Managing Expectations

The simple fact that you're concerned about being a good mom speaks volumes about how great of a mother you are already.

If you make a concerted effort every day to not become your own mother, you're already leaps and bounds ahead.

Personally, I prefer to stick with my instincts regarding my kids and how we rear them vs. books from "experts". If it were easy to raise a child according to a book, we wouldn't have as many different approaches and philosophies as we do and as many kids that get off the right track.

So, trust yourself, admit when you make mistakes.
Remember that education comes in many different forms. Our kids are almost 4 and recently 2. We stress education, but we try to have fun. Going to the library to get books has become a treat, and we give them liberty in what they select. We read, we talk about colors, we ask what animals do, we talk about minute details in movies, we talk about manners.

Last night, we told our son that we'd gotten invitations for his birthday party, but we asked his friends not to bring presents this year (he really doesn't need anything, and not everyone can afford to). We told him that the greatest gift someone can give you is friendship. He nodded and said yes. He'll have a great time being the center of attention, and I honestly don't think he'll notice that there aren't gifts except those we give him.

My only other advice is to remember every day that our job as parents is to make our kids into independent, productive members of society. Don't forget to tell him how much you love him every day and how thankful you are for him to be in your life. Do what's right instead of doing things based upon what other people may think of you. And, realize that you WILL make mistakes. We all do because we're all really learning to be parents, too.

Good luck.

I agree with the previous post. You are not lazy, you have a lot on your plate. My daughter, also 3, is sleeps from 10pm-10am, or something like that. And I love having the morning time to sleep in or catch up on things. When she's awake, I can't and don't expect to get anything done. I don't change her schedule because that's the only way she is able to spend time with her dad who comes home late from work.
Sometimes, in the morning, I spend time just looking at her sleep because she's never going to be that way again. I used to feel like I'm wasting time but you know, I worked a lot when I first got married, weekends, evenings and everything and I regret working so much because I didn't take the time to develop a closer relationship with my husabnd. So now, finances are tight but so what, I don't have things and go on vacations like my friends do but I treasure everyday with my daughter.
At 3, yes, I try to teach her things but toddler need to develop their creativity and imagination too with free play. Every play activity is beneficial.
You may not think you are contributing much to the income but a study somewhere said that a stay at home mom provides about $120,000 worth of services to a family a year. So if you were paid to do what you do, that should be your salary. You are definitely not being lazy or doing nothing. Just making sure a 3 yr old doesn't drown in the bath tub or fall down the stairs, gets dressed and fed, cleaned and hugged, is a very important job that you can't put a price on.
You had a difficult childhood but don't let the past make you feel guilty about your choices now. You are making good choices, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them when you do and move on. You need your rest as a mom, take it as it comes.
Lots of mom talk about how their kids can do all these wonderful things and it seems like supermoms are glorified all the time. But these people have tons of help. Some of us just have to deal with things one at a time.
Take care. xxoo.

I liked your post bc I struggle with not doing enough also. I think it's something you'll always struggle with if you're not a mom "who has it all figured out." I want my kids to be kids, play and have fun. Not always having to learn learn learn. But there are a lot of people more focused on getting their child to read really early etc. It's hard but I think you have to do your best to pick an approach and stick with it and not compare too much. Your son is in preschool 3 days so is learning there. My mom NEVER played with me (she feels guilty now but times were different) and not to be obnxious but I did very well in school, have a valuable advance degree etc. So I take the approach that my generation grew up fine and lots of studies say free play is very important. I do in my job see a lot of graduations from Ivy League schools with unbelievable resumes get a job with us and then not do so well I think partly bc they're just burned out. As the previous post said, just thinking about this means you're a great mom so you're not lazy and don't beat yourself up. As the poster says "life is a journey, not a destination" so I try to remind myself it's not all a competition and my goal is my children are happy and healthy and enjoy life. Too many stories in my area about kids committing suicide from the top HS's bc of all the pressure... Your son is lucky to have you as you are - thoughtful and caring. That's priceless.

I agree with the others, the fact that you are concerned is a major flag that you are a good mother!! I doubt that you are lazy, life just gets overwhelming. I too had a pretty uninvolved mom and have had to learn a lot of things the hard way. One thing that has helped me is flylady.net. Check it out for a lot of great advice on home management and ultimately about feeling better about yourself! Good luck!