Hey J.. When I first read your letter my first thought was that you have already answered your own question. Many may respond to your letter with names and numbers of psyc doctors but I feel they are the problem. Psychaitrist only attempt to diagnose problems and only offer pharmasudical solutions, which in turn causes more intense and psycological problems due to serious side effects which can lead to suicide or death. Now isn't that ironic: how a drug used to treat depression has side effects that may cause worsening depression and thoughts of suicide? My opinion and solution to your situation, is spiritual cleansing. What I mean by that is taking exercises such as yoga or meditation. This method has nothing to do with religion but it helps you find and maintain inner peace. That spiritual balance will allow you to be calm, lowers your blood pressure and relieves stress through out the body. Find something that you enjoy doing such as reading, writing, gardening, music, and find your focal point. If you dont have a hobbie, then find one. You would be suprised how much tension and stress relief you can get from enjoying a hobbie or meditation. Now I'm not one to impose religion on anyone but just a thought: maybe try going to church and speaking with a christian or religious councelor. Many have found joy, relief and comfort from doing so. For me Ive suffured through depression most of my life, mostly hormonal, but I find great peace and less stress fom having done some of the things Ive mentioned previously. Now for the harsh reality: Depression will never completely leave you. You will experience it from time to time but you'll have the tools to get through it without the harmful effects of medications. You will even notice your symptoms before it consumes you and you will know some techniques that work to relieve your symptoms. Finally, change your diet. Foods that we eat to comfort our depression is making us worse. Try foods thats high in anti oxidants and rich in folic acid. Supplement your diet with Vitamins such as B12 and E as well as Omega3. You be will suprised how differently your mood changes for the better. I hope everything works out for you and your beautiful family, love yourself because you are awesome!