Looking for Advice on Sleeping Habits

Oh, you brought back some memories. My youngest also slept on my chest. It was comforting to the both of us. I would let him sleep on my chest and when I knew he was in a deep sleep, I would very carefully place him on the bed next to me. When he woke up, I would just rub his back until he went back to sleep. After a while, he wouldn't wake up at all. Then, I moved him into his own room. That worked for me.

How old is he? I think it depends what age he is, how you should respond. A WONDERFUL book on sleeping is, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It has helped make both my kids great sleepers.

I went through the same thing with my daughter. Her crib was in our room till she was about seven months old, and we'd always let her lay with us to fall asleep as we watched TV. We decided it was finally time to give her her own space (and take ours back!) and moved her into our extra bedroom. It took about three weeks of bedtime-battles to get her into the new routine.

Instead of letting her fall asleep with us, we'd cuddle/rock with her until JUST before she was asleep. Then we'd lay her down in bed and let her cry/scream at us for about ten minutes. When we laid her down, we told her we'd be back in ten minutes to check on her (I know she can't understand us, but it made me feel better to tell her) :P Then, after the ten minutes, we'd go back in, hold her for about two minutes or so, and lay her back down once she was calm. We went in three times the first week, two the second, and only one the last week. After that, she just got the hang of it.

Try to not give a bottle or sippy cup to calm him down. I did that with my oldest and REALLY regretted it. Took me till he was two to wean him of that habit.

Don't take it personally when he does the "how could you do this to me" cry. It's just something new and he needs to get used to it. It won't happen in just one week. Be ready for a few more sleep-deprived nights, but it will get better as long as you're consistent. That seems to be the trick with kids. :) Good luck!

It sounds like you don't mind having him sleep with you, is there a reason that you decided to stop? My DS is 4yo and still sleeps with us and since the situation works well for all of us we figure that he'll want his own bed or own room eventually and until it becomes a problem we'll just continue to have a family bed. My opinion is that you should just do whatever you think works best for your family without worrying about what other people say you should do.

If you want to transition him into a crib in his own room, maybe you could try first transitioning him into his crib in your room. Then when he's okay, slowly move the crib a little bit each night towards the door, out the hall into his own room. It sounds like you've both had a lot of changes lately (husband's deployment, moving) which can be stressful even for babies so maybe you could try having him sleep with you until things settle down, then try the crib again. Even babies who sleep great in cribs by themselves have trouble when they're sick or teething so all these things combined might be too much for your DS to handle all at once. Good luck!

My little girl was sleeping through the nights in her own crib since she was very young, so I'm not sure if what I say will help with your child depending on the age... But I read a lot of great books on the subject and kind of meshed a lot of the good ideas into one to find what seemed to make sense for my family. A HUGE relief was to check on her in a systematic way when she was crying for me in the other room. After soothing her and leaving her in her crib at night, if she began to cry for me, I would wait 5 minutes, then go in and sooth her WITHOUT picking her up, but rather by touching her/petting her/singing to her/turn on her light show and soothing her while she was still laying in her crib. When she calmed, I would leave the room. If she began to cry again, I would wait and re-enter this time after a ten minute wait, then 15, then 20.... By eventually going to her, she found that she wasn't abandoned. I know some people disagree with letting your baby cry and I understand that, although I thought that letting her learn to sooth herself to a degree would only prove to aid her as she sought for independence in her life and she and I both deeply needed sleep (I could not fall asleep with her in the bed with me--I wish I could being that I nursed). She began sleeping through the nights after three nights (and she never cried longer than 45 minutes total--although I've read the older they get, the more resistant they can be).
Some methods written advise sitting in the room with them until they fall asleep by calming them with your presence and each night you move your chair closer and closer to the door until you reach the door--then you no longer stay with them.
Just some thoughts... I'm not sure if this style is your cup of tea though. It sure is precious when they fall asleep on you.
J.

It is going to take time. My 3 year old still sleeps with us because we didn't break the habit. With our second son we started to break him by rocking him to sleep and then laying him on his tummy( thats the only way he will sleep. I did it and I am still alive :) ) I usually had to stand there for a minute with my hands on his sides so he could still feel me. when he was good and a sleep I would leave. When he woke up I would give him his nuk and hold his sides again but never take him from his crib.

Hello J.,

My name is C. and I am new to the group. I just want to give you a pat on th back and a hug. Tell you to be strong. I had a very similar problem with my youngest son when he was a baby. I can say for certain that the longer you keep this up the harder it is going to be and the more noise they make the older they get.

I would cry, I was so tired all the time, I was literaly walking into walls, being up 2 or 3 times a night with my son. This went on for over 2 years. By the time he was 2 yrs old he was climbing out of his bed and into mine.

