Maintaining Household

Hello LaRae: I really appreciated your question and as the mother of 5 and the foster mother of several more plus several grandchildren. I am going to give you the same advice that I have given my daughter in laws and daughters.
1. Housework will always be there but your children won't so if given a choice between the 2 take those precious moments with the family.
2. If someone is coming to visit you they won't care if things are out of wack & if they are coming to visit the house let them clean it up.
3. I have to remind my girls that as long as they can cook one cupcake at a time - the oven is clean, as long as the children are happy and healthy and my son is happy and able to help then they are fine.
4. Let anyone help that is able to and don't worry how fast that you get things done. If you have a church group ask for help if you need it .

5. I had a great group of friends and one day as our husbands were all gone on deployment (air force) we made a list of who hated to what and who liked to do what- That group saved my sanity. We took turns at each others houses and did it all including the cooking ( Nan hated to cook but loved to organize closets and drawers) so we pooled our financial resources and did bulk cooking. The funny part was when our husbands got together and asked" so guys what are we all having tonight for dinner"??
So relax and prioritize what needs to get done and when ( laundry waits for no man- woman -or child) and see if there are things you are able to get rid of that are to time consuming to take care of in this time and season of your life ; for me it was the stuff I dusted.
Enjoy the adventure of Parenthood as your children are our future, Nana G

You need to sit down with your husband and discuss the upcoming increase in work with the new baby, and ask him if he has suggestions about how the two of you should divide it up. The house, the chores, and the children are as much his as they are yours, aren't they? Why should you both go to work and come home tired, and you be the only one tending to the dinner and the dishes and the house and the kids? And even if you get to stay off work for a while, don't take all the chores and the childcare on your shoulders. And don't obsess about a clean house while your new baby is little. A clean house is not important --- enjoying your kids is.

I was lucky to have married a big ol' handsome man who was the oldest child raised by a single mother of five. He went to work every day, and when he came home, if something needed to be done around the house, he just did it, and didn't look for a pat on the back for "helping me with my housework." When the baby woke up in the middle of the night, he got up just as often as I did. He changed just as many diapers as I did, and listen to this: I would sometimes walk into the bathroom and find that HE HAD CLEANED THE TOILET. He's been dead fifteen years, and I still miss him so. I never found anyone else who could measure up.

Hi LaRae,
I'm a mom of two with a more-than-full-time job as well. I guess my first method of keeping my sanity is that I expect my husband to help - A LOT! Sure, there are things he just doesn't seem to "get" (such as giving the kids baths, or doing laundry), but he helps with many other things that he's good at, such as grocery shopping, cooking, and getting the kids to clean up their rooms.

Something that really helps out in our house with the messes kids leave behind is a "5 minute quick-clean." I set the kitchen timer for 5 minutes and both kids have to drop whatever they are doing and clean for 5 minutes. My husband and I participate as well, and you would be surprised how much you can clean things up in 5 minutes! (Also, it probably helps that whatever is NOT picked up at the end of 5 minutes in terms of toys... gets donated to Goodwill! Boy does that motivate them to stay on task! =)

Aside from that, if you can swing it financially, I would highly recommend having a cleaning lady come once or twice a month to do a "deep clean" of your house (clean windows, dust ceiling fans, scrub floors, whatever)and then you can do light cleaning during your 5 minute quick cleans (wipe everything down with a Clorox wipe just to get the dust and fingerprints off).

Other than that, I'd say, use BabyWise or whatever method works for you, to get your new baby on a feeding/sleeping schedule as soon as possible so you can get rest and be able to plan your daily schedule with some level of confidence. That will do wonders with helping you keep life under control!

Best of luck and congratulations on your expanding family!!

