Looking for Advice for a Child with an IEP and Homework Issue

I would not have liked the way that was handled by the teacher - but that's yet another reason why I homeschool (though my son is now dual enrolled at community college and doing great).

You may have read more meaning into her message than she intended; she did say that she wants home to be "peaceful." That being said, she's not the one who will live the consequences of bad grades ultimately - he is. Mainly I want to know that my child is actually learning something. If you feel confident in that regard then I would let it go. Otherwise I'd start looking at other education options. But that's just me, the wild and crazy homeschooling parent (with a special needs, gifted student myself). :P

I think B is spot on. I believe you misinterpreted the use of the word "consequence" to mean a punishment as opposed to the fact that he needs more teacher or aide assistance in completing the tasks.

You stated that: "I feel like it's our responsibility to make sure he completes his homework, if he is able to." Here's the thing: inasmuch as we want our kids to do the work, if the child doesn't understand the work, it's much better to send it back incomplete so the teacher is informed that the student needs more help.

The way I read it, I'm assuming that the 'consequence of not completing homework' is actually more likely to include better communication, helping your son advocate for himself *while in class* if he doesn't understand the assignment, helping him learn how to use his time better while at school. These are all positives. My response would be "thanks for your email; please let us know what we can do to support the teachers and school" and leave it at that.

I think you're reading into the response too much.
She's just saying 'don't worry about it'.
If there are assignments you can help with that's fine.
If there are assignments you can't figure out how to help with, it's fine to let that go and let his teachers deal with it.
Consequences of not doing homework (or finishing class work) mean they usually have you work on it during recess, study hall or some other time.
He can't just not do the work, right?
He's got to do it sometime.
The message just said that they will take care of it.
Remember, you all are on the same team - and the goal is to give your son the best education possible.

If homework is stressing out the family because it's not obvious what the instructions or goals are, it's time to set it aside and let the child ask the teacher about it. It's your responsibility to set aside a time and a study location for your child, but not to insist he stick with it when he cannot understand it. If you feel your child can't communicate the problem effectively, then you send in a note or an email saying that "Sean will be talking to you about why he had trouble with the homework. We spent an hour on it but he didn't get as far as he had hoped." By age 11, teachers expect kids to be able to communicate a bit on their own.

I like the teacher's response - they really don't want parents hovering and drilling kids. Sometimes that just gets more complicated because parents don't know what was discussed or how it was explained, and their questioning of the kid about what went on in class that precipitated this assignment can make things more stressful. The point of homework is to see what the kids know, and to get them to practice it or expand their skills.That's why it doesn't come home with a big set of instructions to bring the parents up to speed. It's just not a big deal if a kid has trouble with a particular assignment, IEP or no IEP. And by "consequence" I think the teacher meant "the result" not that there would be "consequences" as in punishment! If a child misses recess once in a while to work with the teacher or a paraprofessional to help make up for what he/she didn't understand, that's fine. It's not punishment - it's extra help. That sets the child up for good habits in high school, asking for and receiving extra help. I think the teacher wants you to let the relationship between teacher and child be the primary one. So I would have said, "Honey, just ask Ms. Jones to explain it in a different way to you. I'll bet you'll understand it just fine if you spend a few more minutes with her."

My son's current third grade teacher and his teacher last year did NOT want parents to get hung up and involved in the kids' homework. SHE wanted to know when the kids didn't get it because then she knew what they didn't understand and what she needed to work with them on. The consequences of not completing a homework assignment are that the teacher works with the child on mastering the concept. I suspect that is all your son's teacher meant.

As a parent of a child with a 504 plan, I'd also have been annoyed. You're asking for more clarity, not consequences when your child can't complete the work because they're unclear.

I would respond with something like, "Thank you for your response. I just want to clarify that our goal is to avoid incomplete homework (and the resulting consequences at school) through more clarity with any unique or challenging assignments. The more details you can provide to explain the assignments, the easier it will be for [our son] to avoid an anxiety attack and follow through."

