Marriage Help - Waco,TX

I was 184lbs and now 145 and trying to ge to 130lbs. I thought being the same I was before would help my relationship to, but it doesn't. I joined LA Weight Loss and it has really helped. It is a good program. I ended up doing it for me in the end. He still talks rudely and says mean things to me. He doesn't understand that you can't talk any way and still get what you want.

Clearly he is not mentally the same person you married - but I have to ask, does he still have his six pack? all his hair? does his erection last as long as it used to? I put on weight with each pregnancy, too - so did my husband. I've lost more of it than he has, but we still find each other attractive... marriage is so much more than physical.

That said, I'm having some pretty remarkable success with Kimkins... it's just low fat, low carb with 30 minutes of exercise a day.

Completely unsolicited advice from me... 150lbs is BY NO MEANS OVERWEIGHT!!!! I say if he can't deal with 30lbs after 2 kids, he's not worth keeping. The only way 150lbs would be overweight would be if you were like 4 feet tall. He needs to accept you the way you are and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Hi C.,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I went through a similar situation. First off, after having two babies and still only weighing what you weigh, thats AWESOME!! No matter what ANYBODY tells you, that in itself is GREAT!! I just had my son almost 6 months ago and I dont have the same body I used to. I dont think any woman does after having a child or two or three. I used to weigh about 150 but now weigh around 170 or so and my husband has no problems with it. He understands what a womans body goes through after having a child. Its a major change physically, mentally and emotionally. In my past relationship, before legal marriage (we were common law) and kids my "husband" at the time was the same way when I gained weight. I went from 125 to about 150 and he told me the same things your "husband" is telling you. So I did everything I could and I lost the weight but guess what? He never changed. He still gave me a hard time and still treated me w/ disrespect after I lost the all the weight and then some. It took a lot and a very long time to leave him. About a year or so. I am not saying leave him because I know you love him and you would do anything to save your marriage but if your husband is going to put restrictions and conditions on how and when hes going to treat you with respect, love and fairness, then honestly sweetie, hes not worth fighting for. You need to loose the weight for yourself, if you truly want to, then look deep down and find your self worth and make the decision whether you want to really fight for someone who will only love you conditionally. Like I said before, I have been in the same exact situtation (except for kids)and after doing everything he asked, he still treated me the wrong way. So I left and I am now married to a wonderful wonderful man who truly loves me unconditionally. As a matter of fact, my husband now thinks I am sexier since I have had my son. There are men out there who do find mommies sexy and who will love you NO MATTER WHAT. You just need to look deep down and find that strong woman who knows what she deserves. Plus your husband is also showing your kids how to put conditions on other people no matter who they are and in my opinion, thats not good for the kids. I hope this helps in some way. Again, I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know its hard, I really do. I hope everything goes well in the end and I wish you the best of luck. PS, If you ever want to talk or vent you are more than welcome to write me if you want. S.

When my husband and I got together I weighed 120 and now I am over 200. I have had 3 kids and I am a stay at home Mom. Yes I may be big but I am active and I am the same person I was when we married. I am sorry your husband thinks that way, he really shouldn't and realize your not like those people on TV who have a baby and then lose all that baby fat. He should love you for you. Losing the weight may make you more appealing to him but deep down he is the one with the problem not you. Lose the weight only if you want to. Good luck.

My true honest opinion is as long as you are happy with your self then it should not matter what any one else says, also yes he may have married you at 120 lbs and now you are 150 but the person he married has not changed and the extra weight you are carring is apart of you kids and something you should be very proud of, also you can ask him to help you shed off a couple pound like going walking with you and the most fun is they say having sex does make you burn 500 calories (lol). See if this will help.

Bless your heart. That is such a hard situation.

Your husband insulting you is not going to help or make you lose weight. No one can be humiliated into doing something. Most people use food as a comfort and stress like that will definatly drive you to the refidgerator! I know it does me!! Another thing that you both have to realize is after having 3 kids, your body has changed in a way that it probably won't go back to it's pre-pregnancy condition (not without surgery anyway). That's not to say that you can't lose weight, but things have shifted and may not look as they used to. I'm sure you want to lose weight, but you have to do it for yourself, not for him or because of him. And he has to be supportive, not insulting.

I went through some of the same things you are going through. My husband thought I could just eat a salad and run a mile and 30 lbs. would be gone. He seemed to think it would be so easy to do. You and I both know it's not. I did go on a diet and lost almost 20 lbs., but I did it for me, when I was ready, because I wanted to.

