H.H.
I don't have any great suggestions... only that (from experience) you need to keep looking and be diligent until you find the right person... it makes SUCH a difference, especially when you're talking about your first birth experience!
I had to fire my OB office in my 8th month of pregnancy the first time because I just got so fed up with not being able to get actual medical opinions. I actually had a nurse use the phrase, "Honey, I'm old enough to be your mother..." in answer to my question about the medical feasibility of a certain test. I ended up with the greatest doctor ever... my first male doctor as it turned out, and he was just amazing. I knew, going into labor, that he was going to do what was best for me and my baby... NOT play medical roulette in order to satisfy the need to (legally) cover his own butt. I'd reccomend him, but he's in Illinois! (wish I was in Illinois for THIS birth!)
Do your research, and when you go to meet a doctor for the first time, ASK your questions... if he/she doesn't have time for a consult or doesn't answer your questions the way you'd like, keep looking. Good luck!
-H