Manners - Indianapolis,IN

First of all, we have a 2 1/2 year old and 9 month old and aren't there yet, but we've talked about it a lot.

We use first names for adults that are friends and a Mrs/Mr, etc for acquaintances or elderly people.

I think please and thank you are so important, as are acknowledging people with a smile and a hello and goodbye. My son is already learning early on that a lot of people just aren't polite or nice. He will say hi to people he passes in a doorway and they ignore him. I say things like, "I like how you said 'hello', but not everyone is as nice as you are (or polite, etc).

We do lots of things by example at this age: letting people go through a doorway first, asking for things instead of demanding them. Using polite words that make people want to help us.

I personally don't believe in sir or ma'am, but we are in Southern California and you just don't hear that! :) Unless someone is in the military or southern!

I do think lots of times people are busy with their lives and so aren't polite, but I think a lot of people just aren't polite.

I'm not Miss Manners, but I do think manners go a long way in helping create a civilized society, so I am right there with you!

Many people may feel that's being to old fashion. If you've noticed people do not stand an allow someone to have their seat if handicapped. Or even open a door for someone n a wheel chair let alone another person. I am using a cane now and find that true many places where I go. I always thank a person who does do this for someone even if that person is not me. I think part of the reason people aren't kind to others anymore is if you don't say thank you then they would rather not bother. They expect to be thanked. Which is also wrong. I do many kindnesses for strangers and never expect a thank you. I just ask them to pass it on when seeing someone in need.

I think that there are generation or two of kids who were raised by by mothers who worked, either out of necessity (single parent or family needs two incomes) or because they wanted to, and those kids are now parents. Those kids may not have had a lot of time spent with their parents and when the family was together, the parents really didn't put too much emphasis on manner and such because they are too tired or it's just not a top priority. And so, now you have these kids who were not taught manners having kids who are not being taught manners. It's a snowball effect.

I do teach my children manners because I do think it is important and it does bug me when I do see a parent automatically giving a child something because the child is being grabby or demanding, without at least trying to correct the behavior and teach the child manners. All I can think about is that that child is going to be an adult someday who thinks that its okay to be grabby and demand. Ugh!

ADDED: My post is not intended to judge all working moms because I know there are moms out there who do work and do make an effort to teach their kids manners and values. I am not trying to make this a hot issue. If you are a working mom and this doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't apply to you. But, if you think back to your childhood during the 70's, 80's or 90's and you knew kids who's parents were busy working, then you probably saw a lot of them that may not have received a lot of guidance in the manners department because their parents were tired and there wasn't a lot of time at the end of the day. Please don't take what I have written as a blanket statment but just as a general observation of a trend that had gone on during the previous two generations. That's all.

I think manners are a dying art.

Keep it up, you're doing great.

I grew up learning these manners, and I encourage them in my children. If they forget, I remind them, I don't really beat it over their heads. They are 18mos and 4yrs. My youngest in his way says thank you without me even telling him, but that is because we practice what we preach. So even when I need my son to do something I say "Please, and thank you and no sir to him". It has just become the norm for us and I think out of common courtesy for each other, it should be practiced. I also know there are others who won't have the training or upbringing like me, so I don't look down on them per se, I empathize.

PS - And to Laurie D, I wouldn't be too quick to judge working mothers because I am a working mother who teach manners to my kids. It has to do with personal values not whether you work or not

We are very strict as well. I was not raised 'yes ma'am, no sir, please, thank you', but my kids certainly are! There is not enough of this going around! We can not fault people for how they were raised, or how they are raising their own children, but if you're under my roof or under my care, you bet your sweet butt that you're not getting anywhere without using good manners and being polite. I also teach by example, which was the hardest part for me, since I wasn't raised that way. I can't expect my children to be polite if I'm not doing the same thing myself. I get compliments all the time on how well mannered and well behaved my children are... and that makes all the hard work pay off! Stick with it and GOOD FOR YOU!! :)

I'm on your team, sister!! I remind abbie that she should not even consider having boyfriends who don't exhibit good manners, treat others with respect, etc. If they don't do it to others, why should she expect to be treated with kindness and respect?

She's 8. When she talks about her friends and someone she wants to marry, she talks about him loving god, respecting and treating his family and others with kindness and respect, etc. Can't drill it home enough! Too many ill mannered, disrespectful adults and kids out there.

Adults and kids need to learn what respect means.

