sadie becasue he is the one who makes money and I couldnt even afford myself. Any advice would help!

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A.L.

answers from Chicago on

You need to find someone else (non Family) to speak to. Any physical contact like this between either of you is not healthy for you or your child. This is an abusive relationship and you need to take care of yourself for your child's sake.

How would you react if he tried to break your child's arm, that may be coming if you don't do anything about it now. Please please for the sake of your child if not for yourself seek outside help.

Please call Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224 they can help guide you.

5 moms found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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5 moms found this helpful
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K.I.

answers from Indianapolis on

Just remember that your daughter is learning from this. She will not even realize that she thinks it's normal for a mommy and daddy to punch each other or get physical. I think deep down you know this isn't right. I don't care how he justifies it. If you two are losing control that way, maybe it's time for you to work on things from a distance. You have every much right to Sadie as he does. Sorry you're going through this. Work on that self esteem hun. You deserve better! ~hugs~

2 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Do not tell him you are going to leave him. Just leave him. He is abusive. He will continue to hurt you, and he will eventually hurt your child. Move in with your family. File police reports, do whatever you have to. Having his family as counselors may be nice and helpful, but counselors need to be objective and there is no way they can be, no matter how hard they try.

I have a family member who stayed with a man who hit her once, but was emotionally abusive. The 2nd time he hit her, years later, she left. But it may be too late for her son, who has learned how to be a "man" from this jerk. You are the role model for your daughter. Staying with him will only teach her to be a victim.

You are the one who will have to decide when enough is enough. None of us can convince you to leave, no matter how hard we try. Think of your daughter if you can't do it for yourself. There are times when it's NOT ok to stay together for the sake of the child, and this is one of them.

2 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Leave him. I know you don't want to leave him, but trust me... He is not going to change. He's already tried to hurt your child while you were pregnant with your child (By flipping a mattress on top of you), so he'll have no problem hurting your child now that he/she is outside of the womb. Trying to break your arm because you throw a pillow at him... One day, he's going to succeed. And one day he's not going to try to break your arm... He's going to try to break your neck.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

He sounds very dangerous. You need to get out before something REALLY bad happens. And, it doesn't matter who makes the "money" since he is abusive he would not get custody of your daughter.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

You and your baby girl will have a much happier life without him in it. I hate to be rude, but you should know better than to stay with a man that would dare raise a hand to you, pregnant or not. You will not change him, he will not suddenly become a good man even after he "grows up". I have had experience with this, and I know what I am talking about!
Call the police and file reports for each time he hurts or threatens you. Find a way to get out of the situation. Have the police remove him from your home if you have to, and change the locks. It would be better if you could move, but if you can't then he has to.
You do not want your daughter growing up thinking it's OK for a man to hit ANYONE, much less his wife. It sends the message that maybe if a boy ever hits her, it would be OK because it's somehow her fault. Now is the time to be strong and do right by your baby. Good luck and ask for help!

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M.B.

answers from Springfield on

A.,
Please leave your house now with Sadie. You and your sweet child are in real danger.
Find a place where you and your daughter are safe. Please let the police know what is going on with an official report. There is probably a shelter in your area that will help you.
If you wont do it for your self PLEASE do it for your daughter!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Wow. I'm so sorry you're in this marriage. I sincerely hope you leave. This is classic, controlling, abusive behavior. It probably won't get better. It probably WILL get worse. Good luck and God Bless.

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S.N.

answers from Houston on

I am sorry you are going through this. Leave please.. find some resources. Do something. If he can hurt you he will hurt your child. If you don't want to leave for yourself leave for your child. He is controlling you mentally and physically and just know that you are a strong woman and you will get custody and get through this. Get help and make sure you document everything. I wish you all the best. HUGS!

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