Mad at Dad

I felt like this too when pregnant with the second baby (she's 4 months old now). It is much harder on everyone once you already have the first baby--think about the stress of a two year old plus the stress of pregnancy. My 3 year old is still giving me a hard time because of the baby. Sure, with the first baby you may get waited on but who has time after that (it's a nice fantasy though). I struggled to run the household without much extra help until the 3rd trimester then had a big argument with my husband about getting baby gear out of the attic in the last month (me hauling baby gear down a pull down stairway in the last month of pregnancy was just not happening). He did a lot of extra jobs for me the last 4-6 weeks and especially the last 3 when the baby was in an uncomfortable position. But he was also exhausted and stressed taking care of our toddler and me and working full time. I know what you mean about being stuck in the house with a toddler and no other adult to talk to but your spouse. I called my best friend and my mom constantly to vent (ironically, my mom takes my husband's side a lot). My husband does do a lot (he is washing bottles right now) but he has to know a job is "his job" regularly or on a one time basis. I had to specifically tell my husband I could no longer do some jobs that involved bending or lifting during the second half of pregnancy until after recovering from the birth. In my experience he just doesn't "see" the mess/jobs that need doing and a big percentage of guys are like this. If you can manage to calmly talk to him about some of this and ask him nicely to do certian specific tasks he might be more likely to help. Also if you are both overwhelmed you can get hire out some things. Money is tight for us but we managed to get a cleaning service to come in the last month for my pregnancy and the month the baby was born. I am far from a great housekeeper but I find when it gets really messy and chaotic I feel stressed out and discouraged.

I think it is more your hormones than anything else. I am 24 weeks pregnant with number 2. My son is 20 months old, I work full time and dad works full time. We still split the duties. It is much much harder this time. I am more tired, the economy makes work harder than it was last time, and of course, you and your husband didn't have your daughter last time. I think it will only piss you off to expect your husband to wait on you. However if you need more help, tell him. He may need to hear it clearly and if speaking to him gets him helping more (I recently had that conversation with my hubby) what does it matter if you had to tell him. Approach him gently and be clear about what exactly you need him to do. I bet if you don't come down on him critically he will jump to do whatever you need. After all, that is what you would want him to do to you and it is how you would approach your daughter.
Good Luck!!

Hang in there, S.! I was in the same boat as you when pregnant with my second child (who is 2 months old now); I have another son who was 15 months old when his brother was born. And, my husband -- while wonderful in most ways -- drove me up the wall when I was pregnant because I always felt that I had to give him direction on stuff he should know how to do. This is something that happened before I was pregnant as well -- we've been married 7 years -- however when pregnant I felt much more angry and annoyed at him. I chalked it up to hormones as well; and I know there was a fair amount of stress making me strung out -- from work, from trying to figure out logistics of getting to the hospital with a one-year-old at home to make arrangements for, etc. I had to take it out on something/someone, so I sent it to him (poor guy ... ).

There was a lot on my plate and it sounds like there's a lot on your plate, as well. I think the main thing to try to focus on is: does your husband snap-to and do the stuff you ask? If so, then yes, it can be irritating that he isn't taking the initiative, however if you know you can count on him to do what you ask, start making a chore list for him and hand it off when he gets home. This way, he knows what you need him to do and what you expect of him. Men are great but they're not mind-readers (darn it!) and some can be a little slow on the uptake of what's required to have an always-delighted wife. :)

Good luck! And, congrats on the growing family!!

Try to ask, ask ask...give your husband the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't know what you want/need from him...once you ask and it doesn't get delivered, feel free to get mad.

I also explained to my husband to respond to the feeling rather than the intensity of my emotions when I was pregnant and reminded him throughout my pregnancy...start off with "I statements" (e.g. I feel anxious about labor, etc)...to make it easier for him to do it.

And, are you sure it's hormones? Is it possible you're losing more sleep than you think? I had bad heartburn and when I started taking medicine for it, I woke up much more pleasant and was much less moody. You could be having symptoms worse than you think...

The upside? My sweet 10 day old has beautiful hair...supposedly it's associated with heartburn...he even has an adorable cow lick!

Good luck!

Ha ha, yes, I can totally relate. I have a husband who lavished attention and favors on me while we were courting. He was less-than supportive while I was pregnant and even less-so when I had our baby. Men deal with stress in their own ways. I suggest counseling it could help to get the lines of communication open. Guys can be really single-focused and need reminders of the reality of what we women/mothers are going through and the little things we need help with. It may feel like nagging but, I know that my husband needs/wants me to spell-out exactly what I need from him. Men are the WORST at mind reading! :)

Get over your fantasy and behave like a big girl using your words to ask for what you want and need. Your needs are real and valid and that should be the focus.

I think it is crazy when women or men expect the other partner to be a mind reader it is so annoying. My husband was more like that than myself. After we got married he said he thought when he got home from work I would be waiting for him with ice tea and his slippers. He doesn't even like ice tea.

Use your words and if he doesn't deliver than you have the right to get mad. And fantasies are just fantasies no one can live up to them. You're on your second child its time to be a little more realistic.

This is only my humble opinion, of course.