Loosing the Sleep Battle

Personally my 2 yo would still be in a crib. Was he a climber?
Do they share a room (the 2 & 4 yo?) Have you tried a book on CD for them to listen to? I know it's miserable. Good luck!

I hear from your request that you are really uncomfortable without your accustomed control. Sounds like you probably have a couple of things working against you, J..

1. Scheduling, as glorious as it can be when it works, has its "dark side" – people who depend on it may have a harder time rolling with disturbances. And young children, with their changing needs as they develop, are TFDoS's (Totally Fabulous Disturbers of Schedules).

2. Your first two kids starting out as good sleepers may have given you some "irrational exuberance" about babies' potential to sleep well. Consistent good sleep is more the exception than the rule in the first two years, so your expectations may be a little unrealistic.

And your recent move is, indeed, a drastic change for your kids. Probably more so if they are used to predictability (that's possibly another little shadow cast by the habitual tight schedule). Your kids may still feel a bit lost and uncertain about their new surroundings, resulting in emotional over-stimulation and/or anxiety.

Here's a technique that worked very well with my grandson during two moves in his first three years: One of his parents (or me) spent a great deal of "happy" time in his new bedrooms, playing with him, snuggling him to sleep, and when he got a big bed, actually lying down with him and singing, reading books, and stroking his head. I've also heard of parents making up their own little beds in their kids' rooms for campouts.

Adding value to the children's space this way can really help the kids relax and enjoy their own space. You can also let them have some control over how their rooms are arranged or decorated, which will further make the space more personal and attractive to them.

I hope you all come through this soon. It is nerve-wracking and exhausting to be thrown into new patterns and schedules, especially with three littles at once. Do your best to relax your expectations and treat the changes as a new adventure, for all of you. Your children will be taking their cues from you, and if you are feeling tense and emotionally stressed, they will be, too.

There's a really, really, really great book you might find helpful called Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, by John Gottman. I can't help but think of his wisdom when I read your request. I have also found wells of deep and practical wisdom in The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

My best to you all.

When my then two year old fought me on the naps, I stopped naps and I put his bedtime earlier (7:30). I don't know what I expected but I found that our problems were fixed. Not only did I not have to fight him at naptime but he went to bed faster and better than ever before.

Good luck. Your problem is certainly not a fun one to have.

For starters 7pm to 7am is 12 hours. My daughter, 2 yr 8 mo) sleeps from 8 pm to 10 am. (14 hours) My 4 1/2 year old son sleeps from 8 pm to 7 am (11 hours). Both take a 2 hour nap. Bedtime and nap time are enforced. My daughter is gated into her room to keep her in during those times. My 4 year old is punished if he does not stay in the bed. Perhaps your boys don't need as much sleep as they did before. Try moving bedtime to 8 or 8:30. My son does not always sleep during his nap, but is required to stay in his bed till his sister wakes. I enforce this with him mostly because I know that nap time is mandatory in K-4 and K-5 when he starts school in a few weeks and if he is in the habit of it, he will not cause the teacher grieve at nap time. My daughter does take her naps every time. My son does occasionally lie in bed and talk to himself or an imaginary friend for up to an hour at bedtime. That's fine as long as my 9 year old is not complaining and he does stay in bed.

As far as the 2 year old. Don't allow him in your bed. When he comes to your room, physical remove him back to his room. Or you can put a gate at his doorway to keep him there. If you give in and allow him in your bed you will have war getting him out later. Don't give in now and save yourself the war later.

As for the 8 month old, I assume that he is eating cereals by now. My pediatrician recommended feed my oldest cereal before bed at night because it would weigh heavy on his stomach and make him drowsy. Studys show that it is not true, but it worked for me. He started going right to bed and sleeping the night through. You might try it for several nights and see if it works for you.

I know that moving to a new home can disrupt a childs schedule and make things hard. Just continue following a schedule and enforce it in a no nonsense way and they will gradually settle back to it.

Here is a Web page that tell how much sleep you can expect of a child at various ages. http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children

According to this chart, it looks like you may requiring too much sleep of you boys (2 -4) with the 12 hour night + the 2 hour nap. And I am requiring to much of my 4 year old as well. I will see about correcting that. My daughter sleeps more that required to, but since she is actually sleep and not just laying in bed I am not going to change her schedule. She is anemic and we are currently treating that. Anemia causes a child to sleep more and if it's bad can cause sluggishness. She is not sluggish anymore, but she does still sleep alot. This has been an issue most of her life, but my mom is anemic as well and has had to take iron supplements most of her life. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does she will.

Anyway, I hope this helps you sort the the sleep problems.