Lying 4.5 Year Old

kids this age will make things up in their head and since they have a hard time distinguishing between real and made up, they actually believe it happened. it sounds like you do good detective work, and that helps. when she starts getting the idea that making things up doesnt work on you she should grow out of it. the kids that come to my house for day care have stopped doing that nonsense lying since they know i will find out the truth anyway.

This is an age thing called "magical thinking." Kids this age do not really understand how the world works and believe that saying something can make it true. (I think this is why a sibling can bring them to tears just saying something ridiculous, [sorry I can't think of an example right now] and they just Need the sibling to stop.) You have to teach her the difference, but don't judge her like you would an older person who knows they are lying and it's wrong.

My daughter actually does the opposite - I'll catch her imitating another child who did something wrong and point it out to her and she'll defend the other kid!

If you think about it, their experiments with trying to make their stories true are kind of cute. Hang onto that thought when the evil-looking smirk makes you want to take their little heads off.

(I haven't quite figured the smirk out yet - probably just an interesting way to get a really wild reaction out of you. Durn little scientists ;))

Hi C.,
My daughter did the same thing about the age of 4, and now has started again (at age 6). I think it's really a way to try to figure out how the world works. As your daughter becomes more and more capable of imagination she wants to determine how these new things she can envision will affect the world. I don't know this for sure, but I'm pretty confident that my daughter is sounding out her ideas on me rather than trying to manipulate the situation. Then again, there are definitely times when she is trying to lie to get out of trouble.
I don't know what you do about it, or how to change the behavior or eliminate it so it will never come back - or if we'd even really want to.

I disagree with Beth about double-checking everything your child says. You are teaching your child that she is untrustworthy. Perhaps for a short while, it's ok to follow up on what she says, but eventually she must learn that she can earn your trust again.

This is not an easy situation, and I wish you a lot of luck!

My daughter started that a few months ago and really pulled a big one on me. Had me believing her first grade teacher was the meanest horrible person in the whole world. I called her teacher up and made a arse of out myself. I finally caught on. This is what I did.

She came home from school and we talked about it, she didn't want to budge so she had to sit on the couch until she wanted to tell me the truth, she was on the couch til bedtime yes that long and still wouldn't tell me the truth so when she came home the next day from school she went straight back to the couch. She finally gave up and told me the truth. I talked and talked with her and told her she can always talk to me, if she has done something wrong ok tell me about it but if you lie your in alot more trouble. I stressed to her it's 10x worse if she lies. So far she hasn't lied again. I explained also how she lost trust with me.

I also double check everything now, if she tells me something I will call her teacher, ask the kids outside, ask the neighbors etc. I always get both sides of the story now and no longer take my daughter's word she lost trust with me I can't trust her.

(my daughter has to EARN my trust back and that doesn't happen overnight) her lies were straight out embarassing and could have gotten her teacher in trouble

I actually remember doing stuff like this around 4-5 years old. It was part imagination, part being a little stinker!

This is a toughie for the parent. You don't want to blow off everything she says, because, if something bad actually were to happen to her, you'd want to hear about it, and you'd want her to know that she can confide in you. Hmmmm.....

I think I would "investigate" her claims, and let her know that you are doing so. Assure her that you want to know if something bad happens to her, that she can tell you anything. Then when she comes home and says that Johnny pushed her and got into trouble, tell her that that is awful and you want to talk to her teacher about Johnny. Have her sit right there while you make the phone call. Doing this once or twice and getting caught in her lie is bound to embarass the heck out of her!

I'd also let her teacher know that she is going through this phase.

No advice, but i'll certainly be following your post. My son who will be 4 soon, is doing the same thing. I'm sure it's an age thing, but like you i'm baffled.