Marraige Help

I've been taught not to comment on marital things. That's not something I've done yet myself. I suggest marriage counseling before you leave

I was in the same type of situation with my now 4 year old, I decided that I was not going to let her grow up thinking that men were supposed to treat mommies that way. I knew that if I didn’t break the cycle she would end up in the same type of relationship and I would not be able to live with my self knowing that I could change and leave him because he wasn’t going to change. Look at it this way. Would you want your daughters’ boyfriend to treat her that way? Would you want her to let him treat her that way?
I said no. I was worth more than the 5 letter words I was being called. And I got out. Believe me I had to struggle, with a barely 12 month old. My car almost being repossessed… then getting fired from my job, BUT I WASN’T IN THAT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE!!! I hope this helps… We are out there!!!

The only thing I can tell you is that your daughter should be your main focus and if you want to be in an abusive relationship that's your business, but she doesn't have a choice and should't have to be in that situation. You can't even imagine the type of damage are letting happen to your daughter. As prior law enforcement I saw almost daily women in those type of relationships and they grew up with abusive (verbally OR physically) themselves. You are teaching her how to let people treat her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So if you want you daughter to grow up and marry a man that treats her like your husband treats you then stay with him. If you think she desearves more...get a job and move on!

This may seem harsh or dramatic...but I am sure it's fact!

Only you can make that choice..I would say pray and think about her!

He has "won" if you don't take control back of yourself and do what is best for you and your daughter. You have admitted he is abusive so it is time to end the cycle. You know his pattern because it has been going on for some time. If therapy is not working and you talking to him is not working, it is time to remove yourself and your daughter from this environment. TELL OTHERS close to you what is going on! Do not keep it to yourself because he is counting on that!!! If you are afraid of his reaction, remove your daughter first (she shouldn't witness that anyway)to somewhere safe and then call the authorities and have them go with you to get your things. He is a ticking timebomb and he may be dangerous when he finds out you are not willing to deal with the control game he is playing any longer. Act soon because you are both in danger. I am worried about you too. Let us know what is happening and G. luck.

It doesn't sound like he is willing to change for either of you, because he knows how to get his way. Think of your little girl. She is going to watch this as she grows up and think it is how women are supposed to be treated. She will get into relationships with guys who treat her and her kids the same way. I'm speaking from experience, and I have NEVER met a child with one abusive parent (or both) that has had normal, healthy relationships in their adulthood. I completely understand where you are coming from, but we all want our kids to be better people than we are when they grow up. You just have to take the right steps to make sure she can be that. Please keep us updated, and be strong for your daughter and yourself.

I AM SORRY TO SAY BUT IF HE IS ABUSIVE WHETHER IT IS VERBALLY OR PHYSICAL HE PROBABLY WONT CHANGE. I GREW UP IN THE MILITATRY IN FACT MY DAD WAS STATIONED AT FORT RILEY AS WELL. MY DAD STILL HAS ANGER ISSUES AT TIMES. FROM MY EXPERIENCES HE MAY NEVER STOP ALL I CAN SUGGEST IS TO TALK TO A LAWYER AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO IF YOU ARE WANTING TO LEAVE HIM.

Well I don't know if you and your husband are in church but I know pray can change a lot of people and the bible says that when 2 or more are gathere togther he is their also so I will be praying for you and believing that you are praying to . the problem with the world today is when thing get bad just leave but the bible says it is wrong to get a divorce so I think first pray God protection over you and your daughtee and for your husband to change and if he doesn't then I would think about leaving but try this first I am a child of a broken home anfd my mom will tell you if she could do it over again she would have stayed with my dad.If you need to talk email me at ____@____.com if I have offend you I am sorry. I understand my kids are important to me to and would not want that for them either but I would try prayer first. L.

B.,

You've got to get out of this marriage for yourself and your daughter. Please think of the effect this is having on your daughter and what it will mean when she starts to pick boy and men to date. Abused children sometimes marry abusive men. They don't know how to break the cycle. Also, you husband is manipulating you like crazy. Those tears are there because he gets his way. The words of change are to get you to stay. If he hasn't change yet, he's not going to.

I was in a verbally abusive relationship so I know where you are coming from. It was so hard leaving when he was "sorry" and crying and willing to change. It hurts! I'm not going to lie to you. But I kept thinking of my daughter and that I had to set a G. example for her. She has absolutely blossomed in the past 6 months! That is my reward for leaving. Seeing how better off she is.

I hope this helps. Email me anytime.
R. K

I have been in a few abusive relationships in my life both physical and verbal. Before my husband and I got married we had some problems, his mom always did everything and took care of the kids and dad just dealt with disciplining, so that is how he thought it was supposed to be. Anyways he did not want to help take care of the kids or the housework. I felt like I was a single parent again. We talked about this and he did the same thing but never helped. I know that this is completly different then what you are going through, but one day I left and when I came back home he started helping out with the kids, housework, and even cooked dinner. That has been about 2 years ago and he is still helping. Sometimes it just takes them realizing you aren't going to put up with the way they are, and losing the woman they love and their children can be just what they need to straighten up.

This is not safe for you. I don't know what I would do either though. One thing to consider is there may be something chemical going on with your husband. Has he ever been evaluated to depression or anxiety, sleep disorders or anything like that, bi-polar? A few months ago my husband and I were going through some very difficult things, started counselling and he was prescribed antidepressants. At first it seemed like he needed them and they were helping, but then as our circumstances (that probably caused the depression) cleared away and he was still on the medication, he was horrible!! Really scary. Constantly yelling, he didn't want to come home, was out drinking every night. I threatened to leave so many times. But when we finally figured out that it was the antidepressants messing with his body's chemicals and stopped them things got so much better. So, although your situation isn't the same, you might talk to him about considering seeing a counsellor who could evaluate him for any kind of chemical imbalances. If he truly does want to change and truly does want your family to be well, then he may be willing. In the mean time though, you may need to leave and try to stay with some friends or family. Do you fear for your safety at all? Would he retaliate in any way if you were to leave? Can you find a place that would be safe for you and your daughter? It could just be a temporary thing for him to let him know that you cannot tolerate this any more, and push him to really seek help. You must protect your daughter!

there are alot of programs available to moms and kids in abusive relationships if you decide to leave. you can find job training and a place to stay. i was in an abusive relationship with my first son, and after i left i found someone that makes me happier than i thought i'd ever be. it really annoyed me the only way i'd get the abuser to behave was to threaten leaving. its really no way to live, especially with a kid.

In all honesty I think its time to leave him. If he hasnt changed at all and its been that long, I dont think he's going to. Most important, your daughter is scared of him. She should never be put in that position, G. intentions or not. You need to do whats best for you and your daughter. Keep me posted ____@____.com

Barb im L. i have been married for 7 yrs and been with him for 10 yrs. i was in a simaliar situation and i found out what worked for me was one day i got so tired of the yelling and him putting me down that i just up and left him. He always told me that if i ever left or something happend to me that he would lowe me and miss me but life would go on. He cant say that anymore it was the worst week of his life and he figured out that putting me down was not the way to do things and now he has gotten better he has even stopped blaming my 10 yr old son for eveything and even treats him like his own son. i wish u all the best of luck and i hope eveything works out for u and ur daughter.