Locating Death Records?

Updated on November 14, 2010
3.B. asks from Tampa, FL
6 answers

LONG story short, my oldest child's father died when he was very young. We weren't married so his mother handled all details.He passed in his mothers home in his sleep, and they told me it was "cardiac arrest" But the death certificate said accidental overdose. Fast forward 16 yrs. later and I havent spoken with his family in years, they have no contact with my son, THEIR choice. And although I have always openly spoke with my son about his father the cause of his death hasn't come up since he was very small, at which point I explained it the best I could for a young child.
I feel that the question could come up again at any time, and I'd like to tell him the truth. The problem is, I don't know what that is. I tried over the years to get a more straight answer out of his family and was always shut down. They stuck to their story. And also said the death certificate was "incorrect" Which I dont believe for many reason. I do believe he was dabbling in illegal drugs, because when he died his "friends" asked me if that was the cause.
How do I go about getting the answers I need? Will there be other documents besides a death certificate? I thought if Isomeone .dies at home an autopsy was a given?? I'm at peace regardless of what I find, I just feel that our son is owed the truth about what happened to his father. I think he's old enough (16) to hear it even if it may not be pleasant. Maybe now or a year ot two from now

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So What Happened?

I want to have the correct info so that if he does ask, I can tell him the truth. I don't believe it's okay to lie to him especially as he is getting closer to adulthood. If he decides to pursue it later and finds out I lied to him, how would that make me look? I also feel that if it comes out that it WAS a drug overdose it would be a hard, but true example of why he should NEVER dabble in drugs. I have always told him that his dad was a good man (which he was) and how proud he was to be his father. It is proof that drugs can take your life in an instant, even when you have such great things to live for. If he never asks, I won't push the topic. I only think its fair that if he does, he can know the truth. His father was 25 years old, and died in his sleep. That leaves ALOT of room for question.

More Answers

T.M.

answers from Fort Myers on

Sometimes the truth can leave emotional scars and deep wounds that never heal. Knowing the truth or which version of the truth does not change the fact that you are his mother, his dad passed and you and his dad were not married. Your making decisions that may or may not alter your son's life for the rest of his life. What purpose does it serve to rehash the cause of death at this point in time? I would not continue to search for answers that can't change anything but I would protect my son with my whole being and spare him any further hurt that can come out of knowing the truth now or in the future.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I think 16 is old enough to hear the truth, or whatever you believe to be the truth. If it was on the death certificate, and the family is denying it, then it probably WAS accidental overdose. I can't imagine that being put on the death certificate if it weren't true. An autopsy is NOT always performed, as I have discovered in recent years with the passing of some relatives; however, I think they always do an autopsy when someone really young dies. I'm no expert on the subject though.

But I think it would be really good for your son to know what you believe to be the cause of death. I think it's easier for a kid to think he was "abandoned" by a drug user who died from an overdose than to think that the person who fathered him just randomly died.

I think you should tell your son what you believe, and maybe if he's interested he can help find the death records. Kids are pretty good at stuff like that, and it would be an interesting project for him.

You sound like a good mom.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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R.M.

answers from Modesto on

You should be able to get a copy from the county clerks office in the town he died. I'm pretty sure they are public record. Might cost ya 15 bucks or something.... I know they dont make you a copy for free. I would not tell your son of the drug overdose, it sort of opens a door for them to think it's also okay for them to dabble in it. I'd keep it at heart attack for now...

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S.B.

answers from Wichita on

if it's a suspicious death, or the family requests it, they'll do an autopsy, it's not automatic.

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

social security death index is posted online free at

http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/

That should give you his legal name, date of birth, and social security number. Then you can go to your state website or local office and see about getting a copy of the death certificate. Then you could contact the local coroner and ask him, after telling him why you want to know.

Good luck.

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