Lost Closeness W/siblings After Parents Passed

I lost my dad at 19 and my mom when I was 27, 3 years ago. I have two brothers... One younger and one older. My older brother started disconnecting when my dad passed and then when my mom passed, he was out of there. He only lives a half hour away and its sad because my kids are his kids' only cousins but I only hear from him when I reach out. My younger brother and I were always close too but it seems that the glue that held us all together is just gone. It breaks my heart. My younger brother does come around from time to time when he needs something usually emotional support. In that way, I've almost become like a mom figure to him. My younger brother even had my older brother as his best man in his wedding this past July but after all the festivities and he did his part, barely anything from him since. even when i had surgery, i didnt hear a word. you would think after losing people, it would make you closer but in my situation it hasnt. i think about it every day especially with the holidays coming up and it saddens me. i hope your situation turns out differently than mine.. All you can do is keep reaching out. The rest is up to them. Hugs.

It's funny how a lot of our information comes second hand relayed from our parents. I didn't realize this until everyone got cell phones except for my parents and my brothers and I started texting each other all the time. Set up new traditions. Have your siblings over for bbqs or holiday parties. Skype those who can't attend. You have to be the one to reach out and hopefully your sibs will catch on and reach out to others too.

Yes. It's been 5 years since my last parent passed and my sister disappointed me tremendously during the process of their declining health. My brother just moved on. We are cordial but no visits, calls etc. He'll occasionally e-mail me but that's it. Pretty lonely. Never got better. The dynamics just change....

Is this only after both parents died or did it start after one died? I am curious because I just lost my mom a few weeks ago. I feel closer to my brother and his wife now, my only sibling. However, we still have our dad. So for people who have experienced what you are experiencing I'm wondering if it's related to losing one parent or losing both.

ETA: I think you are ALL grieving and that you might benefit from a support group or counseling. I say this as someone just beginning the grief process, reading lots of books and considering the same for myself. Good luck.

I actually got closer to my brother after my father died. We were always close, and losing our dad brought us even closer.

Relationships are work. You and your siblings should work on your relationship. Don't make assumptions or be stand offish. Let your feelings be made known by speaking your truth with love. Everything isn't always the way we paint things and sometimes we each felt the same thing but because it wasn't talked about things just drifted apart unneccessarily.

Mend the fence or build a bridge. Work on the relationship which takes time and healthy interaction.