Live-in Mil--help!

Well, what I'd do is explain you'll have to increase her rent due to lack of finances. I wouldn't put it too much higher than what she pays, otherwise it'd be a shock to her that you'd ask for such a large increase (i.e. from $200 to $500). I think $300 would be a good amount to ask. As for the coughing, I'd keep sanitizer around. They make larger bottles of it so I'd just ask that if she's not going to wash her hands each time to please at least sanitize. Just say you're 'sorry for being such a germaphobe but would appreciate it if she would at least use the sanitizer after she coughs' that it would make you feel better. You could even offer her a small personal size bttl of it, even though you're in the right she still probably would get upset. I'd have done the same thing though! I HATE it when people don't wash their hands or at least make an effort w/sanitizer. Just running water over the hands doesn't count. My SIL does that, just runs water over her hands & rarely washes them, even after going to the bathroom! I really can relate to your delimma. As for the pills, can you not crush them up & mix it in/put it in her food? As for the job, there are numerous work at home companies you can check into. West Corporation, LiveOps and Alpine Access are three I'd recommend. I've worked for West & Alpine. All were on the news a while back except I think West, I just found them on the internet. Just remember, if a 'work at home' job asks for money other than for a background check, it's probaby fraud. Check w/the BBB website & complaints.com too. That's what I did. I did VERY thorough checks on the companies before applying but at least you'll be home & not hafta worry about a set schedule so much. Now Alpine is a bit more strict w/the schedules but they pay by the hour & you only hafta answer calls for one company wheras West & LiveOps is answering calls for ANYthing & everything imaginable, it's a surprise a lot of the times, you don't know for what company each call is for but it's flexible schedule (you make your own schedule & work as much or little as you want as long as you wk the min. hrs each month) & only pays per min. per call, at least that's the way it was when I wked for West a couple yrs ago. They may've changed so I dunno about that for sure now but you can always ck on it anyway. Hope this helps and good luck!

I can certainly empathize with your situation. Having an extended guest in your home does sacrifice some of the privacy we all take for granted. As much as it stresses you right now, you will be glad that you were able to have your MIL stay with you. If possible, find ways to enable her to strengthen bonds with her granddaughters. It will pay you dividends in the long run and I'm not talking about the monetary kind.

You and your MIL sound like very nice people and I'm sure the last thing either of you would do intentionally is hurt the other one's feelings. If you feel you must say something, do so as if they were a friendly acquaintance. If you feel you may have crossed the line, a hug and an apology can work wonders.

Also remember, when your kids were little they were exposed to lots of germs, probably didn't wash their hands as much as you preferred, had other kids coughing on them, etc.

As far as the job hunting goes, make sure your resume is top notch and tailored to the job you are seeking. Although you've been a SAHM, I'm sure you haven't been sitting around eating bon-bons the whole time. If you've been active in volunteer organizations, parent-teacher groups, etc. make sure you include that on your resume. Ask friends who are currently working if they know of a good head-hunter you could use and to critique your resume. Most head-hunters charge the company that hires you a fee for finding them a good employee. Be sure to check so you don't get hit with any hidden fees that other companies may charge. Don't discount the value of networking. If you are part of an organization, let people know that you are seeking employment. Keep copies of your resume with you at all times - you never know when an opportunity may present itself.

In the meantime, sign up to be a substitute teacher. I know the pay is not great but it does count as employment that you can put on a resume, shows prospective companies that you want to work, typically works with your girls school schedules, etc.

I wish you much luck and success!!!

Best solution is to communicate and talk w/your husband about it...did you both agree on the amount before your MIL moved in? You have to also remember that it's his mom and choose words carefully so that you don't offend your husband. He's aware that your stuggling and he may not feel that he should ask his mom for additional funds. If she's always traveling, doesn't seem like she even there in the home much. It is your home and just let your husband know how you feel. It's tough having other lives with you, especially a MIL.

Best wishes!

Did your MIL have to move in for financial reasons or health/age? Was the financial arrangement with her discussed by you and your husband first, or did he make the discision without you?
It's hard when it's a family member, but you really have to handle the situation the same way you would a roommate. If she has enough money to galavant around to visit family, she can certainly contribute her fair share. (Or were the living arrangements so she could afford to travel?) After all, is it fair that your finances are being depleted while she gads about? I'm sure your household bills have increased more than $200 a month since she moved in. Would she (or your DH) think it fair if you added to her rent each time you bought something with her specifically in mind? Look at the situation from both sides, and if it only seems fair one way, then it's really not fair at all!
As far as her hygiene, both you and your DH need to sit down with her and explain you do things a certain way as an example for your children, and you need for her to do the same (taking prescribed medications, washing with soap), and when she gets upset (which she will) state it's your house, your rules. Your DH will have to stand firm with you on this. She may decide that she needs to go live with another relative, or she might just decide to treat you and your home with the same respect that she would feel entitled to, and help out more, both financially, and physically.
I will give up the soapbox now, LOL, and good luck to you!

you are braver than I ! On the money, since you are dipping into savings, so should she. Until the economy gets better, you & your hubby need to sit down with her & set a budget. when things get better, she can go back to paying $200. You are just starting out, school, college, weddings (all future things) she is slowing down on life. it can only benefit her since she is in your home, which apparently she needs. Do not dwindle your savings. If she is not willing to contribute than maybe she needs to find another place. one more person in your house, no matter how you look at it costs more than $200 a month.
Good luck.

I really don't have any helpful suggestions for the financial problem, but the coughing...just show her all the hype that is out regarding frequent hand washing WITH SOAP. It doesn't matter that the coughing is due to alergies, germs are everywhere and with all the flu going around you have not only yourselves to protect, you have your children to worry about. Remind her also that she is in one of the danger groups.You might just make it a family rule that spplies to everyone...anyone touching ANYTHING that might go near someone's face or mouth, must wash hands with soap first, and this would apply to all family members.

On the money side of the issue: You must sit down with your husband and make a budget. I would let your MIL know that you are doing this, and that you will be including ALL expenses and ALL income from ALL family members. I would also ask yourself how have the living arrangement expectations changed since your MIL moved in? Clearly they have, because your husband made the $200 arrangement. I would ask the same thing of your MIL and husband. Work from what is revealed during these activities.

On the cleanliness issue: We were raised in a different world than our parents. You are in charge of your children's health and well-being and have the right to make "the rules" about things that affect them. Your pediatrician, the County Department of Health, local Extension Agency and Library will all have materials that you can use to discuss this with your DH and MIL. Let her read through the materials that specifically address hand-washing and "how to cough" (into the crook of one's arm) to minimize the spread of germs. Make sure that you emphasize that you desire these behaviors for the household's welfare and no other reason. Spraying ALL light switches, phone handles, door knobs, and sink handles is always a good idea now that we are in Flu season. It sounds like you are Dr. Mom and are willing to serve in this capacity (good for you!) Best Wishes!