Little Mr. Destruct-o

I always liked the theory by Love and Logic of "toys I pick up, I keep, toys you pick up, you keep." This way the 2 and 9 year old will get to keep their toys and have things to do and his will disappear. I know you said that you feel nothing motivates him and that can be hard, but I think you need to pick something and stick to it. I would not suggest keeping him from meals, but possibly putting him in time out and if excusing him from time out to eat if he's still there and then go back. Time out can be hard b/c some kids act indifferent about it, but I truly feel that with enough consistency they will soon realize that it's annoying and that they'd rather be playing. It sounds like you've tried a lot of things, but maybe haven't given things a long enough time?? Don't know.

I also like Kristy's suggestion of switching rooms, that might help too!

This worked for us. Put all toys either in a locked cabinet, or up high out of reach. We installed shelves in our basement and some toys go in the garage and some toys are locked in cabinets in their rooms. Let each child choose one toy. When they want to play with something else, they first have to bring it to you put away (we store everything in clear storage containers--from target). No fighting, no fussing. If he wants a new toy he must first bring you the picked up toy he had out. If your 9 year-old is responsible enough you can have him help with getting toys out and puting them back in storage.

Well, your son and mine (same age) are very much alike! My son needs very close supervision to clean up at all. If I give him one small task at a time he he will grudgingly do it. Often I have to threaten "If I have to clean it up I am putting it in time out." We have a lot of toys in time out around here. I would try weeding out the less favored toys into storage so he had a limited number to deal with. You may be stuck giving him small specific jobs and supervising closely for a while longer. My son likes to play in a clean space so sometimes he will help if he knows he can play with something he rarely gets to play with afterward. My son loves small Legos and puzzles but they are kept put away from my 19 month old. I wish I had a solution for the room sharing problem since I need to move my younger one into the room with her brother sometime soon. Good luck.

My two boys are the same, and just like Kristy. The only thing in their room is a mattress and bedding and a box of toys. They can't have furniture and mattress has to be on the floor, b/c they literally knock furniture over and destroy everything. It is a real challenge! They are 4 and 2, maybe he could share a room with the 2 year old?

I am reading Dr. sear's Discipline book, and it helps some, but we have a long way to go.
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Better-Behaved-Chil...

Also, here are some good reward chart ideas:
http://busylizzybows.blogspot.com/2010/06/rewardbehavior-...

edited to add, another friend suggested this reward idea to me and she said it really works and comes suggested from a childhood psychologist:

"We purchased a roll of tickets (big old roll of raffle tickets) and a clear jar for each kiddo. The k...ids get tickets for completing chores and for anything we want to reinforce such as good behavior without being asked. We try very hard to use the tickets to reinforce behavior and very rarely take tickets away. In our house, tickets = .25 each so they save them up for video games, candy, toys, special toys, etc. It's taught the kids about money management and making good choices also so that's been an added bonus. "

My 4 year old daughter is the same way. I literally have to take her through her room or the family room or whatever room she destroyed one mess at a time if I want her to pick things up and put them away in any manner that makes sense.

We will pur Barbie stuff away first, then move on to dress up and jewelry, then move onto books and puzzles, and so on. she has an 8 month old brother now that is crawling everywhere and will put ANYTHING in his mouth so we have to remind her that she could really hurt her brother if she neglects to put her treasured things away. Then she gets it.

I think telling her to clean an entire space with no guidance scares her. She just sits there instead of doing anything. Like adults, we need to break large tasks/projects into smaller more bite size portions so as not to get overwhelmed. The old saying, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." exists for a good reason!

This might sounds strange, but have your 2 year old daughter and your 4 year old son switch rooms. If your 9 year old and your 2 year old are more in tune with each other, they will have an easier time living in the same room.

My oldest, who is almost 4, has been a Mr. Destruct-o since he was very young. The only thing in his bedroom right now is his bed, mattress, sheet, and blanket. If there is ANYTHING else, he will find a way to destroy it. So he is able to keep it clean. For "cleaning time", we sing the "clean-up" song. We give him step by step instructions because he gets overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start (which is developmentally appropriate, by the way!). First, we have him get the books and put them on the bookshelf. Then, on to the puzzle pieces. Then the toys, cars first, and so on and so forth. It really seems to work for him. But we did have to move all the toys out of his room because otherwise he wouldn't sleep, and he would drive his little brother insane!

We have a "schedule" when toys are allowed in the living room. After lunch, but before dinner. When Daddy calls and says he is on his way, then we know it's time to pick up the living room. Limiting the time, limits the mess. It does take a bit more supervision to get the kids used to this, but it has helped us. And I also will stop the mess before it starts....."You may play with those blocks, AFTER you pick up the trucks." They can be sneaky and quick sometimes, so this doesn't always work. It also helps my 4 1/2 year old when I have a collection spot. He likes to put all of the toys that need picking up in a basket and THEN he puts them where they belong. While this does take longer to get the job done, I think he finds a satisfaction in getting everything off the floor quickly. And I think it makes the mess look smaller when it's stuffed into a laundry basket rather than sprawled on my floor.

Reward the 9 year old and the 2 year old with treats out to an ice cream parlor or something whenever they mind you or keep tidy. Get a jar of candy and let the well behaved kids pick from there whenever they do what they are supposed to. When your nearly five year old sees them getting special treatment and he is left out he'll either have to figure out how to get in on the action or be forever unrewarded. Nothing like being left out of the fun to motivate the unmotivated.

I would just tell him that he isn't allowed to play with anything. If he tried say no and take it away and let him watch his siblings watch. Kind of like an all day time out. But you should tell him why he can't and why his siblings can. Eventually he would get so bored he just might put toys away.

Wow! I think Kristy has a great idea about switching rooms! I'll bet your oldest would rather share with his neater little sis.

My own little Mr. Destructo is now 7 and he's not much better. What helps for us is if I give him small, specific things to do (Put all of the cars into this case, etc.) til it's done. Then praise him like crazy and point out how NICE his room looks and how much more SPACE he has now. (Then it's the same thing 2-3 days later...)