Life change....Advice Needed

I'm not about to tell you that you should have a baby, E.. You sound almost desperate here, and to me that means you need to work on THAT part of your life, rather than bringing a baby in the mix. It almost sounds to me that you think that a baby will fix all your problems. That's not fair to the baby, and it's very far from the truth.

However, I do think that you need to have the IUD removed and let your uterus have some "time off". Use a diaphragm and work on getting your ducks in a row to lower your stress level and get your home lives in order. You need to be taking pregnancy vitamins, exercising, eating right, getting enough rest, and be HAPPY in your life. All of that will help your high-stress job be LESS stressful.

Go to the library and check out a Dave Ramsey book and use his principles to get your financial lives in a place that having a baby would not pulverize. Concentrate on being successful in getting this totally in order, organizing your life and enjoying your daughter. You'll be much clearer in your mind and your heart by the time you straighten out your finances. THEN you can consider putting the diaphragm aside and just enjoying your love making and your husband. It's SO much easier to conceive if you aren't trying so hard and dealing with so many stressors, like you are talking about.

You asked for advice. I hope you don't think I'm judging you. I'm not. I do think that you need to work on yourself before bringing a baby into the mix. It's so much harder to do all of this once you're pregnant. Do it now and do it with the knowledge that it's for the good of you and your family, whether you have another baby or not.

I don't think having a baby would would be a good thing right now. You are way too stressed. A demanding baby would not make things better. You don't really sound like you want one, it's just something else you "should" do.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I think a lot of of the judging is coming from your own head. I used to do that a lot when I was younger. It's like you are always planning your next move for a happy life but you never enjoy the moment. I would put off major decisions till I could be happy where I was.

You don't have to have a second baby. Lots of kids are onlys. Where does your H land on these questions? It is more than double the work when you you have two. You can keep your baby clothes. It will be ok to keep them.

Your life is steeping in stress right now. Make one decision. Take action on it. Chill for a few months. Like the birth control. If you are concerned for your health, change things. But make sure to use something consistently.

Dave Ramsey is a great place to start taking control of your finances. You need to make plans on paper to understand where your money goes and if you are in a good position to have a baby. Security is extremely important to a woman. You are not at a calm place to have a baby right now. You are a slave to your high stress job. If you combine that with nursing and colic, you will overwhelm your little family. There are no guarantees of a perfect pregnancy or birth either. You do not need that stress.

I hope you have take a deep breath and stop pressuring yourself. You are good just like you are!

If you're not having difficulty with the Mirena don't take it out. Know that each woman reacts differently to things and the number of women having difficulty and filing a law suit is very small. I suggest you're over thinking the Mirena.

If you like your job why would you change jobs? Many women with high stress jobs have babies. However, if you think that you would not do well with your job and a baby, then consider changing jobs. But first, decide if you are going to have another baby. You can look at the possibility of other jobs while you decide but do not change jobs until you make the decision to get pregnant.

Seems to me that making a decision about the baby will naturally lead to decisions about other things. I suggest you get counseling to work thru the issues around having a baby, since you're finding this decision so difficult. Definitely do not have a baby until you're feeling calm and ready for it.

No one can tell you what to do. These decisions have to be made by you and your husband. I suggest you make a list of the pros and cons for each decision. Then prioritize those issues. Find a book about decision making to help you learn how to make decisions.

Nope, you are not ready for another baby.
Once you are feeling calm, secure, stable (emotionally and financially) and most importantly, thinking CLEARLY, then make a decision.
And of course, what does your husband have to say???

If you can't think clearly then don't do it. I can't imagine a worse possible way for a child to come into the world. Okay, I guess it could be worse, but still, why go there?
Also you don't even mention your husband, which is weird and disturbing, what does HE want?

i think you are way over thinking this. i think you are stressed out, trying to make the "perfect" choices when in reality, your life happiness does not depend on any of these decisions. and none of it has to be done this S.. relax. take a breath. get comfortable with your life as it is, or give yourself time, room, and the energy to see things clearly. if the birth control you are using is dangerous - change it (i would do that, actually...no brainer.) everything else, just let it lie for awhile. one thing at a time. having a baby (or not) is really not going to make you happy if you're not. focus on what you have and manage that first. THEN once that is under control - consider making the big changes, if you still want to do that.

