Looking for Other Mom's Advice

I have a kid who can't take disappointment who is now 30 months and my 2 cents is that they have to learn to control their emotions and it takes a lot of practice. I know some kids who threw one or two tantrums and were done. Mine has thrown a hundred but she keeps getting better at handling herself. I have to provide the boundary though so she can learn plus we also give her advance warning of diappointments we know are coming (like we have to leave the playground). She especially latched onto "one more time." Very important to not lie tho because it prolongs their distress. Do what you say you are going to do and they learn!

Hi S., I had a friend who's otherwise sweet 2 year old baby girl had fits similar to yours, and would SPIT ON and BITE whoever was near, too... Needless to say she was concerned like you! She basically just outgrew the behavior. Mom dealt with her lovingly but firmly during the fits. She didn't allow her to 'harm" other people, but she also didn't make too much of a big deal about it, that way she didn't reinforce the behavior. If your pediatrician says he's fine, he probably is! "This too shall pass..." Hope this helps. :)

I am not a psychologist, and I am a first time mom myself....but maybe instead of telling him no, you should ask him what is wrong and see if he can use his words to tell you why he is angry??? Or maybe you could watch Nanny 911 and use some of their techniques. I watch a lot...my son is not to that stage yet, he's only 9 mos. but I'm sure we will be there one day. I hope this helps.

My son has just turned three and began doing the same thing around 22 months. I work for a pediatrician and have been told all kinds of things to do. But the best book I have read is "Try and Make Me" which one of the pediatricians I work for told me about. She read it when working with her children. I got it at Borders. Good luck....it will get better!

Your email caught my eye, as my name is S. too, I also live in Irving, and I have a twenty one month old boy! Coincidence! :)

I don't think what you described is all that odd. Thomas has been demonstrating similar behaviors. It's quite fun. Especially in public.

Good luck!

S.

Hi S.!
I am the mom of 4 (ages 9 to 19 months) and a pediatric RN.
Your child behavior is VERY normal! When throwing a fit I would firmly place the child in "time out" (you can use the crib, a chair facing the wall, or my favorite is a small rug I purchase at the dolar store. The rug can be moved from room to room to accomidate me! Anyway the biggest thing about time out is to NOT pay attention to the child for the short time they are there. At this age no more than 90 seconds. I usually place them in time out and say very firmly "No, we don't throw fits, you will sit here now" or something like that. Afterwards I love on thme and tell them again what I disliked about their behavior but what I love about them.
I also give my kids a place to be angry. We have a large stuffed Tiger that is ok to yell at and to punch. Kids DO get angry, the thing is to teach them appropriate ways to deal with the anger.
I promise you 20 month old will get it and understands way more than she lets on!
Please fell free to e-mail me with any further questions or if you want any suggestions for good books!
D.
____@____.com

Ahhhh, S.... sounds like you are arriving at the 'Terrible Two' stage. They don't call it that for nothing. It doesn't sound abnormal, although unchecked it could develop into something worse. He is figuring out how to react to disappointment. I have 3 three year old boy and what usually works with him in a trantrum is not letting him get a way with it. He is wanting some sort of attention when he does this. What you can do is go over, get down on his level, look him in the eyes and explain to him why he can't do what it is he wants to do. If he starts to kick or scream, hold him tightly in a bear-hug until he calms down. Empathize with him on his disappointment and don't discount his feelings. He will feel as if he has your undivided attention and sympathy as he works through his feelings. I know this may sound silly and especially difficult to do if you're upset or angry as well, but it has worked on my son in many cases (esp. in public melt-downs).
Hope this helps. Good luck!

S.,
I have three sons and although I'm not sure how intense these "fits of rage" are, it may be normal. One of our boys did something similar. He would throw himself on the floor. We actually ignored him. No time out, didn't give in, we walked away. Once he figured out that it didn't work, it stopped. It did take a short time, but he's a well-behaved 6 year old now. Good luck, I hope things work out.

I had the same problem with my son, but it started a little earlier. He did get worse as he got older. I tried everything and he would have his good and bad days ( like he was on a roller coaster). My son has been to many doctors trying to figure out the porblem and has been diagnosted with thing he dont have. I am not saying this is your sons problem, but from my expierence this is how it started. If you son has had many ear infections then I highly recomend you to contact a doctor that can test his inner ear. My son is 6 and we havwe been dealing with his problem for more than 4 years and just found out what the problem is and for him it is called Sensory Integration Disorder. If you would like to know more dont hesitate to email me at ____@____.com or call me at ###-###-####. I will be happy to tell you more.
Thanks for your time.

I would say that your little one feels a loss of control and that is why he is filled with rage. the key to getting through this is for you to reamain in control of your emotions and keep CALM! When he does this, say in a very calm voic, "I am so sorry that you have decided to throw this, now you will need to sit in time out." Then, very smoothly take him to time out showing NO EMOTION other than empathy. THese are the tools of the book, Love and Logic, and have been proven to be very helpful.

I hope I ahve helped! Hang in there ... sometimes this age is more difficult than the "terrible twos" so be glad tht you are getting over it early!

M.

S. -

I am pretty sure it's just normal toddler behavior. I have a 22 month old and his behavior sometimes shocks me and makes me think I am really bad at parenting! Although it's normal, it's not to be tolerated. My son was hitting and throwing (at us, at our dogs). Our pediatrician recommended that when he do this, we yell real loudly, "Ow! You hurt mommy!" or something like that. The intent being to startle him.

It worked. He would suddenly stop and just stare at us. We didn't back down and just said a few times Ow, Ow...then he would get tears in his eyes and start crying (that was sad and hard), and then we'd hug and all would be forgiven and forgotten. It took several weeks of this, but I'm happy to say that now it only happens occasionally and when it does he almost immediately just stops himself and comes and gives a hug.

Not sure if that method is helpful to you...I was very surprised something so simple could work. But more importantly, it IS normal toddler behavior. :) Good luck!

S.