Hello LaRae-
I don't work outside the home but had the same type of situation. I too had a 9 year old daughter (she's now 13) when my second little girl was born. (she's 3 now--and I have a one year old son now). When I had my second child I stopped working outside the home. You can't do everything...don't try to make everything function like it did. It drove me nuts...I had to just realize that sometimes the dishes would have to be done at night, or the dusting would have to just wait. I try to take 30 min. a night to myself to play on the computer, walk, read or whatever but sometimes I don't even get that. Also, I would tend to expect my older child to help a lot more and that caused problems. It's not fair to the older one and can cause some hurt emotions.
What helped me was getting my baby into some type of fun routine like gymnastics/tumble class with other mom's. I met some other great mothers and even though I was with the baby I still felt like I had a nice little outing. You can find evening classes for after work. I would also enjoy working as much as you can and enjoy those lunches without kids! That might be your only break for a while :-) This stage really goes by fast and before you know it, things will fall into place.

Good luck!
K.

If you think maid service is too expensive - here's a justification for it:
Think how much more it will cost you to replace parts of your house that were ruined because you just didn't get around to taking care of them - especially if you rent. Even if you just have deep cleaning once a month think of it as an insurance policy on your house and your sanity.

You'll figure it out as time goes on. Remember two things: 1) don't worry too much about household chores - they aren't going anywhere, they will wait for you. the important thing is time with the children and rest for yourself; 2) don't worry about asking for too much from your husband. He should be pulling 50% of the weight - just going to work isn't enough. My husband does all the laundry, mops the kitchen, dining area and entryway, mows the lawns, dusts and vacuums the living room. He enjoys helping clean his house because he is proud of his home and wants it to look nice. We work together on it and it doesn't take but a couple of hours of diligent effort to get the entire house clean and then we're able to enjoy the rest of our weekend. We don't do much during the week because we both work full time and are raising two grandchildren. But we all, including the kids, pick up around the house during the week.

I think Catherine's 5-minute clean idea is a good one. I have older kids (step) and never had a baby, but from my experience, you just can't get it all done, even with help! But you should prioritize. Babies can go through clothing pretty quickly, I figure, so you have to make sure that the baby laundry gets done, but with your older child, you can ask that clothes be reworn if they are not very dirty (this doesn't work so well with boys who get filthy). I usually let the vacuuming slide.
Try to make sure when you get new things in the house, you also clear some things out to get rid of--this can prevent build up of clutter.
There are many convenience foods, and a lot of take-out available to help with meals---and if you are worried about these being less healthy, you can try "pic-nic style" meals (a little bit of this and that) For example, a some bread and some cheese and some fruit, etc, which don't require cooking (fewer pots and utensils to wash)and are quick to assemble and eat.
As for free time---if I need some, I just take it! It prevents emotional conflict with the kids, to make sure I am well rested instead of irritable.

Hi LaRae,
You must try out www.Flylady.net! Good luck!

My husband and I agreed before our son was born that we would budget to have a cleaning person come once a month to clean the entire house. This has been a godsend! It takes the pressure off so I don't feel obligated to deep clean every week. I don't worry about dragging out the mop and bucket for the kitchen floor and instead vacuum and use a wet swiffer between the professional cleaning.

My husband and I also try to set aside one hour either Saturday or Sunday to dust, vaccum, and do the bathrooms. Once the baby comes at least for the first few weeks you should be off the hook from cleaning anyway. This is the time when friends ask "how can I help" and this is your chance to say "could you help with a little cleaning?" Friends who are offering will not mind cleaning any more that bringing you a meal. :)

Good luck and give yourself a break, enjoy your daughter, husband and new little one and let the rest go. Family is so much more important than a clean house.

Hello:

Look you are going to be very busy, and for sure no time for you and your husband. I recommend look for housekeeper.
I know in this time is hard, but you need to think about your time, about enjor your life, enjor your kids, tomorrow they going to grow up. they don't want to play any more, the time past so fast.

I am owner of house cleaning bussines, I clean with no toxic products because we care about the planet, kids, pets and your health. I have rotation system to clean your house, that mean: after I clean your house in the regular basics, I will choose some important things to clean like refrigerator, oven, finger prints in the walls, etc. for the same price.

