Hi,
I'm wondering if I should make my 7 year old daughter clean her room. She's a compliant kid, very mature for her age (only child), and I have taught her a sense of family belonging in that she pitches in with household chores--inside and out. I give her an allowance to teach her money management, but I don't tie her allowance into her chores. She knows she has to help simply because she's part of the family. The only thing I've been doing with her room, is saying that she can't have playmates over unless her room is clean. When she's okay with no friends over, she leaves her room a mess. I was just wondering if I should get more strict on her personal space. Outside of her room, she's neat, organized and helpful. What do you guys think?
Thank you everyone for your advice! I really like the daily schedule with a 10 minute timer for room cleaning. (She's so compliant, I thought, "Why not?") It has kept her room from turning into the disaster zone she's use to working with, and she loves that her room is so quick and easy to clean now. She sees the advantage, and I thank all of you smart moms who helped me with this decision. Advice for you all: do something nice for yourself today--we moms deserve it. :)
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A.V.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I think she is old enough to clean her room. If you are thinking of having her do this, here is a neat tool that may help with not only her room but introducing other responsibilities around the house.
I've never personally used it, but have heard a lot of good things about it.
Go for it! Everyone should learn (in my opinion) to maintain a clean and tidy personal living space. It creates a feeling of self worth and discipline. If you feel that she can do it without argument and is responsible enough, which it sounds like she is, then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck!
--S.
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A.M.
answers from
St. Louis
on
Hi A.!
I second A. V's suggestion... I actually DO use www.housefairy.org and my children LOVE it! I love it too, because I don't nag AT ALL, and they actually WANT to clean their rooms!! Go check it out... it's been life-changing for us! :-)
Good luck!
A. M
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S.P.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I make my four year old clean her room. It's her mess not mine so why should it be my responsibility as I clean everything else in the house. I help her with the room cleaning when it gets out of control but she is responsible on a minimum weekly basis whether friends are coming or not. My hope is by the time she is 7 she will be able to clean and keep it clean. In other words I think it is perfectly acceptable that a 7 yr old, especially one that is tidy everywhere else to keep her room at at least a level for company to come everyday. (not perfection mind you, just tidy.)
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E.F.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I have this EXACT problem with my 7, soon to be 8, year old daughter!!! It's very frustrating! What I have noticed is that when her friends come over, the room gets completely trashed and then doesn't get picked up as well as when the friend arrived. They try though. Also, it was important for me to realize that she will have her own way of "cleaning" the room. It doesn't have to be to my expectations-it is her personal space. I can be very picky, so as long as she begins to try to clean up, I will go in and help. This is a great time for us to talk and go through clothes that don't fit, toys that aren't wanted, etc. One thing that does help... set a timer for 10 minutes-it's amazing how much she can pick up in this amount of time! Good luck, I can't wait to read more ideas about this.
About me=have two children girl-7yrs. and boy-2yrs., work full time, graduate student, married almost 10 years to a wonderful man I have known for 30 of my 33yrs!
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K.G.
answers from
Springfield
on
I did that when I was her age and my parents promised to throw everthing away that wasn't put up. I thought they were just bluffing at first but they weren't. After they threw my stuff away, I never had a messy room again. Just a thought. I don't know if it will work with your girl but it did with me and I remember it to this day!
-K.
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J.H.
answers from
Columbia
on
My son has also been raised to help out with the chores because he is part of the family. We tried allowance for awhile, but we had it tied to chores. We quickly discovered the downfall in that. We only started allowance to teach him money management. He is currently not receiving allowance and doesn't even care. He does more now then he did then! He feels good just knowing that he's helping mom and dad. Anyway, we found that there needed to be some organization in his after school schedule, so we made an outline of his daily schedule on a dry erase board in his room. It's only for the first two hours he's home. It has helped tremendously in the clean room area. There's time blocked out for "Daily News" where he tells me about his day. Then each day he is given 15 minutes from 4:15-4:30 to make sure his room is clean. He knows that includes putting up clean clothes, putting any dirty clothes in the hamper, tidying up, etc. I absolutely think 7 year olds should and learn from helping around the house and keeping their room clean. I believe that he is more responsible for it and will be a tidier adult b/c of it. The 15 minutes a day is a short amount of time that makes keeping his room clean easy. By checking his room every day the job of keeping his room clean isn't daunting which makes him not dread it. He loves the structure of the schedule. He runs to the board when he's done with one thing to see what to do next. It has really helped us here b/c there is specific time slots set aside for talking, cleaning, play and homework. I can't say enough about what a difference a simple little schedule has made. The schedule also keeps me on task-we talk, he cleans, he plays and then does his homework. I realize that it's their space, but I believe it's our job to teach them the importance and habit of keeping things clean, so that they'll continue to adulthood. I'm sorry I wrote a novel! I hope my idea came across! Kudos to you for raising her to help around the house.
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K.S.
answers from
Springfield
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My son is 7 and at our house he has family chore of emptying the dishwasher, and his "personal responsibility" is to clean his room. At our house Sunday is our cleaning day. He doesn't have to pick up his room during the week, but on Sunday he has to clean his room entirely. He whined every Sunday for about 6 months, but now he cleans up after himself throughout the week and by Sunday he just has a few things to do. When he asked us WHY he has to clean his room every Sunday I explained to him that it is his personal responsibility to pick up after himself and those his room is HIS room, it is still a part of OUR house.
Good luck!
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J.S.
answers from
Kansas City
on
Hello Angie!
