My daughter (age 7) was and is so mellow...I always felt like such a stellar Mom. With my five year old, I feel like it'll be a miracle if we both survive till his next birthday. I feel like all my posts on here have something to do with him (just a side note - I don't ever talk negatively about him where he could ever hear - I don't want a self-fulfilling prophecy thing going on). Anyway - I feel like we get past one struggle...only to move on to another. He's always struggled with sleep. It hasn't been quite as big a deal until recently. He started Kindergarten today (which he loves, had a great day)...and I've been waking him up earlier this past week or so, so that he can get used to the schedule. I was hoping that because I was waking him up earlier...he'd naturally be more tired come bedtime (makes sense, don't you think?). I feel like I turn into a witch by the time he eventually stays in bed and goes to sleep! I've tried earlier bedtimes, we do have a simple routine that we more or less start shortly after dinner, we read for a long time, he seems sooo nice and relaxed by the time it's actually time to go to sleep...but it's like this inner "anti-sleep" beast wakes up the minute the bedroom lights go out - not exaggerating here - he goes from calm and relaxed to instantaneously hostile and wired!! My husband works nights (I always vowed we'd never do that...but he had open heart surgery due to a congenital heart defect and when he was physically able to return to work...that was what was available...we just couldn't afford to be picky.) My point in mentioning that is simply, that I am doing it alone. I know mom's are doing it alone all over...I just feel so frazzled and exhausted. I know I need to not engage, I know my frustration is negative attention that is still attention, etc. etc. I do fine initially, I'm firm, but calm, simply put him back in his room, etc.I feel totally in control, I feel good about how I'm handling things...but once 10 pm comes around...I just don't have it in me anymore. I feel totally emotionally spent...I start getting short and irritated with him and I feel like I've just totally killed ALL my efforts at a nice, calm, relaxing bedtime routine. I want bedtime to be a positive experience...we read, I rub their backs and sing songs...I really enjoy bedtime with them. Then everybody else falls asleep...and he's still up and repeatedly coming out. I guess my question is two-fold...I'd love suggestions on how to help him fall asleep earlier...but I also would love any suggestions on how you handle similar situations. If you could please be a little gentle in your responses...I'm exhausted, near tears, and feeling like a horrible mother as it is...I'm trying my best...I don't need someone telling me how bad I am at it :(.
I know only a few people have responded so far...but I just want to thank you guys...especially for being kinda 'gentle'...most days I can handle...and even appreciate the harsher comments...tonight is just not one of those nights! :) I'll update the 'so what happened' section again...when I actually have something else to put down.
**Update: Thank you all again...I will look into the book someone recommended...I have tried earlier bedtimes...as early as 7...the only part of our bedtime routine that can be remotely long is the reading...and that depends on how long it takes them to get ready for bed...if they get ready for bed quickly...we have a longer time to read books (45 minutes or so)....if they dilly dally doing teeth, pj's, etc., then it's shorter (15 minutes or so). I'm trying to think of what some of the other comments were :p. I wish they'd have it so I could see all the comments as I'm typing my update! Thing is, I'm more upset at home I'm handling it...then the fact that he's up at 10:00. I'm upset that I'm letting it get to me...that my cool, calm mama disappears :p. Oh, somebody suggested leaving the lights on - he shares a room - that's why that wouldn't work. We also lost the nightlight recently (I keep telling him to leave it plugged in! :p) The days have also been getting shorter, so it's darker when he lays down. Anyway...I'm feeling a lot more motivated to tackle tonight...if anybody is curious how it turns out, I will try to post an update in a day or two and let y'all know how things are progressing!
**update: doubt anybody is still there to read this...but since I said I'd post another update...things are going much better! He went from falling asleep at 11:00...to falling asleep at 10:00...last night he fell asleep between 9 and 9:30 :).
I am right there with you. My guy is 3 and just lately has been pulling out all the stops. His room is right next to his baby sister so letting him scream is not an option. I don't have any advice just know you're not the only mama ready to pull her hair out at night!
you are NOT a bad mom and if someone tells you so you should just tell them where to stick it!!!!! i really dont have any suggestions, other than to just remain consistent, which you seem to be doing already. is there a punsihment or consequence for his getting up? i would suggest if there is favorite toy or activity etc that he truly really loves then take that away until he has a week of good bedtimes, then let him have whatever is was back. if the bad bedtimes start back up then start over with the routine.
i dont suggest locking his door as that is a major safety hazard in case of fire. good luck!!! and again, please dont feel bad, we all have issues that make us just want to cry!!! i have a 2 1/2 year old and 9 month old twins, I am starting to have a lot of those days where i just want to cry.....
You poor thing :((
Just a thought, could he actually be overtired at bedtime, which for some kids gets them "wired" and unable to lay still and go to sleep? TV or video games can give a "wired" effect as well, so stopping them before dinner for the night is helpful.
