I am curious on how I should have handled this situation. My daughter has a friend, whom she is not super close to but she sometimes plays with. She was invited, along with twenty other kiddo's to my daughter's b-day party. A week before the party her mom asks me if I can transport her daughter to the party and basically watch her the entire day. I am not super happy with the request, let her know it will be an inconvience, but she pushes so I relent. THEN I find out through the school rumor mill that the little girl has head lice, right now. Not her fault, (not that it could ever be) but she has lice. I am pissed. The mom never mentioned this to me, I was wondering what was going on with the little girls hair (she suddenly is wearing it in braids, and it has NEVER been in a braid). I am pissed b/c I don't want to bring a contagious situation on to a bunch of other kids, and I am pissed because I have a two year old with major health problems, and the chemicals used to treat lice could harm him (he has CKD). I am also pissed because I was not told. The party is coming up, and i've told the little girls mom that I will not be taking her daughter - but should I tell her why. Am I right to expect to be notified BEFORE agreeing to have a little girl with me and my children all day long of health hazard?
I should explain, it is a rumor mill at the school - but I got the information from an extremely reliable source who only told me b/c my daughter has hair that goes past her butt and wears it down, and b/c of the fragile health of my youngest child. Head lice might not be a health hazard - I think that is debatable, given that the black plague was spread by fleas, even if its not a health hazard to most, with a child that is spends a enough time in the intensive care unit to recognize the staff, I don't want to take any chances, and even "natural" products are dangerous to a child with chronic kidney disease. I do really appreciate the feedback, I gather from some that I may have over reacted but I also see that I need to distance myself from this particular parent because it really was to much for her to push for me to watch her child for ten hours on my child's big day anyway.
I never asked the other mom about the headlice. I did not transport her child to the event. It was more then a request for a ride, as one parent suggested - she was asking me to watch her child for hours before the event in my home, take her to the event, and take her back home. I have in the last year watched her daughter, she has never watched mine. Her daughter is difficult to watch, I probably should not have invited her to the party for that simple reason. I do not expect everybody to understand the serious risks of CKD - those with experience will understand that normal and safe products carry unexpected risks to those with CKD, depending of course on the stage of the CKD. Luckily my son is not that advanced, but there are others for whom too many banannas can be toxic. Its a whole different ball game, so I appreciate the responses that did not attempt to argue with me over whether or not head lice is a health hazard. We all know that the only certain thing in life is death. CDC website mentions that body lice (louse) is known to carry diseases, so it might be unknown if Lice carries disease, but its a far cry to say that "science has proven the safety of lice". The party went very well. The little girl with Lice did show up, the school did send a note home about the lice, but only to the classroom with the outbreak (third outbreak this year). The school did not send the note home before the rumors started, but rumors spread fast in our school because (possibly) we have a large number of parents who work in the classrooms every day and the parents who do that tend to get together and discuss what is going on... For those who asked, my son is doing pretty well, he is not scheduled for a transplant and we are just trying to monitor the situation. Thank you all for your answers, I do think I should have talked to the other mother but I also think I will refuse to watch her daughter in the future.
My daughter had lice last year. I FREAKED-I've never had lice, my husband hadn't...it was something other kids had. Plus, she had almost waist length hair! It was totally not fun, but we had all the nits out and house cleaned with 24 hrs. As long as the mom was proactive and thorough, the risk will be gone within a week. If I were you, I'd just ask her!
First of all, this is a RUMOR. You don't know anything for sure. And even if she does/did have lice, I'm sure the mother has treated her and within a week she should be fine to come to your party.
Lice can't jump or hop or fly. They can only crawl. As long as that child doesn't put her head directly next to anyone else's head, they should be okay.
You said you're pissed because she didn't tell you but you also said that the mom asked you about this a week ago and the child has lice now. How could she have said something to you about it a week ago when she might not have known at that point in time. If she's treating it now, the little girl should be fine to come to your party.
First, it's not a health hazard regardless of the ick factor. You don't need to treat lice with chemicals, and the chemicals aren't thought to really work anyway. It's more of an icky nuisance.
That said, I can't imagine the mom not informing you of this. Maybe she thinks she's totally resolved the issue. Who knows. There is a service we have here that totally combs through the hair and removes all nits. It's pretty effective. If she had done that with her daughter, she may not think it's a relevant issue anymore.
My boys had lice a couple of years ago. We treated as soon as we found it and they were gone. We did the second treatment a week later just to be sure, and we've never seen them again. So, anyway, I'm guessing her parents likely treated her immediately and that they are already gone, so no worries.
ETA:
As for lice being a health hazard being debatable, it's not. Science has already proved it not.
As for the mom getting you to drive her daughter to the party-where I am from parents NEVER attend birthday parties of school age children. When we hold a party we watch all of the children in attendance. That is what the party host does. So, the way I see it is she is just asking for a drive.