Husbands are hard to get through to sometimes. Have you told him how the way he treats you makes you feel? Or that losing weight is a hard (and sometimes slow) battle to fight? Maybe the two of you could talk to someone like a pastor or counselor? You definatly deserve to be treated well, no matter your weight and him treating you badly won't help. It is a medical fact that it is harder to lose weight when depressed than when happy.

I hope all goes well.

Hi there C.,

Dont we wish our husbands would accept us no matter how we look. I mean they have no idea how tough it is to loose the weight after we have babies. He should try having a baby, men would never be able to do what we do.

But unfortunately that is how many men are. Not all but many. I went down to the same size before I had my two boys and it still doesnt seem enough for my husband. I try to put make up on and dress sexy at times, and men just get bored of our look. But when another man looks at me he gets jealous. I think it is rediculous for your husband to make you feel like that, I am a stay at home mom myself and if my husband said those things to me, I would kick his butt out of the house. Noone should make you feel that way especially since you carried his children. if he cheats as I always say you will be glad because that is the type of person you dont want anyway. This advice is coming from a former Miss san diego and miss calif. runner up also a budweiser beer girl. I still pretty much look the same and my husband still isnt happy. I hope you understood that. After as many kids as you have and you are only 30 lbs over the weight that he met you you are doing a pretty damn good job. Our jobs are the most difficult ever and if our husbands dont appreciate it or care so much about what we look like then to hell with him. I dont mean leave him but set him straight, you work your a** off taking care of your family that he should adore you even more.
I can go on and on.

I hope it works out. He shouldnt make you feel bad about yourself. Husbands should bring us up and support us. Make us feel good about us as mothers and loving wives.

Good luck

Wow! Leave it to a man! He doesn't get the fact you have 3 kids. Only if they knew what it was like and what it does to our bodies. I was also 115-120 until I had my daughter. Im now 150. My husband doesn't care though. I have joined Curves for myself though. Not only will it help me lose weight,but also gain energy to deal with a 6 mth old! Your husband should love you regardless and get off your back. You do what makes you happy.

C.,
No matter what he is wrong to feel the way is feels and ACT. If your marraige is based on your looks then you and him needs some real help.. I would think marrage counseling. YOU dont need that. and your kids dont need to see it....

But if you want to loose the weight for YOU try something called hoodie. I am on it right now and I have lost 2 sizes in 2 weeks.. Go to there website and look for the drops you put in your drinks (juice) It has really helped me. I am doing it because I am bigger now then when I was pg. and I am not happy with my self. So I want to make a change. good luck

J.

For me this is a close to home subject. My husband and I have been married almost six years now. I have always struggled with wieght all my life and have always been really thin, untill like yourself had two children, less time, get tired....I mean who wants to go run/jog an hour when you still have to make dinner,bath, feed, get ready for next day? or the guilt for taking that time away.

However weather your wieght is 120 or 200lbs...I believe deep down inside that you should be respected as the mother of his children, his wife, partner and lover. Your self respect and worth in your relationship should NOT be measured by the pound.

I noticed that after having children, that my body has changed and further more the idea of it being perfect or close to that as unrealistic. Also as you get older, your metabolic rate slows down ( I just turn 31 last May).
These are all things you should take into consideration. Add in the fact that your life style may have slowed down , as a stay at home parent....ect

Now take inventory, go get the full length mirror take a look and ask yourself,"Am I happy with the way I look? is my wieght healthy for my body?"
If the answer is yes then, maybe talk to yourhusband when the conversation is not heated and if not think if it is worth being disrespected about..
If the answer is no....think of your eating habbits how have they changed, when was the last time you have been on a scale? do you know how much you wiegh? or what is healthie for your body type and hieght? Chose healthy activeies...like taking kiddos to park or playing scoccer with them. Also try on clothes see what size you are wearing ...set realistic goals.

Got your sneakers on? start walking.

Seriously there are two things I felt that need be addressed here. Wieght and your self respect. You may need to lose wieght or would like to.However, you need a supportive partner as well, for example he could watch the kids while you went walking/running. He could better yet go with you.....buy healthier foods instead of fast food. The key is support and not lowering your feelings of self worth.

I had felt that way last year and put on the pounds. I gained wieght with second kid, quickly took it off and like a boomerang here it is again. I had went on a strict diet and drank Whey. It works but its only a short term solution for good old fashion sweat and eating smaller portions.