I agree with Doris Day below.. Also, see how you feel once you get your stress/health under control and your finances.. once you get your ducks lined up in that regard.. then see how you feel at the possibility of having another child.. You might find that with less stress and financial commitments, you are now ready for another child... you might also find that in fact one is just fine..

good luck

E.:

DEEP BREATH!! let it out slowly.....now breath in again...deep - let it out slowly!!!

You are putting ssooo much on you - you need to break it down...

1. Birth control.
Talk with your OB/GYN about your concerns and options. If he/she feels you have a better option - go for it.

2. High Stress Job.
a. You either love your job or you hate it. If you do NOT love what you do - then get your resume updated with your current experience and see what's out there. You will NOT know if you don't try. Would you rather live your life - "wow!! I can't believe I did that!!" or "man, I wish I would have tried that?"
b. Many jobs are high stress. Mine? It DEFINITELY has its high stress moments...but I LOVE what I do. Yeah, there are days when I say - damn...but that's life.
c. Stress in general at work? It happens. I don't know what you do. But ways to keep the stress down is to NOT PANIC and stay organized. Make a list of things to do each day. Check them off as you go. If you don't get to it - transfer it to the next day. Prioritize your work.

3. Having a baby.
a. No one here can answer that question for you. I'm sorry.
b. You don't think you are prepared financially - that's great to hear!! I can't tell you how refreshing that is to read!! There are so many women that come on here and complain about not having enough money, etc. but want more kids.
c. to determine if you can afford another baby - decide on formula or breast feeding...if you are going to formula feed - find out costs and set that money aside each week.
d. then find out about day care...if you aren't going to quit your job - you will need day care. Start putting the money away EACH WEEK for what it would cost to have an infant in care.

If you can go without touching that money? You are better prepared than most. By the time you get pregnant - you will have a tidy savings. You can use it for day care or something else. But really. That's the best way to know if you are financially prepared. Setting the money aside on what you are earning now. If you can't do it now on this salary. You will have to talk to your boss about a raise or find a better paying job.

Where there is a will. There is a way. You will find a way to make the baby happy if that's what you and your husband want.

So, instead of lumping it all together? Break it down. Focus on one thing and let the rest go. If birth control is freaking you out - then that should be your #1 priority. Then work down the list!

Good luck!

E.,

I would get to a better place in preparation for a new baby.
If a baby is what you really want.... Then make it happen!
Start with removing the IUD especially with all the health issues it's linked to. Get on a more natural and safe birth control (diaphragm)... And then try looking into work at home ( some companies will allow there employees to do that) or look into legitimate work at home companies ( at home call centers etc...) and when things are better ( stress wise, and health wise) then I would start trying for baby :)

Children are a true blessing from God :)
Good luck E..

None of us should tell you to have another baby or not. Personally, I believe no one should bring a baby into this world unless both parents truly want the child and can provide for the child.

I don't think the gap matters because you will never have a guarantee that siblings will be great playmates. Some sibs with a small gap get along fabulously where others are polar opposites that can't stand to be together. Some with a larger gap have great experiences where others do not.

Have another if you and your husband both truly want a second child. Don't do it because you just think that is what you are "supposed to do."

I did not read in your post that you really wanted another. Good luck with your decision:-)

absolutely remove the mirena. whether or not you have a baby, let your body return to its natural cycles and recover from being artificially managed. but use good regular birth control in its place, and don't fudge it.
if you dislike your job, find another one. but the new one might be high stress too. the stress itself shouldn't necessarily be the factor. my husband's job is extremely high stress, but he thrives on the responsibility, the time pressure, the knowledge that there is no one who can do what he does. (what's killing him is the commute, but that's another story.) but if this job makes great use of your talents, and is compensating you well and fairly, and has benefits, you may well be better off learning better stress management strategies instead of just switching jobs and replacing a familiar stress for a new one.
do not have a baby right now. you're all over the map. you'll get it pounded into you that no one is ready for a baby and no time is the 'right' time, which may well be true. however there are definitely wrong times, and being this frantic and anxious and confused is a bad time to make life-altering decisions.
tackle your challenges one at a time, and learn how to be the one in charge of your own life. there are always factors we can't control, but we're not helpless chips being swept on the tide. once you are firmly and reasonably settled in the saddle, revisit the Big Decisions.
good luck!
khairete
S.

People a lot poorer than us have children and make it. As an older mama, I regret things that I did not do more than things that I did. There can be no replacement for having another child--if you wait too long--you cannot have one.

Start a savings plan, cut back on shopping, etc. and have your child. Good luck and best wishes.