Licking

My 4 year old and I have the strongest bond that I could even imagine and she licks me all the time! I don't think it has anything to do with anxiety. She's just a nut and thinks it's hilarious.
My 5 year old nephew licked everyone for a while before he died and it's one of the funniest memories that we have of him. He was a nut too! Lol.
I wouldn't worry about it. She's just a little bitty kid. MY child runs around trying to lick my butt! :) Annoying, but adorable.

There are a few things you can check out, one of which I wish I knew about when I was a kid!

If you think it's just that she is oral, check out "chewelry." It is jewelry that is meant to be chewed, sucked, etc. I did that when I was a kid to all my jewelry, and it seems like the idea is still around... minus the toxic paint.

If you think there may be sensory or other issues going on, have her evaluated by an occupational therapist. There may be more going on than you realize. That's what happened with my son! Once we knew what he was going through, it made our relationship a lot better.

My 4.5 year old is the same. I never thought that "please don't lick the checkout counter" would be a sentence out of my mouth.
My DD sucks on her hair, her clothes, her hands and licks or "tastes" random stuff like toys etc. Mostly it's boredom, partially habit and a dash of insecurity and apart from it being gross and annoying I can't really complain about any side effects. She us not sick ( so no worries about germs) no issues with her teeth either. Why? Some kid are just like that: mine doesn't have special needs nor has she any developmental or sensory issues and my ped has assured me that she will eventually outgrow it.
I also keep gently reminding and I am considering cutting her hair a bit shorter to help break the habit ( but not as a punishment). To keep her fingers out of her mouth I occasionally paint her nails, which she loves, and tell her if she wants polish she needs to leave them out of her mouth.

I hope you can fix your relationship, it's such an important age where any source of insecurity can really be devastating down the road.
Good luck!

I know lots of 4 year olds that still do this to some small degree, my 4 year old licked me the other day and it caught me by surprise. We talked about germs and manners. I got a book explaining germs too that we read together.

And what Dawn said, read the previous advice, especially since this is an ongoing thing for her. Occupational therapy is extremely beneficial. It helps reshape behaviors like fixations and anxieties and gives children and their parents tools to help them progress. It may even help your relationship with your daughter. That is very disheartening that you consider your relationship with your 4 year old already broken. It's amazing you don't see the value in something such as this, given your educated background as a university professor.

She may have anxiety, too. It's not always easy being a child, who doesn't have a good maternal bond to her mother. I speak from experience. I didn't outgrow my anxious behaviors, until I gave up being close with my mom. You're working on your relationship with her, perhaps it will get better as your relationship is strengthened. (If it's due to anxiety.)

She knows you find it annoying, trust me. It gets your attention. Hence, the licking. Bad attention, is still attention.

Hopefully she will outgrow it.

Do you think it's an attention seeking thing?
Maybe she senses the lack of a bond between you?

Please ask your ped for a referral to an Occupational Therapist who works with kids who have oral defensiveness/fixations. She can help. You should also cut her hair short around her face while you are working with the OT.

You need to address this now and not wait for it to manifest itself in other ways. I just realized that you mention that you two have trouble with your relationship. This is a way of helping work on it, whether or not you believe in OT and these kinds of therapies.

ETA: J., your past question had good answers - please revisit the advice.
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/12673876285693558785

Good luck,
Dawn

Sounds like she might have a sensory processing disorder if her licking is excessive or inappropriate, or reminders don't work. She may not grow out of this, but with gentle direction may be able to modify her behavior. Whatever you do, don't punish. You may even talk to her pediatrician about it.

In the interim, Read "The Out of Sync Child," by Carol Kranowitz . You may get a better understanding as to why she does these things, and may find other behaviors she has are related to this behavior as well. Based on your comment about "broken" relationships, I suspect you have tension with this child. Perhaps she has something going on that is undiagnosed and you're internalizing it as a problem with your relationship with her, when she actually may be dealing with something unrelated to typical defiance or purposeful misbehavior? Just a thought.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Out---Sync-Child-Recognizing/dp...

It's a form of anxiety.
Just like nail biting or thumb sucking or a hundred other things.
Please go to the library and check out some books on the subject. My youngest is VERY anxious (I am too to a lesser extent.) You can't help her with her behavior until you UNDERSTAND it.
Also speak to her doctor about it. S/he will have some advice and possibly referrals.
Trust me, educate yourself, your relationship with your daughter will improve dramatically when you have some tips and tools in dealing with her particular issues!

Kids do gross things sometimes.

My main concern with the question and follow-up is that you are TTC again when you are having such issues with your current littles (lack of sleep- yours and theirs, stressors, etc.) I know tone can't be conveyed in text, but please believe me that I am coming from a place of concern and not judgment. You will get even LESS sleep during pregnancy and w/a newborn, and while that is temporary, that year or two of focusing on those things might hurt your current relationships w/your kids (not to mention DH, if you are super stressed/exhausted all the time) might do a lot of long-term damage.

It sounds like you are on the right track w/getting her some oral stimulation toys. Four year olds still nurse in most of the world, so being very oral at this age is nothing to be concerned about, and some people just are more than others (errrr... smokers? ;) )

There are great websites out there w/toys that aren't super expensive- I love Sensory Edge, and eBay and Amazon can be good too. I have some items stashed in my purse, the car, and in the kitchen for times when my kids start chewing/licking.

Sorry if I repeated anything- I didn't go through and read the responses. Hopefully you will get some peace with things soon.

Yes she will out grow it! Soonish? Is that a good time frame :)
When depends on the kid. When my little one did this we'd say kitties lick you are not a kitty or puppy. Sometimes I'd say honey that is weird, but I tried to stick to nicer way to say it.
I didn't want to draw too much attention to it, and yes ewwww gross.

This is the same child that ate sand, play doh & most other things till around 4, I cringed at the sand, but that stopped too.

As all things this too shall pass.

Take a deep breath mama.

I'm very oral. Always have been. I was born with a cleft lip and wasn't able to breastfeed, use a bottle, suck my thumb. None of that stuff that typical babies do. As such, my doctor says I am trying to make up for it now. I smoke. I chew on pens. I seem to always have something in my mouth. Now that I have braces that makes it so much harder! (Shockingly I've never chewed my nails!)

I think the chewing bracelet and necklace would be good for her!

*hugs*