Then once a month after wieghing myself noted the hoepflly wieght lose and treating myself to a sunday. Once in awhile a burger or ice cream is ok, it keeps you from craving those kinds of foods....

Anyways bottom line is he should not talk to you that way if is hurtful and negative. It is only breeding low self worth and furthering making you not prevail.....Have a talk with him and the rest is up to you.

I really hope this helps

Not because I agree with your husband, but just to give you another angle at things. As woman we automatically want to attack men and call them pigs and jerks when they make any suggestion that bothers us. However, men are atracted with their eyes first and that is just how they are made. All creation can't be as perfect as woman;)! If you are unhappy with your weight as well and you feel that it would make you feel sexier or healthier to get back down to a closer starting weight, then go for it. And if it makes your husband happier, then that is just a bonus. I know personally I didn't want to stay over weight after my first pregnancy and I intend to loose with this one also. Its hard enough having all the strech marks that will never go away. Atleast I can feel good about how I look and feel in clothes. So good luck with the journey.

p.s. My husband has been on this plan called THE ABS DIET and has lost 40 lbs since November, even through the holiday season! Its more of an eat healthy for life plan more than a diet. He has tried everything, law carb, low fat, pills but he really likes this one and has had amazing results. It is geared towards men but women have sucess with it also. Google it and see if you'd like it. It's worth a shot.

He is in the WRONG. When I got married I weighed 100lbs. After 4 kids I am now at 132 and my heaviest was 144. Sure my husband encouraged weight loss but was never mean spirited or showed any decrease in 'attention' to me. If you think that you need to lose weight then you should start making some changes in eating and excercise habits. I know it is hard to do with kids. There just seems like there is never any time for you. He, on the other hand, should be quiet. If he can't be supportive and loving then he needs to shut his mouth. You need to have a LONG talk with him. He needs to understand that constant put downs and with holding affections only adds to your stress and will to lose weight. I don't know about your husband, but mine isn't the 155 he was when we married. He's up to 203! You do the math, I had the kids and he's still put on more than me. Your husband needs to focus on the issues that he has, like getting an attitude adjustment. If he continues to treat you like less than you deserve I would recommend relationship counseling. It sounds like he doesn't usderstand how to treat people and maybe it would do him some good. I'm not sure that he would treat you better if you lost the weight. To me that sounds like he's blowing smoke. You need to get to the bottom of his real issues. What's he really mad about, or unhappy with in himself???? What in his spirit is unsettled? It might be the first step in healing your relationship to find out. Good luck and God bless.

Hello C.,

Here is what is going through my head. If he's treating you badly due to your gain of weight, then I would have to question if he really, truly loves you. In my opinion no woman deserves that type of treatment. You deserve a man who loves you for you and not because you look "hot". If he's giving you the ultimatum to lose the weight or lose the marriage, as hard as it maybe, lose the marriage. Because he is no good for you any way. But, I do recommend marriage counseling to make sure that there is not something else going on with him other than this excuse of the weight gain. Hope this helps some.

Sounds to me like you have 4 kids, including him. I hate to say it, the way he is treating you would be the same, 30 lbs or not. I am afraid he is just using that as an excuse to get his own way and not have to do the things you need him to do. Weight gain does not end marriages. Selfish men trying to hang on to their youth end marriages. You need to let him know that sexuality has nothing to do with a few pounds either way. My goal weight is 150 lbs, darlin. I know you are beautiful and no one deserves that kind of treatment. Before you focus on losing weight, you need to focus on the horrendous way this man is treating you and fix that first. Lots of hugs heading your way.

Weight has nothing to do with it, it just his excuse and justifcation to treat you the way he does. You the one that has to put your foot down and not let him treat you this way, you teach people how to treat you. If you want to lose weight then do it for yourself not him you will only resent him in the end. I lost 50lbs my life was just the same as before I lost the weight I could just fit in my clothes better. (Read Dr.Phil)

That is horrible for your husband to treat you that way! Now I know your side of things...and I completely understand how you feel. It is hurtful and it makes you feel overwhelmed. Now about your husband...is he the type to use reverse pychology? Meaning is there any reason that he is treating you this way to get you motivated to lose the weight? Some people are like that and I'm not sure if it is true in your case. Regardless what the problem is it just seems like there is a lack of communication. You two need to sit down and has it out. You need to tell him that you will lost the weight little by little (if that's what you plan on doing) but that he needs to be more supportive and not cruel. I hope that everything works out for you.

