Lying - Portland,OR

mostly i think we should set our kids up for success by not asking them IF they did something, when you know they clearly, obviously did it. also i have always told my son (and i stick to it) that he will get in more trouble if he lies to me about something, than if he tells me the truth. it's not always easy for him but he usually comes clean.

also, i would try to limit donuts or other junk food being in the house. especially hidden away because then it is "forbidden", but it's okay for YOU to have. and that's just not right. if you must buy that stuff they should be shared fairly, imo. and only as a special, rare treat. not as a dirty little secret.

Lying is common in kids of all ages. Lying is not always bad. Lying actually can indicate a higher understanding of social skills. And we as parents can help kids avoid lying by how we ask them questions. Here's an article that describes typical lying based on children's ages:

http://articles.cnn.com/2008-11-12/health/why.kids.lie_1_...

If my daughter had eaten a box of donuts and hidden the evidence, I would be more concerned about why she thought she couldn't just ask for a donut, and did she understand when would be appropriate to have a donut, what would lead her to eat more than one or two, and why she thought she needed to hide the fact from me.

Dealing with lying in children is not as simple as "lying is bad". This is a parenting opportunity.

I think the best thing to do is to not ask them a question about something you know they did but just address the issue. Say you took the donuts and that is not right so for that this will happen. Of course he will have to learn lying is wrong too as someone sometime in his life will ask the question. Now maybe tell him he can't have donuts when you have them next time or something similar. I would make the punishment to do with food since he took food. Tell him if he would like a donut to ask next time and that eating a box of them is too many and could make him sick.

I suggest that at 9 and autistic he still isn't able to understand the difference between truth and fantasy as well as you think. Autistic kids develop at a slower pace. Of course he lied, you asked him if he did and he wished that he hadn't. He didn't want to get in trouble. He told you his fantasy.

The difference between lies and truth is a difficult, higher learning concept. His brain is still developing. I suggest it's much better to not set him up for lying. Tell him you found the box under his bed and you know he ate the donuts. No need to question him. You know. Then give him a consequence. The real issue is his taking the donuts. You don't need to add the complication of a lie to it.

By not asking you are giving a more clear message about the truth and lies. You tell the truth to him so that he can see what it looks like.

Keep in mind that he's still learning about the truth. At this age children can still have an active fantasy life. They have difficulty knowing the difference between what they want it to be and what is actual. Teaching, rather than punishment is the way to go. And setting them up for success beats failure all the way.

I handle lies by saying something like you wish that such was true? And then spend some time talking about what the child wishes before emphasizing what is real. Let the child understand that you sympathize with their wishes while also providing an example of the truth and why it's important.

When we ran into some lying with our dd, I got a bunch of books from the library about honesty, and truthfulness and lying. They are written for kids, so I think it was affective.

If he was my son i wouldve had him clean out his whole room and specially under the bed. or i wont just bring ANYMORE of that kind of sweets into my house. or i WILL clean out his room and the only think that would be in ther is a desk a bed and closet and two pics on the wall.