I'm trying not to be an over protective mom, but I'm really struggling with letting my daughter drive 8 hours by herself. She has been driving for 5 years (took drivers education at 14 and 9 months) and has had her own car since 16. She is a good driver (but a bit aggressive sometimes and a little over confident in my opinion).
The two of us have driven back and forth from Michigan to Rhode Island (12 hours) for college.
Now she has a summer job in PA which is approximately 8 hours away. I was going to drive with her and then fly home; however, she is also wanting to drive home next month to attend a conference related to the sorority she recently joined. The conference is only held every few years and it happens to be in our town the year she has an out of state internship. That means she'd be making that trip home on her own. I am not thrilled about the idea of her being on the road alone, but she says I have to accept that many young adults her age travel across the country by themselves. While that is certainly true...those are not my kids! She and her friend traveled about 4 hours from RI to NY and although her friend doesn't drive, at least she was with her. My main concern is her being a young female alone on the road that long and so far from anyone she knows. Her car is in good shape, but I'm still so nervous about this.
Please help me think through this.
X
She's ready Mom.
I did it at that age.
I went from Buffalo NY to Annapolis MD and back again fairly regularly.
Without any GPS, or cell phones or CB radio (this was the 80's).
What I had was an AAA card, and fold up maps.
She's got a lot more help at her fingertips than we ever had.
Added;
Please make sure she's aware of the dangers of aggressive driving. I understand you have to be aggressive at times but around here (Dallas area) people shoot you. Road rage shootings happen almost weekly.
Original;
I drove 7.5 hours to/from college at that age. There were no cell phones when I did it either!
Right out of college I was in sales and drove all over the state of NC daily making sales calls. I was on the road 2-4 hours a day routinely stopping at pay phones to check in at the office and make appointments.
Just be smart about it and always aware of surroundings. I stayed in nicer hotels and made choices based on safety.
At the time, I did not have AAA but I have that now as well as Mercedes Roadside Assistance which is free. The cell phone apps also help with location and maps.
My daughter is 22. I would not love it if she were driving 8 hours at a time but I'd encourage her to be safe and trust that she'll make good choices she had been taught.
Right now, I'm anxious because I'm putting her on a plane to London in July and she's making necessary connections to her destination. She's been flying since she was a baby and has flown alone s lot but not internationally. I dread her flying alone. I know she's a big girl and I know I have to let go and trust she'll be ok.
Like a lot of other people, I drove that far alone when I was her age. If I were you, I'd set some parameters. Ask her to leave early in the morning so that she's driving when she's well rested and it's not dark. Make sure she has headphones or a blue tooth device so she can talk hands-free. And help her identify some safe areas where she can take breaks. And make sure she has AAA and knows what to do if she has an emergency. And determine which route she'll take and ask her to not veer from that route.
If she runs into trouble, she won't be more than 4 hours from someone she knows. (The first half of her trip she'll be no more than 4 hours from people she knows in the town where she's working; the second half of the trip she'll be less than 4 hours from you.) 4 hours really isn't that long.
Somebody else asked this not that long ago.
The only concern I would have is if she got tired and had to pull over somewhere.
I used to drive around New England by myself - and I just made sure to pull into well populated areas for gas, food, etc.
Do you have a membership to a car help toll free number? I would do that.
If she asks around, she could likely find another person (female) going to the same place - my niece did this for years when she drove home from college. Asked friends to let their pals know if they needed a drive. She would reach out and always found someone.
I would be concerned too - but unless you're prepared to fly out both times and drive back with her, not sure what else you could do. Just encourage lots of rest stops at well lit, reputable/well known places.
I drove at 17 back and forth to college. 6.5 hours alone in Texas (you can drive 12 hours here and never leave the state). Before cell phones (I had to check in at three different places along the route, at payphones...so my parent knew where to start looking for me).
In 4.5 years I only had one flat tire and no engine troubles.
I watch a lot of true crime so I know the thoughts going through your head.
You know your daughter...you can advise her but ultimately she is an adult. Good luck and I hope she has fun and stays safe.
I understand your concern, but she's a grown up and will be just fine. Have her make sure that her phone is charged and that she has AAA and an emergency kit in her car (which she should have anyway). Encourage her to travel during daylight hours and ask her to call you a couple of times. Just think of it as two four-hour trips. My two oldest are the same age and other than having crappy cars, I would have no concern about them heading out on a road trip of this length. She'll be fine!