Wow, the answer to your question is right in front of you! He married a trophy, not a wife! He should love and RESPECT you regardless of your weight. If he really loved you, he would help you rather than demean you as a person! My ex was like that and I lost the weight cuz I wanted to, despite his dum criticism and then left him! He has regret it ever since and I never took him back because I was better off and so was my child! I am now married to a great man who respects the fact that I have given him a gift in our sons and loves and is attracted to me regardles of the fact that I weight about 160 lbs, even though I feel unattractive myself! Woman gain weight when they pop out babies and some lose it, some don't! Who cares, you carried a bowling ball around your waist for almost a year, he should give it a try! I hate guys like this, the ignorance is unbelievable! You produced living human beings and you deserve a LOT of credit! I am now working to lose the weight for myself and no one else and that is the way it should be. I say let his sorry behind go, lose the weight and let him suffer with his ridiculous decision to be a jerk! Good Luck!

If you ask me, he is just using this for an excuse for his behavior. So loose the weight, and if he still treats you like that, leave him, cause you deserve better.
A.

Hi C.,
I must say I agree with what these other moms and wives are saying. No one deserves to be treated like that and he can't blame the weight gain on just you. He is mentally and emotionally abusing you and that could be the reason for the weight. I have gained over 100 lbs since I got married but I have some health issues that hinder my weightloss. But I still try as exhausting as it may be. But my husband still thinks I am the most beautiful person to him. YOu should feel that way to. it doesn't matter if you gain the weight or not. You are still the wonderful person he married. He needs a reality check. I can give you the same exact advise all these other woemn gave you. But I also want you to know that it doesn't matter who he thinks you are or how he treats you. You need to be happy with yourself and ultimately that is all that matters.As long as you are happy with who you are then forget everyone else and don't let him bring you down.
I am praying for you and know God will put his hands on your marriage and your husband.

C. I am so sorry that your husband is treating you like that but what I have to say may be hard to hear. Your weaight is not going to change how he is treating you. He should love you for who you are inside not outside. My husband is always telling me how beautiful I am and how sexy I am and I am at 160 and 5'4'. It's the left overs of 4 kids. I am the one who is unhappy with my weight not him. You need to stand up for your-self. Tell him if he doesn't love you for who you are then he can just leave, but he will never have the kind of love that you provide. He will do one of two things; change his ways or leave. If he leaves then better for you because you deserve better. If he stays then lucky him because you are too good for him and he should kiss the floor you walk on.

C.,
I am sorry to tell you this, but my opinion here is that your weight is not the real issue. Our husbands know us well enough to know which buttons to push. I think he is pushing these buttons (your weight being the reason he has withdrawn from you, etc) because he knows how they will affect you. First of all, they hurt. Second, you admit yourself that physically, you are not the same. These things are not even close to the point, but they work, so he goes with that. I think the core of the issue lies within him. It is his problem, not yours. He is unhappy for some reason (and no, it has nothing to do with your physical appearance honey), and he choses to make you feel like dirt so you'll be as unhappy as he is. There could be several issues that compound here, but men are basically simple creatures. Here are a few of the possibilities: 3 kids take a lot of attention away from him (they are egocentric little creatures, Lord love 'em), he feels stress from having to carry the financial load of the family and feels resentful, he feels unappreciated, he feels disrespected, he feels overwhelmed with the responsibilities he has on his plate, he feels guilty because he's already in an affair or has cheated. These are a few of the reasons I can come up with from the top of my head. I would predict that if you woke up 30 lbs lighter tomorrow, his behavior would be exactly the same as it is today. In other words, even if you did lose the weight, the problem would still be there, only he'd have something else to blame it on (the house is not clean enough, we spend too much money, etc) I would like to offer the following advice: 1) try to determine what is at the REAL root of the problem 2) if you love him dearly, show it - men are physical beings who understand actions better than words. Take pride in your appearance, your home, your children, his shorts, etc 3) decide to be happy in what you are. If you want to lose weight for you - go for it. Set aside time to go to the gym (after the kids are asleep or first thing in the am - don't weigh him down right when he gets home - it'll backfire). Exercise with the kids, plan a stricter meal plan for yourself, go tanning (we all look better when we're not pasty white, am I right? lol!), get a fresh haircut, check out a great book to read, call old friends, get involved with a charity - decide a purpose and passion in your life and live it to the max. Be happy with yourself, love him by showing it, and figure out what's the real problem! Please keep us informed! Thanks for the honest, real life issue. I think most of us have all been here, some just wouldn't admit it! :)A.