I know you are looking for advice and there is not going to be a simple solution. I would strongly suggest that maybe continue to rock your baby and when he is getting to the point of being asleep then you put him to bed. Play a lullaby cd set to repeat. This seems to be working pretty good for my 2 1/2 yr old grandson.

It could be some seperation anxiety. Whenever my kids would get in the habit of sleeping with me it would take several nites to get them used to sleeping alone again. One thing that worked really well for me is: Wear a night shirt to bed for several nights so it really smells like you. Then put it in your sons crib with him. He will smell you and may be tricked into thnking you are there. The smell will dicipate as the days go on and he may slowly be weaned from your scent for comfort.

I definately agree with the Hyland's Teething Tablets!! They are absolutely wonderful!! Work great without drugs.

As for the sleeping, the best thing would be to get him used to it slowly. He's out of his routine, and in a new place, so give him some time. He'll get back into synch and everyone will be happy. Babies love routine!

my son also was sleeping with me has i took that as comfort for me.. as i was a single mother when he was born.. he slept with me for the frist year.. and sometimes after that.. we till take naps with each other.. i say just get up with him in the nite and tell him your there and that everything is ok.. might be hard on him with all the moving around and daddy being gone.. and then moving to another place.. just give it time and keep your head up high.. im sure he will get use to it.. good luck

I spent so much time with my first son feeling guilty because he was sleeping with us and wouldn't sleep in his own bed. I felt like a total failure as a parent. One night I finally let him cry until he puked all over himself and his bed because so many people told me that I needed to let him "cry it out." After that experience, I decided to quit listening to everyone else and do what I knew was right in my heart. My first son is now 3.5 and sleeps in his own bed with no troubles. I believe in my heart that the reason he sleeps so well now is because I decided not to listen to everyone else who told me he just needed to "cry it out." In my opinion, by letting him cry himself out every night, I would just be teaching him that I am not always going to be there when he needs me. My son is now totally confident that if he wakes up and needs me, I'll be there, because I always have been.

I now have a 14 month old who spent the first 9 months of his life sleeping with me and my husband in our bed. He now sleeps, most of the time, in his crib in our room. Just this morning, I got up with him at 3am because he was crying and brought him into bed with us where he was sleeping soundly with my husband when I left for work at 7:30. Yes, there have been a couple of times where I've left him in his crib and let him fuss a little before he fell asleep. But I never let him reach a point where he is crying hysterically. He is not going to be sleeping in our bed forever, and I could spend 2 hours trying to get him back to sleep in his own bed or listen to him scream for 2 hours not being able to sleep myself, or... I can get up, pick him up and enjoy the experience of having him snuggle into my arms in the bed.

The only exception to this advice would be if you are such a sound sleeper that you would not be aware if you son woke up, got out of bed and then injured himself on something in the room. In that case, it is probably safer to have him in a crib for his own safety. But I have never met a mother who didn't wake instantly over every little sound their baby made.

My advice in all areas with your baby is this... You do what YOU think is right. It is your baby. You spend more time with him than anyone else. And no one else has to live with your baby or the behavior that may present itself if you follow their advice. Thank people for their advice, consider it, and then do what YOU think is best.

Hey J.! You didn't say how old your son is, but I'm guessing not too old since he's teething. I wanted to let you know you're not alone in co-sleeping with your kid. We co-slept with our son (who's now almost 3) from the beginning. He also fell asleep on my chest and slept there soundly for about 6 months when he finally got too heavy and slept right next to me. It was the best situation for us (he was sick when he was very little, etc.), but we always felt like we needed to get him into his own bed.

He actually slept in his crib 1 night. Period. He slept with us until he was ready for his toddler bed. Then we got him into his own bed in our room, then finally have transitioned him into his own room - but it was his choice. Don't feel badly about cosleeping if it works for you. You aren't warping your child (at least not in my opinion), but you are bonding with him, teaching him that he is safe while he's sleeping and building healthy sleep habits. Just my opinion though! I strongly believe that you've got to do what works for you & your kid.

That being said, when we worked with getting Chase into his own sleeping space, we found that a consistent routine that we could all live with was the only way to go. Bedtime at the same time every night, same routine (bath, stories, songs, sleeping). We never let him cry it out (I just couldn't do it), but we wouldn't go right to him when he fussed. We'd give him a minute or 2 to try to work it out, but we always went to him fairly quickly. Cry it out doesn't make sense to me - it seems like it just teaches your child that sleeping is lonely and isolating. Not what I wanted my kid to learn.

I know my beliefs won't necessarily be popular, but it worked for us. My nearly 3 year old sleeps in his own bed, in his own room all night, puts himself to sleep, soothes himself back to sleep and has a healthy attachment to both of his parents. I feel like he has a healthy attitude about sleep because we worked through sleeping separation more at his pace. I know lots of parents who have their kids sleeping in cribs in another room from day 1 - I admire that, but it just didn't work for us.