I understand your fears. It's difficult for us (parents), because we have more life experiences. Not only are we more aware of all the dangers than our kids, any fears we have become magnified the moment we think of our own kids in those situations.
But this isn't your call. Your baby is an adult now, and she needs to make her own decisions. It isn't your place to say no.
Remind her to be safe, bring her phone (fully charged) with a car charger, be smart about her surroundings and where to stop, be a safe driver, have a full take of gas, etc. Then tell her you have faith in her ability to do this.
She really can do this.
ETA - Ask her to check in with you every couple of hours and let you know where she is. It's not a bad idea, in general, to check in with people while you're driving long distances, and it will help you feel better.
I understand your concern. I think sometimes we have to let them leave the nest, and there has to be a first time for everything. I'd make sure she has a cell phone charger for the car (because kids use their phones for music and GPS and then run the battery down), and I'd make sure she has a valid AAA membership. Assuming she can do this drive during the day, and is smart enough to not accept roadside help from a stranger, and assuming she knows what to do if pulled over by an unmarked car with flashing lights (in case it's not really a cop - she should motion the car to follow her to a populated area to show she's not ignoring the "cop" but going to a safe place), you can probably let it go. I know it's hard.
I would, however, have a serious talk with her about her aggressive driving - there are crazy and angry people, and lots of them have guns - and it does not pay to any someone by citing them off or making an obscene gesture no matter how wrong the other guy is. (Some years back, here in New England, there was road rage incident where one driver pulled over onto the shoulder and then pulled a crossbow out of his trunk, shooting the other driver.) She should assume that everyone out there is much angrier than she is. The part of the teen brain that predicts consequences/outcomes is not fully developed until around age 25 - so she could stand to lose some of the over-confidence. Giving off a confident air is a good thing for a woman especially, but failing to predict possible problems is a risky reality of people this age.
It does not sound like you should try to prohibit her from attending the conference, but, I think you could certainly offer to buy her a plane ticket! She might enjoy not driving if the other travel option is gifted to her.
I remember taking a 6 hour trip with a couple of friends in college. One friend almost didn't go because her parents were concerned. She asked us what our parents said to us when we asked them if we could go. Honestly, both of us almost laughed because it didn't occur to us that we needed to ask. My other friend actually said, "Nothing, because I didn't ask them." I did tell my parents. I always told them when I had something fun coming up!
My point is, she doesn't need your permission anymore. She has her own car. Presumably she has her own money to pay her expenses. She's an adult now, and she gets to be the one to decide.
I did it at that age. And not from new locale to home... well, sort of. My parents actually moved while I was in college. This was in the days before cell phones (the big bag car phones were around, but it was unheard of for a college student to have such a device). Mine dad actually mailed me a handwritten page with the directions to get there (names of hwys, approx miles before the next turn, etc... it was a LONG way on I-95 north bound and I-26 --from Florida to the mountains in northwestern South Carolina). I bought mine own car atlas/map, and had to navigate for myself without a travel mate, or any sort of tech to tell me turn by turn.
It was fine. And I'd never been to their city before. Let alone their new house. At least when your daughter gets to the tail end of her trip she'll be in familiar territory.
And I have no doubts she has both a cell phone for emergency calling if needed, and navigational apps with turn by turn navigation as well.
Maybe she'll have a friend come with her for this. You never know.
Try not to worry. I think riding TO PA with her for the first time is not a bad idea. She will be unfamiliar with her destination, and if there are any snafus, it will be good to have you on hand to help out (she will be tired after 8 hours and if anything go awry, she'll be unsure where to turn--literally). Worst case, if you are with her on the trip out, if she has a problem you can rent a hotel room to face the issue the following day. But once she's there, I think she'll get her footing quickly and the return trip to home will be no big deal.
She's 19 and sounds very responsible on top of that. There is no more "letting" or "not letting" She's an adult. The only thing you can do is work through your own anxiety and recognize you don't have control over these decisions any longer.
Why not get her a plane ticket and take care of it that way?
ooh mama! this is such a hard time. Letting go. I'm there. My oldest will be off to college in August. He's been admitted to The Citadel. It's not even 5 hours from here and I'm trying to let go.
My son has not been driving for as long as your daughter. However, I would allow it. Trust in her.