It would be a kind courtesy for the other mom to have let you know ahead of time. That said, many people feel (unnecessarily) ashamed of lice, especially if they haven't had experience with it before. Maybe the other mom was still trying to figure out how to tell you when you cancelled....
In any event, it's true what others have said that lice can be treated naturally. It is still an expense - both financially and the time it takes to treat it (laundry, literal nit-picking, etc.). I wouldn't wish it on anyone and think it would have been irresponsible of the other mom not to be up front with you about it.
You have already told her ou are not taking and watching the lil' girl. i would leave it at that and count yourself lucky that you got out of that! What a HUGE headache for you!!!
~Honestly, is this Mother someone you are really close too? I think it is BEYOND rude for her to ask you to pick up her kid and watch her all day on YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY! I would have had no problem what-so-ever saying "What lil' suzy can't come b/c she needs a ride, no I can not come get her. Maybe she can make it next time"! and I am a people pleaser but this Mother is asking too much of you, regardless of the 'Lice' factor! But the LICE factor is a biggie and I don't care what others say...having lice in your house is a HUGE headache and one I don't care to take on simply so one little girl can go to a b-day party! Call me mean, whatever I don't care...that is totally my take on it!
Glad you dodged that bullet!
You are right, R.. She shouldn't be asking you to watch her child all day...during the party is one thing, but before, during and after is much too much. You already have enough going on. As for the lice, I guess it's not a health hazard, but what a big huge contaious pain...would never wish it upon anybody. The only thing you could do, but only if you want to, is --since the lice could be a rumor -- tell her you heard a rumor that her daughter has lice and ask if she really does. Explain how contagious it is and you don't feel comfortable taking a chance and possibly exposing your children.
Where I am, mothers call and ask if you want to keep a playdate or cancel it once their child has comedown with a cough or cold. Some mothers are much pickier or have different health issues in the household than others (as you do).It's just plain common sense. Lice should be no different. The catch here, is to know whether the girl currently has the lice or not. There is no other way than to ask the mother, as awkward as it may be. Personally lice would wig me out. I wouldn't be comfortable having a person in my house unless thay had been lice free for a month. That way you know they got their house clean and the lice hasn't returned to the childs hair. Just because they treat the child doesn't mean they are diligent about their house. Lice can be a very difficult problem to get control over.
That said, it is extremely bold and rude to ask you to babysit on your daughters birthday. Really?! Getting ready for a party is plenty of work as it is - babysitting before/after shouldn't enter into the mix unless you have OFFERED to do it. I would do it for my best friend for instance. I assume you have never babysat this girl before. So the first time you are asked to watch her (as well as transport her!) is on your daughters birthday? Weird. It doesn't sound like she gave you any reason either (My car is is the shop and I have no way to get her to the party etc). Besides, any good reason she could give would probably be a last minute type thing (illness, car breakdown etc), not something with a weeks notice. Good luck to you however you handle it - hope it all turns out ok. Hope your daughters b-day is spectacular!
Head lice is not a health hazard....don't use the chemicals to treat it because they don't work anyway and they're bad for ALL children.
Other than that this child would not be in school if she had head lice. She may have had lice at some point but they would not let her back in until she was clear. So the braids is probably how she's trying to keep them out of her girls hair better.
I would tell the mom that it's not going to happen because you'll be busy all day with the plans for the party and just don't have time or energy to babysit along with all that you'll already be doing.
Hi R., I know about your concern. It is not a crime to have it, but one if you do not take care of it. I would ask the mother if she had problems with lice, as some of the parents are and looking to help each other by having all the children checked, to make sure they do not have it and pass it on to the other children and see what she says. If she does what is needed she will get rid of it. My son had it several times and I checked all of the boys and found the carrier. Finally got rid of it. How is your youngest doing? I don't like to hear babies being sick. Are you doing anything to rebuild the immune system? You take care of your babies and yourself. Happy New Year. N. Marie
Wow. First, no mother should ever expect another one to watch their kid when they are having a birthday party that day. That is plain rude. I would've said no to that from the start! As to the lice issue, it isn't a health 'hazard', but it is a pain and just gross to most people. B/c you have to wash the hair with specific stuff, comb it out, and then wash all the other stuff that comes into contact with the hair (with little boys sometimes that includes carpets) -- it is a real pain and carries a bad stigma. I haven't heard of the shampoo being a health hazard -- but I haven't had much experience with it (just once -- I am a nurse).
The main thing that caused me to pause in this situation is that if someone at school has had lice, usually a note is sent home with that person's class so that the parents are aware to be watchful of it (just like pink eye or other really contagious things). I would contact your school to see if something like that is supposed to happen. Good luck!!!
Forget the lice issue. Who asks you to watch their kid the day of YOUR child's party? That's nuts in itself IMHO. I would just decline on the grounds that it's your daughter's day and you need to focus on her.
