Look for Different Perspectives Oncommunication Specificaly Chrsitmas Lights

I like how blue and white look together.
Get some blue ground decoration(s) maybe like this:

http://www.kmart.com/energy-best-6%27-350-blue-led-light-...

It will balance the look.
Don't complain, just work with it!

I would put another blue decoration on the ground to balance it if it bothered me. Mine is so cheap he doesnt want to waste the electricity with lights. So, the kids and I put unlighted decorations out. I would be happy with any lights and have always preferred a lot of color.
If I drove by a house that had one strand of blue and the rest white I would still slow down so the kids and I could admire it. A lot of effort goes into decorating the house regardless of colors matching.
This is a time when we celebrate with ugly sweaters so go with it!! Move on and enjoy the holidays.

Let it go. It's got to be better than the tacky lighted deer with clear rope lights wrapped around them next to the light up candy canes that my husband put up.

This is a time to show yourself which is more important:

1. What the neighbors think of your Christmas lights

Or

2. An opportunity to support and back your husband

Oh sweetie!

Let me give you some perspective...

Pete was a bit of a perfectionist, so our first christmas together, we worked together to in stall the hooks for the lights he selected together. Over the years, and when he got sicker, I could still hang the lights he wanted by myself.

Since he died in april, I have moved to a new home. What I wouldn't GIVE to have him help me in my new digs.

I would be thankful that he hung them...and thank him profusely!

Just my perspective.

Oh my gosh I can't believe you actually said you would be embarrassed by the way your lights look. OMG!! No wonder you are having marital problems. You are too bossy, and you are afraid of what everyone thinks of you. How about that you just tell him you appreciate him putting his life in danger by getting up on a ladder to put lights on a 2 story house? He was doing that to please his family. Do you get that? We also have a 2 story and I cringe when my husband is way up there putting the lights up. Why can't you just try to love the lights the way they are, and avoid another fight? Because you know that's what will happen.

Get over it, lights are nothing compared to the reason we have Christmas. They seriously do NOT matter.

He made a mistake and he's just waiting for you to tell him what a failure he is and how he can't do anything right. So don't, just let it go. Then after the holidays you can accidentally donate that string of lights to the circle file.

May I be so bold as to beg you not to say anything?
Here's why..............it's not worth it in the big scheme of things.
When we are all dead and gone it will not matter if we had blue lights,
white lights or pink lights.
Try to let it go.
Try to focus on the good of the season (your health, your kids, your life,
your marriage etc.).
Wishing you all the best this holiday season has to bring!!!

My husband does this sort of thing all the time. Swallow your irritation, tell him it looks beautiful, and thank him for his effort with a big kiss. You'll get over the blue eventually, and a happy, appreciated husband makes for a much more pleasant Christmas than a string of white lights.

I'm surprised you're considering saying anything given the marriage issues you're dealing with. Being embarrassed seems a bit extreme to me, they're just Christmas lights, the whole point of them is to spread the joy of the holiday not show off how perfect your house is.

I would focus on strengthening your marriage and creating holiday memories with your family. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Family love trumps trendiness when it comes to Christmas lights. Don't say a thing to your husband except, "Thank you for putting the lights up."

To tell you the truth, I don't think anyone will knock on your door and shake a finger in your face for having lights that don't match. Have you noticed what sorts of light combinations people put up? Yours might be fine in comparison!

Showing this kind of grace to your husband means you're not gritting your teeth, and you're not being a martyr. You're enjoying the fact that your husband did this decorative thing for the house. Make the conscious choice to like it because your husband did it (even if it's the way you like a kindergarten painting because your child painted it). If anybody asks you why they're two different colors, you just say, "My husband likes it that way."

When you're working on a relationship, there are some things you just let go of - because, even though they might be good things, you're working on something even better.

If you think saying anything, even in a kind way, will upset him then let it go.
And this is coming from someone who cares very much about how her house looks.
You need to shift your priorities now, focus on being present and intimate, don't waste time getting upset with something as trivial as Christmas lights!