ADD: Nervy Girl has some really good points about being able to (age appropriately) advocate for himself. It may actually HELP with his anxiety to know that he can do something about it. Perhaps talk to him when he's NOT feeling anxious and it's not a current issue, and ask him what he thinks might be a good idea to help this kind of thing not make him anxious.

ORIGINAL: What NewName said. I would have interpreted it the way you did. I'd make a note of this to add as an official accommodation to include at the next IEP meeting.

Perhaps ask the teacher if you can text or email in this kind of instance in the future. That way, she doesn't have to do additional work unless it's needed. Frame it as "how can WE make this EASY all around".

You did everything you could. I would not respond. It sometimes takes my son a week to complete homework. I sometimes have to staple it into his planner or walk into the school and make sure it gets delivered.
He has been reduced to tears during homework one day, and the next day he can get it done in 30 minutes. That's why he has the IEP-and the school is fully aware of what I do/what's going on at home.
I'm in the process of getting a respite worker that will come help with homework/take him outdoors to talk or get exercise. I'm hoping a new, fresh, helper will lesson his fears a little. Plus, I could really use a break every once in a while to re-group.

He might need more accommodations that the current IEP is providing. If it were me, I'd address this, in person, at the teachers next conference period so everyone can get on the same page. You might need another meeting to change the IEP.

I would respond to that email with a request for either teacher to please call me. It seems that some where, some one became confused about what your main concern was about the homework in text. The last thing you or your child needs is more frustration or "consequences" regarding this homework assignment. I agree it is your responsibility to make sure he completes his homework if he is able. They need to understand clearly that you were not focused on the outcome, merely that the directions were not clear.
Good Luck

what a lovely calm response to your rather hyperbolic demand vis-a-vis homework!
i think the most appropriate response would be to send flowers to the teacher.
khairete
S.

I would talk to the teacher directly and not rely on email so that you (and teacher) do not misunderstand the communication. I would have felt uncomfortable with the term "consequences" - does that mean other accommodations to help him get the assignment done or is there some type of "punishment" (no recess, poor grade) that your son will get because of the assignment not being completed. I did appreciate that the teacher wants homelife to be peaceful and to not add extra stress to your son or to you.

ETA:

Been thinking about how to clarify what I meant overall...sorry, it's been a really hard day and I'm still near tears. Stress has the upper hand right now.

I am meaning to say this.

"Teacher, son had some homework this past weekend. He had read the information and tried to do the assignment but was unable to follow the (instructions/steps to do/how to format his answers/etc... and he asked us if we understood the instructions and how he should proceed.

I read the instructions and found them to be incomplete (?) confusing (?) too hard to follow (?) (insert your own words that make your point).

In the future please consider that an adult with more than a highschool education couldn't follow the provided information and as a result our child didn't know how to do this assignment. Please try to put more specific instructions in the future".

*********************************************

I agree with the teachers. Really. They do need to handle this.

BUT I would say that his IEP needs to specifically address this. Call a meeting and put in the notes that if he has homework he needs to have complete information for you, not the child, but for you. So that you fully understand what is expected and all pertinent information so that you know what they've been studying about Egyptian times.

I have our boy do all his homework at school. He's in second so he's not as old as your boy but still, if they have ANY homework is almost always done before he leaves the school.

I do think that you need to be an advocate for your son and you're experienced doing this. You can make it part of his plan.

Visiting with the teacher and letting her know your experience isn't going to help. You aren't supposed to be helping him this much. He should understand the material and know what to do before he leaves school. Then he should be able to do this himself.

It's your job to teach him and work with him at home BUT sometimes kids need to do it how they do it then take the consequences of not doing it right or even at all. You may teach him differently than the teacher wants it learned. You might also just really make him hate education and school by being on his case at home over homework.

There is so much research showing that kids who do homework actually make lower scores on tests and overall they have lower grades. Kids who learn and don't have that stress carry over to their home do much better with that separation.