Life After the Death of a Baby Twin...

I am so sorry about your loss. I wish there was something we could all do to make all your pain go away.
I personally haven't been in your situation but my best friend has and my cousin just had her baby in June also at 26 weeks and I know how hard it was for them. I think it just takes time and a lot of support from the people around you. I think you need to make sure you have some time for yourself where you're not taking care of other people.
I'll be praying for you and your family!
Ashley

I am praying for you and your family. I am so sorry that you have had to experience such a terrible loss. I had a miscarriage a few months ago which broke my heart, I can't imagine what you must be going through. There is a wonderful support program that I discovered after my miscarriage. They are the Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support group. I recieve their newsletter every few months and it has helped beyond measure. They have information on how to deal with your overwhelming grief, as well as share stories of parents who have been in similiar situations and how they have found ways to deal with the grief. They also have wonderful ideas on how to honor your child. You can learn more about them at www.nationalshareoffice.com. If you have any other questions or just need someone to chat with don't hesitate to message me.

I just wanted to tell you that you and your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry for everything that you have been through and continue to go through. May God bless your family with peace and strength from day to day.

I'm so sorry for your loss of Vincent. Grieving for the loss of one baby while trying to remain hopeful and optimistic for your surviving son is so tough. My heart reaches out to you because I have been there too. You stand there at Vaughn's isolette willing him to be strong and fight this NICU battle so he can come home; but, the whole while your heart is also breaking for the son you lost. I pray for strength and calm for you and your family.

I gave birth to twin girls 4 years ago at 24 weeks. They weighed a l 1/2 lbs each. We lost one of our daughters 9 hours after they were born and the other daughter spent 100 days in the NICU. Our survivor endured 5 surgeries while in the NICU as well as battling a life threatening infection. Several times during her stay in the NICU we weren't sure she'd make it. But, those little guys are tougher than you could ever imagine for a tiny baby. Our daughter pulled through it all (even a scare that she might be blind) and now she is 4 years old and you'd never know all that she's been through. She's been wearing glasses since she was 6 months old and she has a few gross motor and fine motor delays - but she's okay! She is actually ahead of most 4 year olds when it comes to her cognitive abilities. All this from a little one pound baby who the doctor's said would probably have many, many problems as she grew up. When we were in the midst of our NICU nightmare I could have never imagined that things would turn out okay. So, don't ever give up or think that just because a doctor says that something will happen (like our daughter being blind)that it will happen for sure - you just never know. It is hard to be hopeful when you've expereinced the worst thing a mother could ever experience - the loss of your son, but hang in there, it will get better.

There is an international organization devoted to helping families who have lost a multiple (twin, triplet, etc..) that I found invaluable. It is called CLIMB (Center For Loss In Multiple Birth). Their website is www.climb-support.org - they have tons of information on their website to help deal with the unique situation of having lost one twin. They even have such information as to how to write a birth announcement. Another great resource is their quarterly newsletter that contains stories of other families who have endured similar losses. I can't say enough good things about this group. Because of them I didn't feel so alone. I'd also be happy to answer any questions you might have or just offer support - send me a message if you'd like.

I'll keep you, Vaughn and your family in my prayers.

S.

First take all the time in the world you need to grieve. When Vaughn comes home you're going to be too busy to really have the time. Rest while you can. Touch Vaughn as much as you can.

Later, you can tell him about his brother but now do what you can to project healing energy to the survivor.

I know it's hard. Many prayers and positive thoughts coming your way.

D. mom to 3 boys ages 18, 6 and 3
and 10 angels.

First off I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My brother (my best friend) lost one of his triplets 5 years ago. He also lost his first child, a daughter born at 20 weeks 2 years prior. With the triplets, my sister-in-law went into labor at 23 weeks 4 days and gave birth to Reagan. She was just too small to make it. We had 4 hours with her before she passed. The doctors somehow stopped the labor and the other 2 stayed in for 2 1/2 more weeks. She gave birth to a boy and a girl at 27 weeks. The doctors said the girls were more than likely identical. At just over 2 pounds each at birth, they were in the hospital for almost 3 months, then on oxygen and monitors for another 2 months after coming home. So now here we are 5 years later with 2 healthy and active kindergarteners. They know all about their sister and the sacrifice we feel she made so they had room to grow for a couple more weeks before they were born. We are so grateful for the 2 surviving triplets. We still think about Reagan a lot and speak of her often. I wish there was something I could say about the grieving process to make it easier. We take great comfort in knowing she is with our Lord and we will see her again. We all were so busy with the babies coming home that there was not a lot of time for anything else. Be sure to take some time for yourself when you can. My sister-in-law joined some online support groups for mothers who lost one or more multiples and she has made some great friends over time. People with good intentions would sometimes say "at least you have the other 2". And yes thank God we did, but that did not in any way diminish the pain we felt in losing Reagan. Time has helped us though. Life does go on. And the best way we felt we could honor her was to make sure her brother and sister know about her and know how much we love all 3 of them. I wish the best for you and your little ones. Feel free to email me if you'd like to chat.

As humans we grieve and hurt and get angry and depressed...all the emotions. The pain can be all encompassing and overpowering at times. Just to get out of bed is an effort and to be able to go to sleep is a relief. My comfort has come from knowing that God has a plan for everything. As time passes sometimes you discover the reason. Try to make peace with your loss. Remember you're making memories with your other children and all of those around you (your support group) and you're teaching others how to deal with loss. Your daughters are learning everything from you as their role model. They will learn the depth of your love and the depth of your grief, but the grace with which you handle this will carry them through their lives. I hope this is coming out correctly? The whole grieving process is 'normal'...I guess I'm trying to say...be careful to ...while not sugar coating it to your older children...also take time to yourself for private grieving so that it doesn't ... trouble them at such young ages. I hope that makes sense. Writing support and offering advice is hard because sometimes it may not be taken the way it is intended. And, this is intended with a huge hug and a prayer for your family.