How can you humiliate someone you love? So your carrying a few extra pounds. After three kids your body has stretched to accommondate. You may never be back to what you use to be. If he loves you, looks shouldnt matter. Now of course if you weigh 300lbs. that could be an issue. What has changed about him in the last 3 yrs. How much weight has he put on? What new bad habit does he have? We are not perfect. We are moms. Be proud, carry yourself high, walk with your chin pointing to the sky. Because i guarantee you, HE COULD NEVER DO THE JOB YOU DO. If he cant accept you the way you are, too bad. His lose! Tell him to get off your back. And live life to the fullest. You deserve it!!

Wow 30 lbs! I went from 125 to 200 lbs after my fist son was born, granted I dropped to about 155. Honey I bow down to you for only gaining 30! And that's after two kids- sorry to tell you your husband needs to get real- real love has nothing to do with weight size! That really upsets me that he wouold make you feel like less of a person because of his own distorted fantasies of having a live barbie doll at his disposal. What is he going to tell you when you guys grow older- "Honey, your not that young woman I married could you get some work done or find the fountain of youth?" Sometimes men can be impossible-that's why I don't mind being a single mother of 2!!!!

OK...he married you for you..or did he? to me sorry to sound so cruel but that's horseshit. You are right in everyway. Does he still look the same if so maybe it's because he DIDN'T have 2 kids??? Don't feel bad. If you want to lose weight do it for YOU and not for him. I have gained but so has my husband and i love him more now then I did when we first married and he tells me the same thing. I have always been a size 12/14 except when PG but i have gained weigh in my belly area. I have started working out and walking to lose weight for myself and if don't lose at least I know i'm healthy. It's hard to have a workout w/ one kid i can't imagine having 2. I hope this helps. Let me just say your weight doesn't reflect how much or how little your husband loves you and if he feels like that then he doesn't deserve you.

Oh honey, I feel for you. On one hand I understand where your coming from (I am 171 lbs after 2 kids and was 120 when we got married). I'm trying to lose the weight so I feel better but my husband is very supportive no matter what my weight is. I agree that he should love you no matter what and that you are the same person as when you got married. However men are very visual and weight/size is a factor in attraction. I don't know what to tell you. I think if you want to lose the weight it should be for you not him. You also have to take into account what your marriage is like and what is best for you and the kids. If he is a good father and a good husband maybe you should consider gettting in shape. Saying that goes aginst most of my instincts as a woman but you have a family to consider. I'm not saying you should lose the weight for him. Just take a good look at your marriage and your family and decide what is best for you and the kids.

Wow. That does sound cruel. I would love to weigh 120 again! Heck, I'd be over the moon about weighing 150 again! I think you do deserve love and respect whatever you weigh.

C.,
I am sorry that your husband's comments are making you feel miserable.
I think humans in general are very shallow and men a little more :)
I would say go workout and have some fun in the evenings while he takes care of the kids. Do it for yourself and not for anybody else.

Well...if he was truly supportive he would have gained weight right along with you, like mine did!! HAHA (a little humor in a sad situation" I'm not going to bash your hubby or give you my opinion. All I can do is share my experience with you and pray it helps.
I don't know how things are now with you and your hubby. Hopefully better. One of the biggest things i have learned in my marriage, so far, is that we are both changing, and growing(in one way or another)
When my husband hurt his back in a car accident, he fell into a deep depression and put on a lot of weight. He was angry a lot and had no motivation. I felt like he was not the man I married. When I had our child i changed a lot. I put on 60 pounds, was a new mother and not his sexy playmate anymore. It was an adjustment for him. Mainly because i was so insecure and embarrassed about my body. We both has to share with each other about these changes, it wasn't easy. We found that practicing these five things; forgiveness, acceptance, love, tolerance, and understanding; we have made it through both of the trials and are stronger for it.
I am so sorry that your husband is bahaving this way towards you. He may think he is being constructive when it is coming accross as destructive. Maybe you can talk to him about why he is saying what he's saying and help him to find a better way to express his concerns. You have to remain true to yourself, and who you truly are. Nothing is sexier than a woman that is confident and secure with who they are no matter what people say, even the one's we love. All you can do is work on yourself, your inner self. Maybe you could talk to your husband about working out together, if thats what YOU WANT to do. If your happy with your body, then be happy. If you want to change, change. See if, as a family, you can all get more active together and grow together. Set boundaries for yourself and stand up for yourself when he says things about you that are not okay with you. I think as women, we do lose ourselves when we become mothers. It's natural. I hope that you and your husband have talked, I mean really spoken to eachother through LOVE, TOLERANCE, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS, AND ACCEPTANCE. If you start to add positively to the negative energy, he'll either follow and grow with you or stay behind. Either way, you'll be a stronger, happier person for this. Who knows, something may happen to him to cause him to cause his appearance to change dramatically and the tables will be turned. Anything is possible. Remeber, be a victor not a victim. I hope this helps.