I teach young children and think you are an awesome Mom and Dad for teaching good manners to your children. I think many parents in general have gotten away from teaching good manners, respect of others and good character and values . Adults have gotten away from using these things themselves in public an it is so sad. I agree with teaching "please, thank you and excuse me" in addition to respecting adults and not interupting etc. It is one of the reasons we see all the rudeness and ungratefulness in today's society and that the value of life has diminished. I think one of the reason these things things are not being taught is laziness and parents not valuing manners as much themselves. Few parents now a days are teaching core values and good morals which is why our society is having so many problems now with crime and violence. Parents have also gotten away from taking their children to church which reinfoces these things and I think society is suffering as a result. Our world today seems to value million dollar salaried Hollywood Stars, rock stars and famous sports figures instead. I think this trend will harm our futures and the futures of our children. To be around a child who has been taught good manners and character education is so refreshing because it is not the norm. I applaud you for taking the time to teach manners. Thanks Mom and Dad

Manners I think are important. Our kids are 10 1/2yrs, 6 1/2yrs and 4 yrs. Two boys and one girl. They say thank you for having me. That is required by me. I am trying to teach my boys to hold the door open for women. They remember most of the time.
How important is it to you? To me very important. I don't go over board but I want my kids to be respectful to others and to talk kindly and remember to say thank you.

i think manners are very important, it sets the stage for how people treat each other, a general respect for others which is so lacking these days. i teach them to my kids as much as possible, i think its more important for my kids to see me use manners and to see me notice and appreciate when other people do. look for teachable moments in your every day life, small comments, "oh he has such nice manners" "what a nice kid"..etc... also, remember that at your childrens age, they are very egocentric, its just that stage in their development. so showing your kids that having good manners can help them get what they want may not seem like the appropriate thing, but it is effective... and true. its funny, just before i sat down and read this i told my daughter about how i was on a long line at the grocery store with a huge cart and didnt notice that the cashier was closed. when i got up there, the exhausted cashier told me she was closed and i would have to go to a different line. i simply looked at her and said "please" and she sighed and let me come up. and the first thing i thought of when that happened was that i couldnt believe none of my kids were there to see it. but i did make sure to tell them about it.

We always use please, thank you, excuse me, may I etc... My son also holds doors and allows ladies to go first. We do require Miss so and so or Mr. so and so with first names at this point. As he gets older I'll require Ms./Mr. last name if he knows it. I personally don't like Sir or Ma'am but just because I was in the Navy and in the military you only refer to commissioned officers as Sir or Ma'am, everyone else is referred to by their actual rank (which people get touchy about, so it's important not to forget this). In fact, new recruits often get the "Don't call me Sir! I work for a living!" speech from Chiefs and other non-commissioned khakis. It's a military culture thing I guess, but that's why I don't require my kids to say sir or ma'am.

But anyways, I also do know what you're talking about. I always say please and thank you to waitresses, the McDonald's people etc.... and I always get quite a response. Their faces light up and they get very friendly. I feel so bad when this happens because it makes me think that most people just bark orders at them and treat them like they are a disposable accessory of the restaurant in question and that's wrong. We also make sure to tip well and always write a little note about how great the service was on the merchant copy of the receipt.

It's important that we model the very behavior that we require of our children or we undermine all of our teachings and instead only teach them that hipocrisy is okay.

We are teaching our 2 year old please and thank you. He is pretty good with unprompted pleases but only has had a few unprompted thank yous! Before we leave anywhere (nana's house, restaurant, play date) he says thank you (prompted by me at this point). We are working on excuse me. He says it if something is in his way (funny...he says it to his car as he pushes it), but hasn't said it for burps/toots yet...he isn't a really gassy kid so there haven't been too many teachable moments there. He'll say sorry too.

We don't/won't do the "sir" "ma'am" thing. I am from up north, and we just don't do that here.

We haven't really introduced him to anyone who would be a Mr/Mrs yet. I won't require him to call my friends by Mr/Mrs last name...but for people who aren't close friends we will do that.

I have done what you have done and am always constantly surprised at how many people lack manners. I don't want my kids to be like that or myself. I get compliments all the time about my kids.

Thank you for pointing this out. I do the same as you with my children. One other thing I just started implementing that my 6 yr old son walk on the right side of girls/ladies when we walk around small towns.

I hope that pointing this out will give a wake up call to parents that this is something that needs to be brought back into our society. And it's never to late. And lead by example parents.

Laurie~I don't agree that this is about working or SAHM moms. I was a single working mom & implemented manners to my daughter no matter how tired I was, I was a parent first. No one should ever make excuses for not teaching their kids manners.

I think that you are on the right track and that your children will turely win friends and influence people with good manners. You are so right that manners have been neglected for a long time but it also goes hand in hand with respect. Good manners are a form of respect and for almost a generation now respect for any one has been ignored. I say "good for you"

Our kids are 5 and 3, and we have similar manner values as those that you stated. It's really sad when we go to a friend's house and hear their child whine at their parent, "I want some juice NOW!" and the parent gets it for them, without correction -- that really burns me!

I LIKE YOU!!!! I swear people now days fail to see that manners never go out of style. I am also trainging my children the same way you are. so keep up the good work!

We always use Please, thank you, thank you for inviting us over, open doors for men and women. We also let people go first in line if we have more groceries than they do. We let older, pregnant women have our seats. My sons have always given theirs seat up to a women. As far as adults, my kids call my friends by their first name. I like to be called by my first name also. I do have children who call me Miss D. and its cute. I use last names for teachers, older folks and when its called for. My kids shake hands. I also make sure they are polite to anyone who serves them.

I really do not understand why anyone would be rude to a person handling their food!!!