Ignore it. Say thanks for putting up the lights and not another word. Not ONE word about the blue ones. LET. IT. GO.

Yeah.. so it looks stupid. So what. There is not a thing you can say, not one, that won't SCREAM at him, "You screwed up!!!" if you so much as breathe a mention of blue. So don't. He knows. Maybe he will decide to change it on his own. Maybe he won't. Maybe next year he'll get more blue and do the whole thing in blue. Who knows?
But it isn't worth it to mention it. It just isn't.

I've seen stranger things. So don't worry. Even if a neighbor says something to him about it (you know, standing outside and they happen to walk by or something)... it will go over better than ANYTHING that YOU could ever come up with. Ever.

So just... don't.
Zip the lip and accept it for what it is. A man who was trying to do right, and goofed up, and is a little too prideful to mention it.
Who knows, maybe by the time he realized he had the wrong color, he also realized his time was running out to have his friend's help, and he just decided to get it done and be through. Not that he "liked" it. Ya know? Let him be done.

I would bet you, too, that he will be more careful about such things in the future. So there may be an upside yet... It's like with kids. You let them make mistakes and learn from them. But sometimes, stepping in and saying "what did you learn from this?" negates everything they would have taken away from it, if you'd only let them process it themselves and said nothing.

The fact that you're even focusing on this indicates that you haven't learned how to pick your battles.

Something to consider: Is that possibly one of the causes of the larger issues in your marriage? Is it possible that this is one tiny example of a bigger and ongoing problem where you don't pick battles and end up arguing over utterly minuscule things? Look for whether this example is actually part of a larger pattern.

If you and he are not getting counseling I'd suggest you get couples counseling. Meanwhile, say nothing about the lights other than "Thank you" and certain don't go replace them yourself as someone suggested. Can you see how he would take that totally as a slap at him?

I wouldn't have thought you were controlling by your post. That surprised me.

My reaction before reading your SWH is to let it go for this Christmas. If he doesn't know it looks bad, then next year you need to go buy the lights you want and give them to him. If he asks where the blue lights went, just tell him they ended up being tossed. (Or misplaced - you can intentionally misplace them at the end of the season this year.) If he knows that they look bad but won't fix it, then he's being passive/aggressive and that's the "not invested" part of working on your marriage.

You were really nice to him, by the way. If my house looked crazy with lights that weren't symmetrical, etc, I'd be pretty upset. Then again, I would have mapped out where the lights went in the first place with my husband, and he would have liked the input. It sounds like your husband might not like you talking about it with him. If I'm right about that, then perhaps he's the controlling one????

I wouldn't care. They are just lights and they'll be gone in a month. It's not like anyone is going to park in front of your house to point and laugh about blue lights mixed with white lights.

Move on.

This is the chance to say, I love people (your H) and use things (the lights).
Not I use people (to buy lights and climb on the house and put them up) and love things (the white lights).

Who knows. Maybe this will be one of those things, years from now, you will find yourself laughing about. Saying, remember when we were going through that rough patch and you put on the blue lights?

ETA: yeah, he does sound controlling. H could be like that at that age. Then the more someone pushes like that, the more you push back. It's natural for you to react like you do. My H used to buy the kids stuff he wanted. What in the world?! I would bet your H didn't get what he wanted for Christmas either. It's where he learned to dish out high level decisions without considering the emotions or likes of very people he buys for. Counseling, Hun. Before its too late.

Personally, given the tension between you anyhow, I would go out and buy some blue/white wreath or hanging outside ornament to make it all match. Done. Move on.

And don't forget to thank your hubby and ask him how much he likes the blue/white combo? And shall we do it again next year? Or go back to plain white?

WOW! Your SWH is a real eye opener...if what you say is accurate about his controlling behavior, then no wonder you are overreacting to blue christmas lights. Since you have no control in normal, regular areas that a wife/mother should have a say in, then you are transferring your lack of control onto this one area.

You seriously need to join a Co-Dependent support group or get some Life Coaching about how to voice your opinions so that they are heard and respected.

