Marine Comming Home at Christmas

Hi J. O,
I do not know the whole situation however it sounds very familiar to me. I have a mother in law that is not very welcoming herself!!!! I am 34 years old married and have two little ones at home, therefore what I am eluding to is that time and grandchildren still have not helped my situation:( My husband has finally went to bat for me and sticks up for me if she decides to be fistey..... I think the best advice without knowing the situation would be to have the kids stick together; if her boyfriend really wants her to go then have him insist that she comes along and if his mom disagrees then he can do something else with your daughter and give mom a little tough love!! Hopefully they can just explain how being together is important to them and that they would really love to take the trip together with the family:)

I hope this can help somewhat.......
C. A

I understand what your saying about how can people be so rude. I had a wonderful mother n law when I was married the first time and now I have 2 children and my boyfriend has none. Well I cant have anymore and his Mom is resentful of me and has tried to tear us apart and I dont know why because I have tried so hard. I would tell your daughter that dont let anyone stand in the way of there love and my god she hasnt seen him in 14 months so they should be able to spend a lot of time together. And its very important that the boy tells his Mom how important that is to him and there is no reason why the time cant be split up or even better brought together for the sake of him. My brother is leaving for Iraq on September 11, and I know how hard it is on the family so maybe just give the Mom a little time to adjust also. Im the sister but, our Mom died 5 years ago and so its a different role but, this is the last weekend I will see my brother for a year and half and I have told him split up your time however you want because its your last free weekend. I hope this helped somewhat. Take care.

~J.

How long has your daughter been dating this guy? Maybe the mom just wants it to be family to go on the trip. Also with your daughter only being 17 (still a minor), his mother might think it is just "puppy love" and not think about it. If they are only going to be gone a week, your daughter will still have another week to spend with him. I know young love is great, but family usually comes first. Sorry if that isn't want you wanted to hear.....but I agree with his mom. If it was my son coming home I would want the first week to just be with family again.

I too oncw dated a Marine and we were engaged before he left for boot camp. His Mother and I got along great then and while he was gone BUT as soon as he got home is was a battle to see who could spend the most time with him.

I was left out at dinner while inthe house ect.

Unfortunately in the end she won.

My advice to your daughter...if she really loves this guy....hang in there stay tough and stand by your man is all she can do. You will never win a battle against the Mom.. lol

On the other side..if he really wants her to go with he should speak up. What better way for her to get to know your daughter than to go on the trip with them. Then they both get to spend time with him. Your daughter has obviously proven her loyalty to him by waiting 14 months to see him.

Good luck....and by the way I too get along great with my Mother-In-Law...who knew!! lol

Hi J.,

I feel for your daughter! I know this is the situation with many moms and their sons though. From my own personal experience, I once had dated a man that joined the NAVY and when he did come home for leave, his mother wanted a lot of his attention and so did I. It is a delicate balance. We have to look at it from both sides, I do understand now being a mom myself how hard it must be for some moms, especially with the current situation with the war and such.

I do hope that they are able to spend some time with each other. Some other concerns for his mom might be that she's worried that he might get your daughter pregnant and she might be trying to prevent that or just prevent the relationship all together. She also might feel that he shouldn't be involved with anyone right now, seeing how he will be enbarking on a new career in the Marines and how she doesn't want him to be focused on a girlfriend. I don't know his schedule and how often he will be visiting his girlfriend and family but long distance relationships are very difficult.

From a more personal experience, my 23 year old brother just moved out yesterday with his girlfriend and my mom was very upset. She doesn't like his girlfriend and refused to see any good in her - I feel that she just doesn't want to let go of him and feels betrayed by him and that it's his girlfriends fault. So tell your daughter, at this point in my life and what I have experienced, that it probably doesn't matter who he is dating that his mom will most likely treat another girl the same way.

have you tried talking to his mom yourself, i would try that and tell your daughter that she will get to see him but he has to see his family also

This may not be what you want to hear but I have to agree with one of the other women that responded - if it was my son (and I have 2 of them) coming home from the Marines I would want just family time for the majority of the time he was home. Being 17 is a tough age. Maybe his mom isn't trying to be mean or hurtful, she just wants as much time as possible with her son and kind of feeling selfish about her time with him. I have to admit I would probably be the same way. Obviously I don't know the whole situation, but best of luck. It is really good to see though that you are trying to do the best thing for your daughter and trying to make her feel better!

I am engaged to a Mama's Boy. I felt that his mother did not like me as well, and there has been alot of events that have happen where people get thier feelings hurt. Personally, I have tried to be very polite to her and engage in conversation where we get to know each other better. I think Mom's have a hard time letting go and not being number 1 in thier child's eyes any longer. I think your daughter needs to understand that it is not that his mother doesn't like her personally, I think her boyfriend's mother has issues she needs to work out. Patience, and I am sure your daughter will win her over with time.
Hope that helps!