My prices are affordables and my customer are from Los Gatos, Saratoga, San Jose, Evergreen, etc. If you need references I can send to you.

thanks

D.
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Xolotlan Cleaning Services
Cleaning your house and the Planet

Sounds like your pregnancy "worry hormone" is kicking in big time. :-)

Just relax and see where life takes you once you get to that point. I'm not saying stick your head in the sand until it happens, you do need to think about what and how you can or may have to adjust but dont worry so much.
You can't set up a plan now while Aug is still some time away .. well you could, but you'd be revising your plan countless times between now and then, and after, and that's just wasted energy. Go with the flow. Have some extra help (you know, people are always asking what they can do for you - tell them to come by with a dinner or have your older daughter's friend play together for an afternoon/weekend, help vaccuum or fold laundry with you, whatever it is. And not all the first week or two that you had the baby but for a few months out afterwards.

Money is tight these days but the relatively low cost of having a person come in and do the heavy cleaning sometimes is a lifesaver it really makes life more manageable there's usually people on craigslist for 15 and hour or so

oh i'm so happy you're asking this. I have two sons, one is 16 mths old and the other will be 3 at the end of July. I work full time and have an hour commute each way to work. Both of my children are in daycare and my husband works in Southern California during the week so it is just me and "them" during the week. :) I have had MANY mental breakdowns since my youngest has started moving.
My best advice for you is to make sure you have a weekly routine (as much as possible) so that everyone knows what to expect and what is expected of them. It does not have to be hard things, and having an older child will help a lot.
Our routine is very simple but the boys can count on it.
If there are things you can give your older child to do to help her involved, but try not to make it all about the baby.
Now the husband ha ha, that's the hard part. In my situation, I have always been teh primary care giver which was sort of a problem to begin with and which escalated when the baby was born. I just NOW am getting good at asking for what I need. I suggest you start early. Make sure that you say you need a nap in the afternoons and dad needs to take the baby. Or you need to go out and take a walk with yoru older daughter. Otherwise I think men start to get weary of the new baby, my husband was almost scared to be left alone with him. Make sure he knows he HAS to be involved (it kills me that they assume there is a choice) and the more quality time he spends with the baby and with you, the better and more comfortable he will be with it.

Just my opinion (and I have TONS on this)........good luck. Email me if you want to talk,
K.

Oh and realize NOW that you can only do what you can do...if someone complains about it, remind them you are doing what you can and they are MORE than welcome to help anytime they'd like :)

Hi LaRae!
First of all Congrats on your second pregnancy! You are very lucky. I just had my first baby girl 6 months ago and I am 39. I can only hope I will get the chance to have 2 children! I totally know how you feel and what you are going through with managing work, home and caring for your family. I just went back to work as a manager 4 weeks ago and boy is it hard to get back in the swing of things. You feel like there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done! On top of that my husband had shoulder surgery 6 weeks ago and can NOT do anything. So pretty much I am holding the fort down myself with about 4-6 hours of sleep mind you! (the little one is still breastfeeding throughout the night.)I had to let a lot of things go unfortunately. I try to get up on the weekends the same time I get up for work and do the dishes, laundry, housecleaning etc. so it's all done then try to get myself together and then get my daughter ready. Other than getting myself ready in the morning I don't have any time to myself. I have a lady come clean my house once or twice a month to help out, but I haven't really even had a chance to have her come over since I've been back to work. Needless to say I feel for you, but at least you have your daughter and husband who are willing to help out. Maybe you can make a schedule of chores and days to give to them. I'm sure they could do that for you. My other suggestion is if you can afford someone to come once or twice a month to really clean the house that will ease your mind. I'm still figuring out how to remember to pay the bills on time and keep my sanity!!! I used to be so organized and it's frustrating when you can't accomplish the things that you want to do. Sorry this is so long! I guess what I'm trying to say is that all of us Mom's go through the same things and we need to learn to not worry and be ok with letting some things go! I wish you the best of luck. Have faith that everything will work out just fine. Happy Mother's Day:)

I just wanted to say hi because I am due in July and my 8yr old will be 9 in 3 weeks! I am self employed and just wondering how I will manage it all. I am hoping that I dont worry, and a take some time to chill with my 8year old now, and the baby when they arrive. I am just starting to slow down now, and its really nice. Have fun! We can figure it out. :)