Good luck - I hope I helped some, even if you just know that you aren't alone!

I really hate letting them "cry it out!" My son falls asleep on me (he's 3 months) and I love it too. But I started to realize that I can't do this forever or I will be in trouble when he's 2! So two weeks ago only at nap time (I am at home 4 days a week during the day and I told my daycare provider to do the same.) I started to put him in bed awake. To start out I rock him a little, sing a song, let him get nice and sleepy (but not sleeping) only for like 1 or 2 minutes depending on how sleepy he is to start. Then I put him in his crib and I put his blankie next to his face so he still smells me/himself. (I Know that's not reccomended due to SIDS, but it really works and once he's alseep I will move it away from his face.) If he gets mad or upset I will let him fuss (not cry) for 2 or 3 mintues then I will go in, give him his Nuk/Paci stroke his face if he's really mad till he stops crying and I leave again. I usually only need to do it once, but if I do it again, I will wait 5 minutes before I go in. I never let him really cry long enough to get mad - it's so much harder for him to settle down. That was 2 weeks ago, and now I dont' have to go in at all, and I've started just barely rockin him at all, I just stand in front of the crib and give him hugs and kisses for a few seconds and set him down. He turns his face into his blankie and goes to sleep! I LOVE IT! :) I am struggling to will myself to do it at night now, but I really love to cuddle once in awhile.

For you I would go really slow, if he's teething and moving in to a new environment - let him adjust to that first before you start something new (like a week..not too long). I hate the "letting the cry it out" I just think they get so scared becuase they are waiting for you and you don't come and the only reason they fall asleep is cuz they tire themselves out from crying so much! POOR BABIES!

Good luck, I hope my story/experience will help just a little bit! :) I always say go with your gut no matter what - if you love having him sleep on you and can't let go - don't! Wait another couple of weeks or more and try again...babies are only little cuddly things for 12-15 months before they want to go go go! Soak it up while you can! :)

First of all, don't be hard on yourself. You did the best you could with your situation. Your son needs you to feel good about yourself.

If he is teething try Hyland's Teething Tablets. You can find at Target, Walgreen's, Whole Foods.
http://www.hylands.com/products/teething.php

It's an abrupt change for your son to sleep on his own now. I wouldn't let me cry it out. It would be too big a shock. I read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" which gives you a gradual plan to changing his dependence on whatever your baby is used to for falling asleep. Using this plan my baby went from 4 night wakings to 1 in a matter of days. You son needs to adjust to the new situation. Be patient. It's a lot of work, but he'll get there.

Good Luck, P.

with my daughter i let her lay on my chest when she was little...and there is nothing wrong with that....i am a parent who does not beleive that u should let ur child cry....if a child is crying they need somthing...its there way of communicating to u....and youll know the distinction in the cries.....let him lay with u...eventually u both will know when the time has come....my daughter is now 5 and somtimes she climbs in the bed with me til this day sometimes in the middle of the night i tell her to go back toher bed only because i dont feel like feelingher kicks in the night....but its ok...its not like its forever....J

Do not feel guilty!! It will get you no where!! haha...

Some people were giving me a hard time about still nursing in the night after my son was 1. One day I had my teeth cleaned and my hygenist (who had 4 kids) told me. "Enjoy every moment you have with them, soon they wont be babies anymore and waking up in the night."...she said "I got up with mine till they were even 18months old, they evenually stop on their own when they are ready."....
And that was good, comforting advice that I needed. They are only young for awhile. Defenetly do what you feel is right in your heart, that way you wont regret anything. Believe me, you will feel worse if you regret not going with your instinct just for the sake of what some book said.

My son is now three and sleeps through the night just fine. Sometimes I miss cuddling/nursing with him at night, and I dont regret all the times i went to him.
I agree...they will be confident children when they are older because they know you truly love them. :)

I just read a great book on this. A 10m old thought that a chest was her bed. It took the parents three nights to get her to sleep in her crib.. granted they didn't sleep much those three nights so you need to be commited to the idea.. sounds like a miracle right....

well, what they did is not let their baby cry it out. Instead they did their normal bed time routine and then put her in the crib before she was asleep. Then everytime that she cried, they would go in to comfort her (after about 30seconds to 3 minutes.... ) and then after she stopped crying, they placed her back in the crib. I guess it took them 132 times (they counted) the first night of picking her up or patting her back and then putting her back to sleep. The second night it turned into around 40 times and the third it lasted around 15 and then by the fourth night she did really well. I guess this only works if you are persistant and do not go back to having him sleep on your chest or in your bed after the 20th time when you both are dying to sleep.

Another option is to take baby steps and just start with falling asleep in the crib and then if he wakes in the middle of the night, you can take him with you until he gets better at sleeping through the night.

There are lots of good books at the library about this too!