My husband and I are having trouble with his four year old daughter. Her mother gets her one month and we get her one month. We recently picked her up and she had a huge blood blister (or bruise, I can't really tell) on her finger. Not a big deal, we just asked her what happened to it and she has told us multiple stories on how she got the sore. When my husband asked her mother she simply said she didn't know and it is the second time that it "just appeared". This is not the first time either of them has lied to us over the tiniest detail. I am worried that if we can't get this straightened out she is going to grow up lying constantly. We are at a loss of what to do. We are already taking her mother to court to get custody because of multiple reasons, but the lying is really starting to bother me. Please help
Thank you.
I guess I should add that she keeps telling us her mother and boyfriend and now her grandmother are doing it to her. She has told us all this in one sentence. I'm sorry I wasn't more detailed earlier. But she is very open about showing us owies and tells us that other people are hurting her.
I notice marks on my daughter all the time I don't know where they came from. It's not necessarily lying. Maybe you should not assume that she is lying, I am not sure what other reasons that she has given you in the past that has made you not give her the benefit of the doubt and question everything she says and does down to the tiniest detail.
My kids have had scrapes bruises, other mars which I did not really know where they came from, if you asked me where they came from, I would have to say I'm not really sure. Would you think I was lying?
There must be more to this story.
:)
I would definitely be concerned about the thoughts of someone else hurting her, but as far as the lying goes, no matter how much you try to nip it, it's going to happen. I don't know of any child including myself, who has never lied to avoid getting in trouble, avoid getting someone else in trouble, etc
Your goin to court for custody because of other things? So is it hard to believe they may in fact be hurting her? Kids get banged up, but constant bruises and "owies" would make me a bit suspicious. My daughter is 2 1/2 and a little dare devil and doesn't get constant bruises. I'd call CPS and have them investigate it at least. That stuff doesn't just "appear" lmao. Did you laugh in her face? I would have, that would just insult my intelligence saying it just appeared and expecting me to actually believe it :P
She may just be doing it for attention, but I personally wouldn't just let it go even if you THINK she MAY be lying because there's always a chance she is telling the truth about it and maybe has been taught to lie so you wouldn't believe her (I have NO idea how manipulative her mom is so just threw it out there b/c some people use their kids).
After reading your post, I just wanted to send out a word of caution regarding the little girls speech and brain activity. My son is five and sometimes he states things that are just not right. He is doing it on purpose and therefore in my mind not lying about things. I just think his brain is not develped enough to understand what he is saying. Here are a few examples... He loves books and is starting to dream quite a bit lately. He woke up one morning a few months ago screaming at me to stop ripping up his books. I have never seen him this upset before nor had him talk to me like this. It took 30 minutes to calm him and show him his books that were unharmed. He could not understand that it was a dream. Another instance is he using the words "ask" and "tell" backwards. In other words he will say "Dad, I told mom what we will do tomorrow" when he meant "He asked me what we will do tomorrow. The final example is the whole family was shopping and my son was not walking very nice behind me. I ended up catching my shoe with his shoes and how we both did not fall down I don't know, but it ended up with him on the floor in the middle of the aisle crying because "I had made him fall down." I got the worst looks from people in the store because all they heard was a little boy crying on the floor because I had made him fall down. In no way was it my fault, but being 5 he just knows that I am still standing and he is on the floor so I must have done it. I try to explain each of these situations to him when they happen, but sometimes he just does not get it.
I applaud you for being so diligent about making the little girl safe and whatever other issues you have going on with her mother, just make sure you have independent facts before any accusations start. I have two great little kids myself. They are respectful and know how to behave, but they still have their moments and they just don't make the best witnesses. They take things out of context all of the time.
The mother lying on the other hand is cruel and is not going to help the little girl understand how to behave in an appropriate manner. The child must be so confused with different expectations at different locations. I also applaud you for trying to instill good values when the child is not getting that at other locations.
I strongly encourage you to read Nurture Shock. The author writes about ground breaking studies on lying in children, and has some excellent suggestions on how to deal with it. If you google it, you may be able to find the pertinent sections. (The book isn't only about lying in children; it also deals with other childrearing "tried and true assumptions").
I wouldn't go too hard on her, though, as she is 4.