M.,
First of all, nothing I can say will make your loss more bearable. I haven't been in your situation, but I have a very good friend who went through this about 2 years ago. Her story is very similar to yours. She had twin girls at about 25 weeks and I am not sure but I think they may also have had twin to twin transfusion. One of the girls passed away after fighting for 3 months, the other one is alive and well. She has done lots of networking with other "angel moms". I am sure she could be a lot of help to you. If you send me your e-mail address (I think there is a way to do that on here), I will pass it on to her. I will also ask her if I can give you her e-mail address. I will pray for baby Vaughn and for a mending of your heart. I am so sorry for your loss.

P.

M. let me start with telling you how sorry I am about the loss of you little man. I know how you feel. 5 year ago I was going to have triplets. My husband and i were happy and sacred at the sametime. We had loss a daughter 21 monthes early. She was born to early. When we loss our daughter I did not think I want any more children. When I was pg with my triplets everything was fine. I went into labor at 23 1/2 weeks. Our daughter Reagan was born. She had a 50/50. She did not make it. My heart was broke once again. I did not know if I would be able to stay pg with my other two babies. I did everything that my doctor told me to. I went into labor with my son and daughter on June 16th. They were born on fathers day. They were born at 27 weeks. I was sacred once againg that my dreams of having a baby to hold was not going to come true. With a lot of prayers form everyone. The babies did great. We did have some ups and downs. I will not tell you that the pain will go away but it will did get a little easlier. There is not a day that goes but that I do not think of my two girls. I think the oldest should be tell the other what to do. When I see TJ and Carissa doing things together I think that they should have someone else with them. They both know about their sister's. I have pictures of my girls. They love to look at their sister's. I also told everyone that I want to have 4 children. I got what I wanted. I have two here to hold and to watch over the family. I know someday I will be with them again. My son and daughter are doing great. If you looked at them now you would not know that they were born that early. They are taller then a lot of their friends. When i tell poeple about our story they do not believe when they look at them Thank to them they have help me though all of this. If you need to talk you can e-mail. It help me a lot to join some support group. Most the group were on line. I maked a lot of friend who were went though the samething. It help to have someone who you can talk who know were you are coming form. Like I said if you need to talk e-mail. It does help when you can talk or cry with some. It did that a lot.

I don't have any advice...just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

M.,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that I can't understand fully what you are going through, but I do feel for you. I agree that you need to take some time to greive. I will be praying for you, and we are all here if you need to vent.

To start off, I am truly sorry for your lose. On November 25th 2002, at 6:14pm I delivered a Stillborn baby boy. His name was Mark Thomas. This was very hard. It's still hard to this day. Not every day in fact, not every month. It's just whenever. What has helped us (husband, 2 daughters) is a support group & books. They have wonderful books. Plus a web site. http://www.aplacetoremember.com In Stillwater and Ponca City, Ok they have a group called Raindrops. It's wonderful. They have support meeting, books, movies etc.... If you are close to one of these towns. Give them a call. If you need to talk e-mail me. C. (mother of four children, 1 in heaven and 3 on earth. 14yr old D, 8 yrs old D and a 2 yr old S. )

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My daughter was born at 26 weeks and is now three and doing wonderful! She was born on June 14, 2004 and was in the NICU for 59 days and it seemed like she was never coming home. I found out about March of Dimes after I had her and was seeking support and they are great! There is also a support group out there called the Oklahoma Family Network. Let me know what hospital your little one is in and I can get you in touch with someone. There is also a website www.shareyourstory.org that is part of March of Dimes and it is a support network where you can go to ask questions or just find someone to talk to about your circumstances. It is a wonderful tool when going through what you are. My son was born at 28 weeks and throughout my entire pregnancy I was able to find answers for so many questions I had on the site and I could not have make it through without some of the people on there. If you ever want to talk my numer is ###-###-#### and don't hesitate to call because just having someone listen is sometimes all it takes. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

J.

M.,
I had my first child June 13, 2007. His name was Noah and he was 10 weeks early. When I was 5 months pregnant I found out he had a severe heart condition. They thought they would be able to fix it. At 29 weeks they put me in the hospital b/c they found, during an ultra sound, that he had fluid collecting around his skull and his abdomin. He was born exactly one week after I went into the hospital. I had to much amniotic fluid which caused me to go into early, extremly fast, labor. About 4 hours after he was born they did his first heart surgery. He had arotic stenosis. And about 5:30 the 14th we got the call that he wasn't doing well. We had to make the decision to turn the machines off at around 6:30 b/c it was quite noticable that he was not going to pull through. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. My first born, my Noah is gone. All I have to remember him by are some pictures and some stretchmarks!! I will say this though, it gets easier. As hard as that is to say, it really does. My husband and I are members at Church on the Move. They have been there for us every step of the way. They were there when I was put in the hospital and they came down when Noah died. They also did the service, paid for a few things, and have counseled us for the past several weeks. Without God, my family, friends, and counseling Iwould not be where I am today. I can actually tell people, w/o breaking down, that I had a son, he was beautiful, but now he is healthy and happy at home with Jesus. That makes me feel so good. I know its a long, one day, step by step process, but youw ill get through. I will be praying for Vaughn.