Not sure how long his bedtime routine is taking, but if it's longer than an hour long from his bath to going to bed it's too long, might be time to tweak it. It sounds like maybe instead of being the relaxing routine to him that you want it to be it's entertainment time, hence he gets 'hostile and wired' when it's time to sleep. The routine is to get him relaxed, everything should be quieting and slowing down preparing him to go to sleep.
Get a dimmer for his room so the lights are low while reading and you can turn them dimmed almost all the way down for him to go to sleep or off when you leave the room. Speak in "quiet" voices only after dinner and while reading, don't sing anything but quiet songs, or do the singing while he bathes. Rub him down with baby nighttime lotion to help him relax.
He's old enough to understand that he gets into bed and stays there, whether he's asleep or not. He can lay there quietly until sleep comes, getting up is not allowed (it "disturbs everyone else who's sleeping and isn't fair to them") except once for potty (allow him to have a sport bottle with water by his bed to nip that excuse.) Get him a cool nightlight so he can see constellations on his ceiling while laying in bed, this one stays lit about 45 minutes:
http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Twilight-Constellation-Night-...
Tell him he's a big boy now that he's in kindergarten and needs his sleep so he can do everything at school. I honestly think as the year progresses he'll be more involved in school and will settle down some, I hope so for your sake!
Don't engage him.
You might consider an earlier bed time for him. He might be overtired.
Make a chart and show him that every time he stays in his room for the night without coming out once, he'll get a sticker. After 10 stickers, you have a special treat for him. (Think of something little like ice cream for dessert or a trip to the park... you know...) Before you turn off the light, tell him that it is bed time. Tell him that he is not to come out of his room.
And when he does...
Just take him by the hand and put him back in there.
Do this as many times as you have to.
Don't talk to him.
Don't get him a drink.
Don't even look him in the eye.
Just take him by the hand and haul his butt back to bed.
LBC
I read recently that a small baked potato eaten shortly before bedtime induces a good nights sleep.....skin has to be eaten too. If he likes baked potatoes give it a shot.
I would have gone crazy if my kids were still up at 10pm so I'm sure you are frazzled.
If it were me, I think I would just get strict and say "lights out and don't come out of your room".... Mine would have received a swat for disobeying. He's 5 yrs old, if all of his night time needs have been met there is no reason for you not to demand that he stay in bed. Take control Mom.
OK if it's any consolation it's not any easier with two of us trying to get our 5 year old to bed. Over the last two years we have struggled and recently (don't want to jinx myself here) our daughter has responded very well to playing up the big girl thing."I need your help big girl in getting yourself to bed". We're going on three weeks here and she seems to take pride in doing her part as a big girl. I told her how tired mommy was and how hard it is to get things done because I'm so tired; but it would be a big help for mommy if she went to bed early so mommy can get sleep and be happier.
My husband had tried so many things like sleep inducing foods at dinner, playing soft relaxing music to get her to dose herself to sleep, prizes for going to bed without a fuss for some many days, etc..
Also, recently she went from taking a nap during the day to no nap (this may have been the biggest factor in her energy level). I also noticed that we have a small window in which to get dinner and bedtime routine in or she loses her drive. She'll go straight into meltdown mode.
I wish you so much luck and hope you find your son's motivation to cooperate.
Please read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It has helped me so much with both of my childrens sleep issues. It sounds like he is overtired and may need a much earlier bedtime.
I remember those days when my son would be up and awake in what I would call the danger zone hours. He had invaded my me time. My horns would grow and I would become the raging momma from hell.
What did I do? A host of things, I have an arsenal in my bag of tricks.
Often I could get lavendar to work. I would sprinkle a few (2-3) drops of lavendar essential oil onto his pillow before his bath.
When I put him down, I would tell him. He can stay up as long as he wants be the lights must stay off and he may not leave the room (the key here is using the bathroom before bed and limiting liquid intake before bed). If he got out of bed, I would say a thing to him just usher him back. When you don't talk to him, there is not room for negotiating and no reward of contact except getting ushered back to the room.
Also, hooking up a radio playing soft classical music worked too. I could set it up that it would play only for 30 minutes. He would be sleep in 15.
Give these a try. He will grow out of this stage.
oh mama....the good thing is you're not alone :) i get mean momma at bedtime too...after the first couple instances of him getting out of bed (mine is 5) there have been times i have just shouted at him, "GO BACK TO BED." and he goes stomping off crying and i hear him in there pitching a fit. it's just repetition. and i think they go through phases when they fight it more - and that's when you have to get firm again. get him back in the habit of going to sleep. i might give him one time of getting out of bed - and that's "supposed" to be just for going potty. he's not "supposed" to "have something to tell me", which is my son's big excuse. but after that i am not nice. 99% of the time it's stalling. it's not like they are 2 and learning all this stuff for the first time....they know. and you will be okay. just hang in there. kindergarten is a big adjustment and he will take awhile to get settled in. good luck! (and i agree with the mama that discouraged locking the door- you don't want him a prisoner. you want him to go to bed because you said to. that will just open a whole other can of worms)
Ok, maybe this is a stupid question or I'm taking you to literally, but what happens if you leave the bedroom lights ON? If he'll sleep with the lights on I'd let him!