Dear LaRae,
Being a mom, whether single or married, stay at home or working, is just about the toughest job in the entire world.
I think the main thing is to try to have a schedule to keep chaos from ensuing, but also allow yourself to remember that there are only 24 hours in a day and the world will not come to an end if every single thing on the list for the day doesn't get done. It really is true that sometimes you just have to "stop and smell the roses". Squeeze in quiet time for yourself, even if it's just a nice long bubble bath and don't forget quiet time with your husband. Families all have to work together and as time goes by, you'll find what works best for all of you.
I wanted to tell you that my children, a girl and a boy, were born just shy of 10 years apart and my daughter was so much help! She didn't think she'd ever get a baby brother or sister, so he was HER baby. She changed his diapers, rocked him, loved picking out his clothes and dressing him, we would put him in his stroller and she would stroll him around inside the house while I took a shower. It was never a chore for her. She wanted to do these things and I let her.
Let your daughter and your husband help. You don't have to do it all.
And remember to laugh.
Congratulations on your growing family!

I have 3 kids and one due to arrive in June, I have to remind myself to not sweat the small stuff and sometimes everything is not going to get done. Here is what I do to help my sanity.

1. My stepdaughter is 11 and she has chores she is responsible for doing around the house. She has to clean her own bathroom, her room, and do her own laundry. Sunday is her day for dish duty. I started her doing her own laundry at age 9.

2. My two sons ages 4 and 5 have slightly different chores due to their age. My 5 yr. old is responsible for cleaning his own room and as well as my 4 yr. old (although my 4 yr. old needs help, so either me or my husband will help him clean his room). They both are responsible for cleaning up the living room since it is always their toys making it a mess. They help set the table for dinner and everyonce in a while will help do dishes. My 5 yr. old likes to fold towels. so I give him that responsibility when he asks to do it.

3. I work part-time and my husband full-time with long hours. I made up a laundry schedule and get all the boys laundry done before the weekend, and if I have time I will do my laundry too, if not I do it on Saturday along with towels and linens. My stepdaughter has Sunday to do her laundry. Sometimes it doesn't always work out like this, but it helps to have a schedule. I wash all of the clothes, but my husband is responsible for putting away his own.

4. I use the crock pot a lot for dinners and pre-plan my dinners for a week at a time, and then will decide the night before what I am going to cook. Crock pot saves me so much time, I put the food together in the morning and by the time everyone's home dinner is done. Pre-planning your menu before you go to the grcoery store not only saves time, but money as well. I do most of the cooking, but usually on Friday's my husband will cook.

5. We do dishes together. It doesn't always work out this way, but I try at best to have the kitchen cleaned right after dinner, and I find that if me and my husband both work together it gets done a lot faster and we both have time to rest. He wiil put dinner away and clean up table and counters while I do dishes or vice versus.

6. We share in bathtime. We stil have to give the boys a bath so we take turns. One will bathe and the other will get Pj's on, we trade off on storytime. I'm sure once the baby is here he will be doing most of that.

7. Keeping my sanity:

I plan grpcery shopping when I have no kids.

After 8:30pm is my time. Kids go to bed at 8:30 and that is my time to relax, read or just rest. Granted once the baby is here my time will adjust to baby time, but once I get the baby on a schedule, I will have my time back.

Me and my husband have date night. For us it's not every weekend, but at least once a month we send the kids to grandma's house for an overnighter and we have time for just us.

Be flexible, although I have a schedule doesn't mean it is always going to happen that way.

Enlist the help of others. I rely heavily on my husband. He works twice and much as me and longer hours, but somewhere along the way we have learned to create a balance within our realtionship where we both help eachother. My kids help out around the house. Yes, I do have to argue with them sometimes about doing it, but I remind them that it is their responsibility as part of this family to help out. I will enlist the help of the kids to help out with the baby. All age appropriate of course, but asking them to get diapers for me, a blanket or clothes, etc. to help them feel apart of this new adventure we are taking on.

My house is not always clean, sometimes I'm too tired to do the dishes, and I don't always want to do the laundry and I have do let it go and remind myself that I will get it done, eventually...

Congratulations and Good Luck! I hope this helps.

1) Use daily lists, and Flylady.net to keep up with the most important cleaning tasks.

