Little Miss Contrary

Sometimes letting them have too much control for things they really can't handle yet leads to them craving more and more control. I would take a really good look at the things she is trying to control, that you could take back control of, and tell her that she's not ready to handle those things, that you will control those things until she's a little older.

I would also isolate her in her room or away from other people somehow when she starts arguing or yelling at her siblings. If she does need attention, she certainly needs to know that that's not the way to get it. It will mean lots of screaming and crying at first but be consistent and I think she will get the message within a few days. Good luck!

I have a very strong-willed 2 1/2 year old and she would love to argue with me, but I refuse. When she says things like "It is NOT a snowy day!" there are a few ways I respond to her:
- Hmmm. Sure looks like a snowy day to me! But if you can't see the snow then I guess it doesn't look snowy to you. (This gives her the attention she is craving and validates her feelings)
- Wow, after XX years, you would think I know what snow looks like, but since you are 3 you must know better than I do. (Sarcasm works great to release my frustrations at this kind of behavior and most 3 year olds don't get it yet, they just feel validated and like the attention.)
- Sweetheart, there is snow on the ground. That makes it a snowy day. Disagreeing with me isn't going to change reality. (Sometimes I just feel like she needs to be corrected when I feel that she is disagreeing with me because she doesn't understand what I'm saying. We've actually had a similar disagreement recently and it was because she didn't understand the difference between snowing and snowy, and I couldn't understand the difference between the two words when she said them -- 3 year olds aren't always clear when they speak.)

From your post it sounds like you might need to provide some clear boundaries for her on what she can and cannot control. In the car, reiterate the rules for everyone when you all get in the next few times. For us that means we talk one at a time, if mommy says it's someones turn to talk than it is that person's turn and you have to wait until they are done before it is your turn. We keep our hands to ourselves. She's 3 so my guess is that she is still in a carseat or booster, so show her what her personal space is and make it clear that she can only control what happens in that space -- she can't complain about someone sitting to close to her unless they cross that space. If she complains loudly about something that is not within her personal space just calmly say, You don't get to decide that/You're not in charge of that/I'm the mom and I will deal with it, and then ignore her. It will take many times, and a very consistent response before she figures out that your statement is the end of it no matter how loud she protests.

It's hard when they are so strong willed because it requires a very consistent enforcement of the rules, and I fear what it will be like in the teenage years, but I know it will serve her well when she is older.

Good luck to you!

My youngest was that way at that age. On occasion, my older daughter and I would use humor and say, "Oh, how didn't we notice? It's HOT AND SUNNY outside! Quick, let's all go get bathing suits on and go swimming! Where's my snorkel?" and just ham it up like crazy. Sometimes that would make my little one start laughing because she realized how crazy she had sounded.

And still other times, I'd mimic her completely - stomp my foot, yell, "I HATE SNOWY DAYS! HMPH!" cross my arms, put on my fussiest face. This would usually prompt her to say, "Mommy, are you okay?" and I'd say with an innocent look on my face, "Oh! Sure! I thought we were being angry and fussy! We're not??"

So, those were the weapons in my arsenal. Basically you just have to live through this phase until they grow out of it, without going crazy yourself! =)

This is really typical 2-almost-3 behavior and if you discipline her for verbally saying no, she won't truly get (yet) what she's done wrong. If she were older, sure, you could talk to her about what it means to be contradictory, but she's testing you -- If mom says X I'll say Y to see what reaction I get. Try giving her no reaction at all. She says "It is not snowy day!" So walk away, move on to something else, distract both her and you with a new activity. Of course, she may immediately come up with, "NO, I don't want to color," in which case you say, "OK," don't engage her any further, and carry on with something else you need to do, maybe in another room. Be consistent about not blowing up but also not letting her get you into a yes-it-is, no-it-isn't discussion, and eventually she will find out that she gets no reaction to being contradictory. She'll move on. It may take some time. With other kids in the house, you can't always control THEIR ability to react to her, of course, but when she protests about someone sitting next to her, try smiling, saying, sorry you feel that way, and ignoring the protests. She does want control but will learn that yelling and protesting for it gets her....nothing different from what mom was doing already.

Set the standard of what behavior you want in you house and then stick with it. It may be very hard and frustrating but she needs to learn how to be around other people and that life isn't always about her. I agree with the others that you need to tell her that you are not going to argue and then ignore it. Try to help your other kids do that also. Some phases are really hard to get through but it will pass as long as you teach her the right behavior.

decline the argument.
she'll grow out of it.
khairete
S.

I do what Catherine C suggestions --I try to make a joke out of it.

I also tell her "I am done with this conversation" when she goes off on one of those argumentative, X needs to be just right tangents. Also, when she turns into little miss bossy/control freak, I sometimes remind her that she is being mean, and if she continues, she will go into a TO until she wants to play nice. We have been having lots of conversations about treating others the way we want to be treated. It seems to be working! (thank god).

Oh ya, also, have everyone stop doing anything for her. Let her try to do everything on her own, and wait for her to ask for help. They become little contraries when they are feeling the need for control. So, ask her to set her place setting at meals and to carry her own food to the table. Give her more responsibilities. Also make sure you don't tell her what to do, instead, phrase it so that she is making the choice. "let's do this, do you think you can," and then, if it's picking up, for instance, go ahead and start picking up, ignoring whether she joins in or not. She will jump in by choice, if you give her the space to make it. (singing the clean-up song and making it look fun doesn't hurt either).

It's rough, isn't it!

You could ignore it! Point out the difference of what she is saying, and remind her to speak in her softer voice. Or just say that she is being silly, or that she may be right "the snow is falling down so yes it is a snowy day, but if it it not snowing then yes she was correct---it is not a snowy day. She may just be craving for some attention, while trying to develop a sense of self and independent thought