39 year old marriage and spouse has yelled at me to leave and he doesnt need me. All this because i question about check ledger where he claims ive forgotten but he was giving me allowance every month and i never remember him doing this. this went on for 3 years. he doesnt share finances with me just pays all the bills and gets angry if i open his mail. He sleeps in separate bedroom and never wants to have sex.
I don't know you Tulip, but I don't know ANY woman who doesn't deserve a better life than the one you describe.
Here's hopin' that 'Lightbulb' moment comes upon you soon.
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Ok. 39 years married?
You need to get some help. Either way, he has control, you have none. This makes you dependent and vulnerable to being abused. only you know if you are being abused, but it doesn't sound like you're being nurtured and supported....
If you choose to leave or he throws you out you will need help getting on your feet. Better to start working on those shoes now even if he changes his mind and isn't really throwing you out. You need options.
hmmm.. based off your post then I would listen to him and leave.
Good luck!
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An allowance? Nice, if you were a child....your not and your husband is not a very nice/honest man is he? Gather copies of everything you can regarding finances. Find out the divorce laws in your state, especially alimony (after 39 years of marriage). One question, was it ever good and if so how long?
Blessings.....
Get out of there and don't look back!
I would never ever stand for it if my husband talked or treated me like that! I would take your things and go. No one ever deserves to be treated like! When my husband and I got married, it was hard for him to adjust sharing his finances. But this past year, he really let go and I take care pretty much all the bills and balancing the checkbook. But he doesnt care what I buy ( within reason). But If I were you, I would line up somewhere to stay, and If you have children, take your things and move out and work on getting your life on track. I hope this helps through this really tough time for you!
You deserve better than this.
If your spouse won't share things with you - then there is much he is hiding...
You need to ask yourself if you are better off with or without him...if it's without - leave....
You aren't in a marriage...you are a room mate...you deserve better than this.
You sound like my grandparents. At the end they were just waiting for the other person to die. He died first and because they were still married, she got his pension and Social Security. Had they divorced she would have gotten nothing. She had stayed home with the kids for most of her life and would have received very little.
So I guess you know in your heart what the best move is. Just make sure before you ask the question that you want to know what the answer is.
Okay then, it dose sound like it's time for you to go and get a better life.
He 'gives you allowance'...what are you, twelve? You're a grown woman, you don't need an 'allowance' being allotted to you by a husband. He sounds very old fashioned, seriously immature & not to mention a 'control freak' as some call it. I'd definitly get out & find yourself a real man, someone who will love you, take care of you & actually appreciate you & all you do for your home & for him, not to mention, for yourself as well. Why would you want to stay w/someone, especially for 3 yrs, who treats you that way? He doesn't love you, that's obvious...not only in the way he treats you but in the way he behaves. If he tells you he doesn't want you, he's either playing pitty party for himself, trying to make you feel bad you've "let him down" just to get attention or he may really not want to be married. Get out now! You're better off on your own than to be treated w/such inane disrespect!! Good luck!!
Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." You may have been looking at marriage from the wrong perspective. Or you have yourself someone who won't respond. There is a warning at the front of the book so you can decide if it is worth the transformation. Good luck.
Sooo...what's your question? You've been in this for 39 years. How long has it been like this; when did things change? Is there a problem? If so, what is it? What would you like to see different?
There's nothing here that's in itself right or wrong. It just depends on what you expect and what you want and how and what you have communicated. WHAT DO YOU NEED HELP WITH???
Did you mean he is 39 years old? Or you have been married for 39 years.
Either way, it sounds like you deserve better. If he wants you to leave I would leave. It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. A marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. Finances are a huge part of a marriage and in order for it to work you have to be open about everything. You need to believe you deserve better, and move on!
Hope you can figure things out and it all works out for you. Sorry you are going through this tough time!