2) Don't worry if the house is not show-perfect all the time. Life balance is more important than spotless. In the large scheme of things, you're not going to look back and wish you had cleaned the bathroom mirrors more often.

3) In addition to making sure you and your husband have occasional date nights, establish some nights for you to do your own thing. Since my first daughter was born 7 years ago, my husband and I give each other one "night out" a week. It has been a wonderful system. You could do once a month, but do it.

Relax, and enjoy.
L.

La Rae, I relate and I hear anxiety..
It will be different. It will change. It will go by fast..Your turning 9 year old is still young but it has probably been a nice routine for you. I caution that everyone remember she is a soon to be tweener who will have hormones and social pressures a long with demanding academics so while it is might be her passion to dote on her baby sister, it may also not and she may have other needs. A baby changes that and a fuller family is just that, full. It is also a blessing and everyone will be both stretched and enhanced..B...
lists
delegate
assign time for you
thank everyone
donate stuff
special time with older daughter
with husband
friends
A cleaning service is two sided...ideally nice but expensive and intrusive..only have one if affordable and totally helpful, not distracting. I know everyone likes flylady..I also love
messies.com for us cleanies..she has a spriritual approach to cleaning..love her

Hi LaRae,

Life can be pretty overwhelming sometimes, I know. The trick for me was to "lower my standards" and expectations of MYSELF. Just temporarily :O) I didn't realize how much pressure I had put on myself until I was pregnant with my 2nd son.

First, I had to teach myself that the WHOLE house does not have to be "perfectly" clean at one time. So, I changed my routine to a room a day. Then, I had to focus on the priorities, like laundry and the dishes. The rest always got done in time.

My hubby helped go to the grocery store for me for awhile until I got my routine going. Husbands are always willing to help, we just need to ask them :O)

Time for myself....that's a hard one. You are a working mom, so I guess you can't rest during your infant's nap. Well, you might have to come up with a beauitful, very loving bedtime routine. The more loving, the more cooperative (at least in my house) :O) Then you can get to bed early.

I would try to get a maid to help you with the bathrooms, and floors. It would take the pressure of you.

It doesn't all have to be "perfect" LaRae. Just happy :O)

~N. :o)

Hi. My daughter was the same age when i had my son. It was overwhelming at first. Trying to take care of her and give her attention while I was doing the same for the baby. But after a little bit it became routine and it all fell into place and became normal. Also don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone, even your husband. Also don't be to hard on yourself about getting things done around the house. Sometimes it's ok to let the mess go for a day.I'm sure your daughter will probably be a big help. I don't always keep my saniy, but I try. You can do it. Oh I also watch john and kate plus eight and that gives me incouragment. I think to my self if the can do it with eight I can do it with 3. Good luck!

Congratulations to you and your husband on being parents to two girls!

I can relate LaRae. I am the mommy of a 3 year old girl and now a 3 month old girl too. I was worried about the same things. The best thing I can say is don't have rigid expectations of yourself. Relax and figure it out as it comes.
My daughter is just getting over colic. Which meant any expectations I had of scheduling and routines went out the window.
I have eased back into everything. I spent 8 weeks at home, then went back to work for 4 hours a day for two weeks then 6 hours a day for 2 weeks, and in another week i'll be back up to 8 hour days. I feel fortunate enough to have a supportive employer to do this. Steping back into things slowly like this has allowed me and the girls to adjust slowly. 6 weeks ago the thought of getting out the door in time to get the girls to daycare and get myself to work by 8am seemed an impossible task, but by slow adjustments (10am then 9am then 8am) its been doable.
Wherever you have the opportunity to slowly step back into the routine (which will now be a different adjusted routine) the easier it will be.
Also, be kind to yourself. You don't have to expect you'll be able to do it all from day one. Do what you must the best you can, and work the rest in when you find the room for it.
Remember, these days with your new baby are fleeting. Being a family and enjoying bonding as a newly extended family is so much more important than the house being spotless! Someday all too soon she'll be a "big girl," and you'll look back at the initial chaos, hopefully, fondly.
Again, congratulations to you and your family on your newest addition!