Hi I have a 2 year old daughter (will be 3 in a few weeks) that doesnt like to sleep. She rarely naps during the day and at night we are lucky if we can get her into bed by 9:30-10:00. We do put her to bed earlier but it is a constant battle of putting her back to bed for 1-2 hours before she finally falls asleep. She will only sleep for a couple of hours and then she is up wanted me or my husband. If we are already in bed she will crawl into bed with us. If I wake up and she is there I will get up and bring her to her own bed but this happens sometimes 2-3 times a night. I have mentioned this to her doctor and the only thing she told me was to drug her up before bed cause she needs to sleep. I am not to keen on just drugging my child up for no reason. Something has to be causing this. It is getting to the point that both my husband and I are getting really frusterated and wore out cause we are not sleeping either. Does anyone have any advice on this? We have two older sons that were never like this. Thanks
Just a quick note on the gate thing. We tried that with our daughter and she kept crying and crying and she was poopy. At one point I let her cry until she fell asleep and I checked on her and she was crying because she was poopy. Just watch for that too if you do use the gate.
J.,
I'm actually very suprised your doctor said to 'drug' your child. I would not recommend 'drugging' your 2.5 year old, EVER. In fact, I would look for a different, 'doctor' all together.
Sounds like you're exausted. I'm so sorry to hear about your lack of sleep, and to tell the truth- when you're dealing with kids all day anyway, I can't imagine how you're doing it! You need sleep, and pronto!
Have you tried putting a gate outside her door? If your daughter is a little problem solver, or climber, make sure you remove any other items she could push near the gate to climb over. She might sit by the gate and wail- but.. at least you'd know she's somewhat safe. If you're trying this option, make sure to 'tantrum' proof- her room. Meaning: take everything breakable away for a while- make sure there are no crayons, or sharp objects she could harm the walls, or herself with, and be prepared. She may through every, single thing out of her drawer and outside the gate. Toddlers do these things.
I've heard this said before, (and I think I heard it on MamaSource- but- you could give your child one 'coupon' a night.) You can laminate a piece of paper that says, "Get out of bed free once" and tell her she can use it to give mommy and daddy a hug, or trade it for some water, or a bedtime story. Then? When it's used- it's up. (Her age might be too young for this- but worth a try.)
Some people I nanny for, (I think the mom is a genuis,) they used old carnival tickets for everything from the kids cleaning their room correctly, to eating their whole dinner. You could develope a system for all the kids. When a certain amount is established, (ie: 10 tickets) they can 'trade' them in for special mommy or daddy time- just them. It'll be a great thing to bring you together. To store the tickets, write the child's name in permanant marker on a CLEAR ziplock bag. That way they can be encouraged by how many tickets they have. If they have a rough night? You may have to take away a ticket. (If you're constantly taking away, and not adding any- it may not work.) Worth a try.
If the gate thing isn't proving to be successful, you could try to gently ferber-izing her. (I did it with my child.) My almost 16 month old screamed her way through the night until I went in and held her. I would go in, without saying a word- give her a kiss, and put her back to sleep- tucking her in. The next time I would just go in and tuck her in. The next time I would go in- give a stern, "Ava! You will go Night-Night!" And walked away. It was HELL for the first week. Then? She started to realize she was safe in her room, (or she just was plain exausted.) Now she wakes up once, and I go in- soothe her, and put her back down. Some nights she sleeps. (Yayy!) I wasn't a big fan of the true Ferber method, (although sometimes you do have to let them work it out and cry,) because I felt like a pansy when it came to my daughter's tears. If it works for you- then you do it! You definetly know whats best for your child.
When you're putting her back in her own bed, don't play, or talk after the first time. Keep it as business-like as possible. She'll figure out it's no fun going back to her own room, and now being cut off from your bed might make her see how comfortable her own bed is, (or not.)
You could also try putting the crib back up. (Unless she's a climber.) Drop the setting down to the lowest- leave her with a blanket and one stuffed animal, (she can pick out,) that way there's nothing to climb on top of to get out. When she is a good girl- (decide the guidelines before hand and make sure she understands when she is a good girl- she gets to sleep in her Toddler bed the next night. You could make a game out of being a 'big girl in a big bed!' When she's naughty, or gets up more than X- amount of times, (or at all- whatever you decide-) she's then placed into the crib again. She might be great in the crib, then go to her toddler bed and get up just because she can. (Try the gate trick.)
