Marriage Advice - Richmond,TX

Updated on April 01, 2008
L.M. asks from Richmond, TX
5 answers

Hello mom,
Hope someone can give me some advice or just a shoulder to confide in. I'm a working mom, mother of 2 beautiful girls (4 and 5 )I've been married for almost 7 years, but boy has it been the most difficult job ever! My husband and I did not start very well. We had a long distance relationship for about 9 months untill we got married. He has an older daughter (now 10). Our marriage was extremely unhealthy. He was very controlling, and insecure. I moved to his hometown when we got married. I had no friends , family, or anything. I went from being a socialite with friends constatly at my house and hanging out with to totally nobody. He was extremely verbal abusive, which made me so bitter.He could not keep a job for more than 6 months. I finally got the courage to leave 2 years ago, but before the divorce was final, he followed me to Houston and I have to admit, he did make A LOT of changes. He is older and wiser now, but I can't seem to let go of the grudge I have towards him. He still questions EVERYTHING I do. I really want this to work for my daughter's sake. I know he's a good man, but very short tempered and mean natured. The story is longer, but I shortened it for e-mail sake. Counceling is totally out of the question, he had agreed to go while we were in the process of getting back together , but as soon as the girls and I were back, he just did not want to hear about it. How do I fall back in love with my husband? We've both talked about leaving agian, but neither one of us really wants to. I love my husband, but seem to have fallen out of love wiht him. I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I talk to him anymore. or do I even have the earge to hear from him during the day. To be honest, I look forward to his late nights at work, just so I can have some alone time. I know the girls and I would be fine without him, but I also want to be fine with him. Please help or just comment if you have any suggetions.

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S.G.

answers from Houston on

It sounds to me as you have already made up your mind. You dont love him and it seems past the point of repair. Even if you and he dont fight, your children are aware of the loveless relationship. Ask yourself this, would you want your girls marrying someone just like their Dad? If the answer is no...then you need to get out of your marriage. You shouldnt let your daughters see it is okay to be with a man who is controling etc... You deserve to be happy and there is hope that one day you will meet Mr Right. What a wonderful gift you can give your children--having them see you with a true life partner...a husband that treats you with respect and loves you unconditionally. Dont let history repeat itself.

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K.L.

answers from Houston on

You can't make yourself love someone. If he is mean and short tempered he does not sound like "a good man". For your sake do not force something that is not there.

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L.D.

answers from Houston on

Run don't walk to the nearest attorney. Why would you want to try and make it work. He is not going to change and will probably become more controlling. Is this how you want your girls to be raised. If you enjoy your life better when he is not around, your instincts are telling you something. Listen to them. And no he is not a good man. He is an abuser.

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J.T.

answers from Houston on

you know what you should have divorced him...controlling, abusive men NEVER change. I am personally dealing with one...I filed for divorce 5 yrs ago and somehow he weasels out out every court date, doesn't pay child support, his intention is to control my life in one way or another if he can't have me. These men are sick and counseling doesn't help, so don't waste your time!

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J.S.

answers from Houston on

I know you warned against this, but I have to say it anyway:

PULL THE COUNSELING CARD. You both are miserable, it sounds like. But there's no reason not to pull the card, regardless.

Require counseling or leave, and don't make it an empty threat. Tell him you want this to work, but you need him to help. To cooperate. To be an active member of the relationship.

I have seen a good counselor turn a marriage I would have doomed into a beautiful relationship full of love and respect. It can happen for you, too.

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