Lying - Dallas,TX

Maybe I'm a softy, and YOUR rules are YOUR rules. You have the right to list and enforce the rules of your own household.
I feel like even O. of the punishments you listed ("off TV, and until the end of the school year she won't go to friends homes, no playdates, no sleepover and she will write "I will not cheat or/and lye 100 times/each day for 4 weeks.") would be a pretty firm consequence. And if you do make her write it, it's spelled "LIE, not LYE".

VAVA, I know you are upset, and probably embarrassed, but this is part of growing up. You should be tough, but don't go over the top. If you Over punish then your child may decide things are so bad they can't get worse and may decide just to do what she feels like. She may feel a sense of hopelessness.

A friend did this to my son. The parents called and apologized to us, and the child apologized to my son. The boy got an F on the assignment. The kids gave this boy a rough time and I don't believe he ever did it again.

Talk to your daughter about why she did this? Was she being lazy or was she overwhelmed? See how you can help her.

I think apologizing is appropriate. I also think homework done before t.v. is appropriate, and I think you need to monitor the homework time, but I am going to tell you I think taking away her friends is a mistake. That's gone too far. Plus I think that friends often set our kids straight. If she is with her friends they can talk this out. It may help her in the future, even if she loses a friend......the consequences will be natural. Look at this as an opportunity to learn, but don't let your fear of failing your daughter turn this into a bigger deal than it is. Kids need to learn, and they will make mistakes to help them learn.

I want to caution you to stick to whatever you have already told her. Regardless of if you decide it is too much (or if others thinks that), you going back on your word will be more harmful for these upcoming years. She needs to know what you say is something you will not waiver on.

I personally disagree with others here and think that your punishment is not too harsh. I love John Rosemond, http://www.rosemond.com/ , and his thinking that modern society is WAY TOO kind to our children. He states that this is why America is the way it is today and I agree with him 100%.

In his book he addresses an issue like this, it was a teenage girl who stole $60 from her moms purse. His punishment for the crime was literally striping away ever parent-given right she had for 6 months, on which the time would start ALL over again if any other major discipline issue occurred. (like lying, direct defiance, ect)

His reasoning is that if you crack down on a child once like this, you are ingraining in them that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. Your future years will be much less stressful, as they will conform to what is expected of them.

On the other hand, if you go back on your original punishment now, you are just showing her that you do not keep your word and she can wiggle out of a situation. Although Rosemond is a Christian and his parenting book is written in that text, his reasoning on issues and practical advise can be used by all, as he does not usually push religion into his advise.

I have read dozens of parenting books and this one will be the last one I ever buy. You can sign up for his website newsletter, where he sends emails once a week with viewer situations and his advice. Maybe you can even send your situation in for evaluation.

Good Luck! Remember, you are mom and you know what is best, dont let others make you think otherwise.

First of all I do believe that your punishment is harsh but it is yours, Making her write an apology is great. You did not fail as a parent, children will go there own way no matter what you do. When my daughters lied to me I would tell them that I would get them something they really wanted then tell them I lyed about the getting it for them and asked them how they felt about being lied to. Sometimes it worked. Just remind your daughter that you still love her and she can talk to you about anything. Remember if you are to hard on her she might not what to come to you about something that should be talked about.

The punishments in my home are very similar. However, I do not put all into place at once. Like Charmaine mentioned, if you use too much of a punishment, it could turn her off of telling you something in the future for fear of the same. I love the note and verbal apology. It makes her own up.
One of my girls tends to exaggerate things that happen, though not a full out lie. Depending on what the submject was, I use the punishment so she understands that it is not acceptable. One time she lied about her homework. She was at a friends house because she told me she did finish everything. Well, the next day I found out she did not do her homework at all. I had to sign a slip from the teacher showing that I knew about it. Sure, this is not cheating or taking someone else's work but it is along the same subject (school). She was grounded for a week, no video games for 3 weeks, and no TV for the week she was grounded. Grounded meant she could not go by her friend's house. She also had 2 extra pages of "homework" from me to complete. 2 pages because that is what she had not done when she didn't do her homework. If my kid's do not do their homework and lie about it, they have to do the equivalent from me plus whatever tyhe teacher sends home. They hate it because I do not give easy stuff.

I think you have some good ideas here, but maybe not implement all of them. You know that she will do something else that will require punishment and if you have tapped it all out, then it wont be a big deal to her to be punished again. I would sit with her and ask her point blank why she didnt do the assigment, first. Did she not do it because she didnt know how or was it just because she forgot or ran out of time? I think that makes a difference. I would then ask her why she felt she needed to lie about it. You did not fail as a parent. Kids do things that they do because sometimes they just do it. They have to learn from doing sometimes, even if that is doing something that is not acceptable. I would make sure that the understands that you did not approve of what she did, but that you love her. Tell her she can come to you if she does not understand something with her work, and if she forgets to do the homework then she needs to take the zero or find out from the teacher if there is a way to make it up.Obviously she told the lie because she didnt want to get in trouble and then it only spiraled out of control after that - as lying always does. This is your moment to really be a parent and teach her about consequences, but to also communicate with her about the situation and about not doing it again.