Maybe all it will take is a stern talk from mommy and daddy, and a few nights putting her back in her own bed.
I'm sure I'll be taking all this advice in about a year. My daughter would climb out of her crib in a second if she could figure it out. :)
Good Luck-- you can do it. It takes being firm, but also showing her what a nice time goodnights can be. (You don't want to 'scare' her into going to sleep.)
Give it time- it's not going to be 'magically' fixed by anything. It's going to take a good week to even get a system down. I think you'll do great! :)
Put a gate on her bedroom doorway. Donot get up to go run to her ever cry, check on her but don't interract with her. You can't make her sleep but you can make her stay in a safe area of the house like her bedroom. Let her know if she wakes up she has to stay in her bedroom and find something to entertain herself with or go back to bed. After a few nights of screaming and stuff she will learn the game of waking up multiple times to bug mom and dad isn't working. This is just a game and habit she has started. Now you need to break the habit.
I have an almost 2 year old daughter who has sleep issues also. We just had a baby 2 months ago and had to change how we put her to sleep. It seemed to help a lot. We did a similiar thing that the Sleep Lady suggests. My husband didnt want to put our daughter to sleep like I did and we dont let her cry it out. We started by laying with her at night in her bed and then moved to a chair in the room. We have her room really dark so after a little while my husband would sneak out of her room. After a few days or a week we would go in tuck her in and leave the room. This gave her the process of learning to fall asleep on her own and eventually sleep through the night. She still has a few nights where she will wake up but its not as often or as many times during the night. I hope this makes sense if not email me and I can clarify. (Last night she was awake for a little while)
I can relate. a few months ago my (at the time) almost 2 year old was waking up every single hour and I was at my wits end. I bought one of the Kim West books (aka The Sleep Lady)and modified her suggestions. She says to sit in a chair by her bed at night and every two or three nights move it closer to the door. Unofortunately my daughter was so out of control by that point that the only way I could get her to get any sleep (and of course me!) was to sleep on her floor. For some reason she was waking up constantly through the night and calling for me, so if I was right there on the floor and just told her I was there, she never even sat up. I would move my "bed" closer to the door every few days and after almost 3 weeks we were done. I may have been able to get out sooner, but I was just so tired that some nights I just wanted to sleep and not deal with it, so when I felt we had all gotten control of our sleeping I stopped it and it was fine. She may get up once a night now, but I can handle that versus every hour! Good luck! I thought we would never get through it, but we made it!
I had a parent make a rule that the child cannot leave the room until a certain time. I think they actually set an alarm clock. The child has the freedom to read in bed but the rule is set to stay in the room until 7 or so. The child actually started sleeping later and later. It took awhile to finally see the change. The family also made a "story" by drawing a picture of how the child stays in bed and when she can come out. I know that my parents used this same strategy with me and I would end up sleeping in the doorway. They got to sleep later and I ended up "learning" to stay in my room and sleep longer as well.
Have you tried talking to her about it during the day when she's awake and paying attention? My 2.5 y/o daughter has always been a bad sleeper - partly because she strongly prefers to sleep with us, and partly because she's just a light sleeper and wakes up a lot.
We started talking about it a lot during the day - how it was important for everyone to get a good night's sleep, how she needs to be a big girl and stay in her own bed, how waking up mommy makes me very tired, how everyone sleeps all night long in their own beds (we list lots of people she loves), bla bla bla. And then we followed it up with our short 'rules', "If you wake up at night and have to potty, call us. Otherwise, close your eyes and go to sleep." And we repeated it like a million times a day until she could pretty much recite it back to us.
It has really worked (knock on wood). I think she is so out of it at night that she had *no* concept of her waking up, her behavior or how it affects me. By 3, your daughter should be old enough to have a pretty rational conversation about this behavior. I would not CIO or gate her bedroom door unless you talk about it a lot before hand. It's not fair for you to spring that on a child who is old enough to comprehend how her actions are affecting the entire family.
HTH!
