T.V.
Dear S.,
You deserve to be an equal partner in your marriage. A stay at home mother and wife has a job 24/7. If I had to ask my husband for money, I would feel controlled, humiliated, sad and angry.
My next comment is not meant to frighten you. You have been with him for many years, so you know more about him then any of us. I’m saying this to get you to start thinking more about your future and the future of your children.
Your husband’s refusal to put your name on the checking account troubles me because it could be an indication of a number of things:
· He wants to be in full control
· He’s hiding something:
o Actual salary amount (Do you sign the taxes—do you know)?
o Spending habits
o Gambeling
o Drugs/alcohol
o Other women
Have you considered working outside your home, making your own money? Could you work at night and let your husband take care of the children? Is he capable of taking care of the children? If you took a day job, do you have a family member or friend that might help you with low cost or no cost childcare for a while until you build up some savings?
If you do work and stay married tell your husband that you want to have a joint account with him and put both your checks into the account. If he is still unwilling to be an equal team, open your own savings account and start putting away as much as you can. He can keep paying the bills as usual.
S., is your husband abusive in other ways? How is he with the children? When you separated in the past, did he leave or did you? What got you back together? If you needed to leave on the spur of the moment would you have someplace safe to go?
Lastly, I don’t think you are crazy. I do think you need to strengthen your backbone and develop a sense of self-esteem.
I’ll be praying for you and your family.