C.,

I understand that your body may not be as attractive as it once was and it may never be. Life changes after children. You almost have no time for yourself and the last thing you want to do in those moments is to get up and exercise. And all the negativity he is giving will not help the situation either. He needs to be supportive by using encouraging words and giving you some time to exercise by watching the babies. Your relationship will suffer if he continues to act that way. He is treating you as if its your fault. God knows you didn't want that extra weight. He's at fault for his behavior. Don't let him make you feel as if your the problem because the truth is it happens to so many women after children. It took 9 months to put it on it wont come off in a month or two. I suggest counseling for him so he can learn how not to berate others and if you feel up to it and have the time you need to workout join a gym, exercise at home and make a schedule to get the time you need to put into it. He needs to understand the effects his behavior will have on your relationship if he continues to make you feel like this. It could be devastating to your marriage and your new family.

C.,
When I got married I spoke to a woman who told me that she never wanted to be married because she never wanted to become fat, haggard, and walked all over. But the truth is, a man doesn't do that to you. Women do that to themselves. The bottom line is, you MUST STAND UP TO HIM. You must tell him to shut his mouth when he says ANYTHING that hurts your feelings. He is not being the man, so you must. Some men (not all) are like little boys. If you DEMAND respect like a parent does from a child, then he will respect you. If you let him act like a jerk, he'll act like a jerk. Do not tolerate it. If he calls you fat, look at him like you are utterly APPALLED that he would speak to you that way and say, "Don't you ever call me names. I cannot believe you would speak to me that way!! What is wrong with you?!" He will be so shocked by your temper and being reprimanded that even the most stubborn man will apologize and be mindful never to do it again. This tactic goes for ANY behavior that you will not tolerate.

When I got married I was 120 lbs. Now I am 150 as well, but my husband has never mention my weight gain because I still look the same to him. I think he's nuts, but he doesn't see any change because he loves me for me. I'm not perfect, but neither is my husband.
Your husband has no right to ever talk to you in ANY way that hurts your feelings. Besides, he's not exactly giving you the motivation to lose the weight anyway. If anything he's just making you more depressed and sad which will ultimately make you gain more weight. Don't let anyone ever talk down to you. Take care of you!
-F.

C.,

I read almost all the responses that have been given to you so far. I wish I knew where you were and could reach out and give you a hug!
1) You need to Stop taking ownership of your husband's issues.
2) Throw away the scales in your house. Weight is pointless to dwell on - it's about being healthy and feeling well.
3) Go to counceling. Do it for yourself.
4) You are one half of a marriage - give him his time with the kids and find something (even 15-30 mins) that YOU enjoy.
5) Find your inner glow, babe. We're women and we were created to be beautiful, strong, marvelous creatures!

Once you turn your focus back onto yourself a little and find time to like yourself again, it'll be obvious to everyone around you. Then your husband will either want to be with you or not - but that is HIS ISSUE. When you become a mother, your responsibilities now include being an example for your children to follow. Eight years ago I realized that the example I was setting for my two beautiful daughters was not a good one. I was choosing to let my husband demean and belittle me and I was very unhappy. Now they see someone that is confident, successful and attractive (not because I'm skinny - because I love who I am). It took awhile, but I went to counceling (on my own), went back to school and made time for myself to do things I enjoy. My ex-husband never got over HIS ISSUES, but for the last 3.5 years I've been very happily in love with a man that respects and loves me for the woman I am, not the size of my... jeans ;)

Go get 'em girl! Good luck!!

are you serious?! men they suck (most of the time). as long as you are happy with your weight then who cares what he thinks. if he doesn't like it then oh well. i know easier said than done. no man should disrespect you just because you aren't the size when you first met. he should love you for you (no matter what size your are and let me tell you that 30 pounds is really not that much (if you think about it). do what makes you and only you happy. i would let him know how bad it hurts for him to act like that towards you and if you have to give him an ultimatum. don't let anyone bring you down no matter if it is a friend of your husband...NO ONE DESERVES THAT!!! good luck with everything.

Kelly said it perfect!