Your husband sounds strange and uber controlling to take over such things as shopping. So what if it he does it in less time. What if you are just enjoying the process of perusing the market aisles? There's lots to look over, new products are always being introduced, in-store sales are a bargain, etc.

Blue and white lights on the same house? Sounds like our area - we have a lot of Jewish folks in this township, so there are actually lots of houses that have blue and white lights to celebrate Hannukah. I think it's kinda pretty.

Anyway, I'd just thank hubs and let it go. It's temporary and there are WAAAY more important things to focus on. Plus have you SEEN some of the ridiculous stuff people decorate their homes with during the holidays? I cannot imagine your lights come anywhere near that.

Chances are, your hubs knows it's not ideal. But if things aren't going well right now for the two of you, he's probably waiting for you to say something, he'll use your negativity to start a fight or something and it'll all get blown out of proportion.

Seriously, don't say a word. If a neighbor says something, just reply with "we're trying something new this year" and leave it at that.

Remember, there are bigger problems than this. Don't light this fuse.

yup, i'd let this one go.
christmas lights are like flowers. even if they're not the ones you'd have planted, or in the place you'd like them to be, they're still purty.
save your energy for more important issues.
khairete
S.

Yup. Let it go. It's not worth it.

Maybe find some blue snowflakes to put down below, like Doc said.

Just embrace the cheesiness!

Wow.
Sometimes we just need to accept that Every. Little. Thing. Doesn't have to be under our control.
The lights are up.
Let it go.
Let this be HIS job every year.

Pick your battles. This is not one. It's only for December...you will be fine

Does he realize that blue and white lights are usually done by Jewish families for Hanukkah? It is just kind of funny that you are calling them Christmas lights.

Considering you are having issues, you are being a bigger person by not bringing it up. I agree with picking your battles and letting this one go until he decides to change them. Hanging the lights is not a 'fun chore' so this is another reason I would let is slide.

I would say nothing because saying anything will be criticism which any relationship can do with less of. Consider the blue lights a fresh direction, literally and figuratively. Also thank your husband for taking the initiative to buy and hang the lights.

Instead of looking at the differences you have with hubby look at the similarities. You both like to decorate for the holidays -- but you differ on the color choices. There is nothing wrong with blue lightsin one area and white in another. You could tie it all together by adding something blue and white to the decorations.
I don't see your behavior as negitive but controlling. Try to remember you can't have everything your way, compromise is the key to happiness.

I just wanted you to know the one string of blue lights would drive me batty, too! But after reading the many responses, I would just let it go and hopefully just have a chuckle to yourself every time you drive up and see them.

Why don't you say,

"I noticed you are trying out some new lights. Wow, I had never thought about Blue lights."

"Should I pick up more of them or are you not liking the blue lights? I will be happy to pick up some more white lights.
It seems like they should all be the same color,"

I think you are way too focused on the color of the lights. I'd let my house look "crazy" (I doubt it does) and focus on bigger things. Are you often this critical of your husband/family? If so, that is an issue unto itself that you should address. But leave the lights alone. He got them up. He didn't hang pumpkins. Maybe HE likes blue after all. It's really not that big a deal in the grand scheme. Last year half our icicle lights burned out and tried to electrocute my husband. I just told DH we'd look for a sale next year and I appreciated the effort. The exterior of my house is less important than what goes on between the family inside it.

ETA: if he is controlling, then I hope you are addressing this in therapy with him. A good counselor can help you re-balance your relationship.

There is already tension in the marriage. If you are truly trying to make things better then let this go. Go to the store and buy the correct lights so that you will have them ready for next year, heck buy a couple extra. And if he wants to hang the lights with his buddy, then let him, not sure why this bothers you.

save him the embarrassment and ask him if he planned on having two different lights put up? if he is still clueless, say wish we had clear ones only, looks better. fixing the rough patch between you two does not mean put up with everything.

If it were me-- I'd focus on what really matters. One Christmastime of lights you deem 'ugly' won't make a big difference in the big picture.