I have an 8 year old boy and I had the same problem! I found a programm on line that is awsome! It's called "easy child" and you just set it up on your comp. and it does almost everything for you. It gives you a chore chart to print out and it teaches you all the allowance "stuff" to it!!!!! One thing is ,they get paid a little for everything they do (like 10 cent or so-but it adds up. payday is once a week)
You can look at it at easychild.com (amazon has it cheaper though).
Hope this helps!! I love it!
J.
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A.H.
answers from
St. Louis
on
We most certainly make our own 7 year old daughter keep her room clean! Seven years old is a perfect age to have them do a variety of chores actually. Our daughter is in charge of feeding the dogs. cleaning her room and her bathroom (no toilets of course) and must take the trash to the trash can. She also helps me put away her laundry. Not only does it teach her responsibility, it gives her a sense of accomplishment and makes her feel like a big girl. We use the time folding laundry to chat and share and use it as a learning experience for both of us! I actually enjoy doing the laundry now because I look forward to the one-on-one time with my daughter! A bonus that I never expected!
A.
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A.S.
answers from
Kansas City
on
I think it's a good idea for her to clean her room. She helps every where else, so why not her room? It will teach her to respect and value not only her personal space but also all her belongings. I think it will make her feel better about herself if she has a nice clean room that's all hers.
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R.R.
answers from
Topeka
on
Yes, she needs to know that if she does not clean her room there will be no allowance at the end of the week, or no house guests, or priviliges. You have to make it clear to her what you want from her and the rest will be up to her.
I was a single parent and never got my daughters dad to agree with me on anything, but here is what I did with my daughter. I would deduct money out of her allowance for each task she did not complete at the end of the week. This worked very well. When you start taking her allowance away maybe, just maybe, she will realize that if she does not clean her room (along with her other chores)she will have no allowance or priviliges.
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S.H.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I see nothing wrong with asking her to keep her room clean. It doesn't have to be spotless at all times. But keeping the bed made, dirty clothes picked up, no dirty dishes in the room, etc is a good idea.
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C.S.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I think you're handling everything wonderfully! Telling her she can't have friends over if her room's a mess is, I think, the way to go. It would become a battle, perhaps, to keep insisting if she's okay with no friends over. Should a big event arise -- major extended family coming over -- I'd explain well in advance that she'll need her room super clean by such-and-such a date and time, and then set up consequences IF that doesn't happen. Otherwise, I'd let her keep her personal space the way she wants it and avoid power struggles. I haven't been that wise and ended up with major power struggles on my hands by insisting my 10-year-old (a defiant child) keep her room clean. And why??? It's only caused the whole household nothing but grief, and I'm losing the war. So, please don't turn it into a war the way I did.
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J.C.
answers from
Kansas City
on
By all means, she should be responsible for a clean room. But make sure it is not overwhelming for her. Simply saying "clean your room" isn't enough. You need to either make a list for her or specifically state what you expect. For example, put toys away, books need to be on shelf, make bed, or put clothing in drawers. Breaking it down into manageable "tasks" will make it a whole lot easier for her. I have older daughters and having a list has helped alot(even since they were younger). I set saturday aside for the day to tidy their rooms. They can keep it how they want during the week(and I don't nag-this takes much self control on my part) BUT they know that one
day a week, they need to clean.
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K.D.
answers from
Columbia
on
With my boys, 6 & 10, I treat their room as their personal space...with a few requirements. 1) They are required to make their beds every morning, 2) The path way on the floor from their bed to the door must be clear for safety reasons (think middle of the night trips to the bathroom), 3) They need to do a "10 minute clean up" every weekend. We set the timer for 10 minutes and they spend the time cleaning up as much as they can before the timer goes off. Sometimes I will ask them what they hope to get clean in that time. Sometimes not. This seems to work well with both my "neat freak" kid and my packrat/disorganized child. Hope this helps!
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L.K.
answers from
Springfield
on
I think it is good to have young children keep their rooms at least somewhat clean. As they get older and closer to the teenager years you might get more relaxed, but there still needs to be standards.
This is what I do with my four year old son...
I still help him pick up his toys and if he doesn't want to help I grab a trash bag and say all the toys I pick up are going out in the garage. That means they are being taken away until he earns them back. I have only had to take toys away a few times. (It is even kind of nice to be able to have him earning his toys back because it motivates him to do what I say.)
I also think this helps teach him to not assume he has a given right to have toys, but they are a privilege and it is his responsibility to take care of them. That is how the real world works. If you don't take care of you car, it breaks and you don't have a car to drive. Or, if you don't park it where you should, it might get toed.
Good luck.
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S.G.
answers from
Springfield
on
I think it is a good idea to have her keep her room clean regardless of whether she's having a friend over! Our son is 6, and he does a pretty good job. We use a chore list..tied to buying a new book to read each week.(his current motivator..which will change I am sure!) He has to water and feed the dogs, put his dirty clothes in the hamper, make his bed each day (hit and miss!) etc. He watched an episode of the BBC's show "How clean is your house" and he was appauled at the dirt and clutter! He said "Boy, am I glad our house isn't like that!" Me, too. I guess I enjoy helping others de-clutter and clean because at his age I remember tossing my Lite-Brite in the bottom of my closet, after being told to clean my room! All I know is that I ended up vacuuming most of the pegs up with the ElectroLux the next week!(Evidently my Mom didn't follow thru with the checking part!:)) Thank Goodness our son isn't lazy like his Momma was! Good thing I changed my tune,or else I'd be on one of those shows! Instead of helping others with their homes!LOL Good Luck and have fun with your daughter!