Personally, if my husband had excused himself from a task, I would consider any critical input from him as somewhat annoying. However, if our marriage was on shaky ground, I would likely take it as more proof that I can't do anything right and that my spouse isn't happy no matter how much effort I make.

If you want to salvage your marriage, this is the kind of stuff you just have to let go of, I'm sure there are more important things within the relationship you would like him to change. I'm not saying you can't be privately appalled, but consider how it might seem to him if you just accept that he tried and you don't call him out. "She accepted that I made an effort and then let it be." That is such an olive branch, whether either of you realize it or not.

Change is hard for people, and I do know you want some aspects of your marriage to change, so focus on just the two or so most important things, and let the rest go. It's important for *everyone* in these types of situations to have some 'wins'. (I use this philosophy for parenting too-- focus on the one or two most important issues and try to ignore the rest-- otherwise, that other person just feels nit-picked and that they can't do anything right. )

Good luck!

CoCo's Mom's response is spot on, please re-read it.

Putting up Christmas lights is a mega pain in the butt. My husband will not do it, we just enjoy everyone else's lights. Thank your hubby for taking the time to put the up. Do not nit-pick. Perfectly matching Christmas lights/decorated house should be very low on list of priorities. I bet your kiddos enjoy the lights but other than that, nobody cares! (or should care).

Don't worry about it. He put the lights up. If it were my hubby I would ask where the blue ones came from, he would tell me, we would laugh and move on. You don't need to tell him it looks bad. I mean how could blue and white lights really look bad. It's pretty it's the holidays. Enjoy your family.

I honestly wouldn't say anything negative about it. It's really just lights. Why would you be embaressed? I WISH I could put up Christmas lights. I am renting and live in a very narrow townhome, so even 1 string, would be WAY too long to go across the whole house. I am counting my days until I have my own place so I am allowed to decorate the way I want to. It really doesn't matter what colors he put up. He did the work and he obviously likes it otherwise he would have returned them. This is not worth a fight in my opinion

I love how u put it. Tell him or take down yourself.

What would I do? I would kiss him and thank him for putting up beautiful Christmas lights each year. Then I'd pour him some eggnog. Next year, suggest you get another strand of white lights. Try to let perfectionism go and enjoy that he did this for your family. I wish my hubbie would put up lights. ;) He says he might hire it out this year. lol. I'm about ready to do it myself. I completely understand that it might drive you crazy all season, but take a deep breath each time you look at it and remember that it's the thought that counts. I deal with perfectionism too. :)

It sounds to me that you want to be the one helping instead of the friend. Have you told him you want to help? I suggest your feelings are as much if not more related to missing the camaraderie of decorating together. Perhaps the two of you could shop together for some more blue decorations to balance the colors.

Definitely do not say anything negative about the lights. Focus on making him feel good about what he does. I suggest he may be so controlling because he doesn't feel secure. Try accepting what he does in a spirit of love.

I think it'll just start a fight no matter how you put it. I'd let it go. Maybe next year before the lights go up say you were thinking you'd rather have all white...maybe you can use the blue lights on the bushes or something. For this year I'd just ignore it and let it go.

They are just lights. I mean, how bad could it actually look that you have blue rather then white? I think you should just let this one go and stop trying to micro manage. I am assuming he thought they looked good enough or he would not have put in the hard work to hang them.

If this were me and my hubby, I would think he did it on purpose just to piss me off. Then I would just keep my mouth shut because I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I'm pissed!! I would just simply say thanks for putting up the lights and let it go!!

Good luck!!

I would change them myself (yes, I hang the lights on our house myself, my husband is Jewish and won't do them so that's fine by me) or let it go. It wasn't intentional and it's not worth causing tension over. I'm sure it aggravates him too and he'll either try to change them out or has determined that it's not worth the hassle. Just let it go.

I like Laurie's suggestion.

I would just leave it alone. They're already up, I wouldn't want him going up again to change them out, too much of a hassle.