ADDENDUM: It seems that this site is actually not mothers that are responding. Perhaps I did not give readers enough information, but this nanny was receiving $500/4 days of work and could not stay for any less. In addition, I offered to help her get a driver's license on several occasions, but she was not interested. I am looking for support because I did what we had to do for our family, so please respond only if you are a mother who has gone through something similar.
Thanks for your respect.
We have been fortunate to have a nanny that lives with us 4 days a week since my first child was born prematurely 5 years ago and my husband and I returned to work and our crazy schedules. She has become a part of our family and all of our memories are intertwined with her. Unfortunately, due to finances and the need for someone with transportation (she did not drive), we had to let her go yesterday. It was horrible and she was beyond upset. I am completely devastated and feel like I just betrayed a friend, cannot imagine our lives without her, and am scared to trust someone else, but must. Any advice from someone that might have been through this? I have not been able to sleep for 3 nights now.....
You should have given her 2 weeks notice so she would have some time to adjust and make plans for herself.
The pay was quite generous for 4 days did she live there the rest of the week?
Kids will adjust and will take some time for you all to adjust to new person.
I think a lack of responses has more to do with I don't know anyone who's had live in help, and not many (in the USA, anyway) know how to deal with servant relations/negotiations. As with any employer/employee relationship (and it IS one no matter how much she feels like family), most have a firm idea of definite beginnings/endings. When you hired her, did you go over when she would leave? When the kids were school age or in middle school or off to collage? Or was she going to stay on as a house keeper? As a professional Nanny, did she think she'd spend her whole career with one family? The financial unrest of the last few years has upset many peoples plans. Some who wanted to retire are now scrambling to find jobs and health care coverage, and there's a lot of competition for the few jobs there are. You can try to negotiate a new contract, and please write it all out in a contract, but ripping the band aid off quickly might be the cleanest, kindest way to move forward for all parties involved. I'm very sorry your family is suffering through this.
As a previous Nanny both live-in and live-out, I would have ask if you sat down with her and told her about your finances? I mean she does live with you so hopefully you were not paying her over and above. I have to agree with Terri. Did you ask her to get her driver liscense? Did you explaine to her before hand about what is happening? Did you "Just" let her go, or did you give her notice of some sort? Where will she stay? I mean she has been living with you for 5 years. I would be devasted as well if I was either partie. Please call her and invite her over so that you all can talk. I believe that it is in your best childs interest to remain close with her. Thanks
Hi D.,
I am a Mom (currently) and a full-time live-out nanny (previously.)
I can't say I exactly understand what happened, but just wanted to suggest a couple things:
1. Your children will miss her, but they'll get over it. The kids I took care of were always interested to see former nannies, but not too interested. I always knew that when I left the family, they'd kind of forget about me, too. Although I hoped I'd left some impression on them.
2. If there's any way to keep her involved in your lives (weekend baby sitting or evenings?) I'm sure she'd appreciate it. I was with a family for 3 years over 15 years ago, and I still think about the kids and wonder how they are. I've tried to keep in touch, but fell out of communication many years ago when the family moved to California. Maybe you could even keep her until you find someone new. When I left the family, I tried to stay until they found someone (the same way you would in a corporate job) but it didn't work out. They took too long to find someone else. (The Mom stayed home, so I guess it wasn't urgent for her.)
3. In any case, if you feel like you did things badly, I think you should reach out to her and try to rectify the situations. While its true, she is/was a paid employee, its also true she was/is part of your family. Its a difficult situation, for both sides. If you're not an HR associate in your working life, I think it would be tough to know how to handle things.
Know that nanny situations are rarely permanent. I've seen some (and experienced some) which actually DID turn into lifelong friendships... but some were just jobs, no matter how long they lasted. Don't put your guilt or bad feelings onto her, but if you let her go in a way that caused her hardship, try to rectify that. I think this will open up the path for future friendship.
Weird to see men on this site.
I don't have any personal experience, but just wanted to say that it sounds like a Live in Nanny was right for your family for a while, but maybe now you have other options that might work for you and give you piece of mind. If you don't feel you can trust an individual maybe a group day care would work for your youngest while the oldest is in school. Many have secure webcams that you can check while you are at work. etc. Good luck moving through the next phase.
Did u ask her to get lisence and did u talk to her aboput before letting her go
hi D.. i am very sorry for how you must be feeling and being worried about your future, your children's future, and your nanny's future. it sounds like you are a good person, who truly had the best of intentions and had a tough decision to make concerning this.
i am not sure what was so misleading in your post to others... but from what i got from it was that this nanny lived with you only part time, "4 days a week." (Your words.) so it is my understanding that she was living elsewhere for the other 3 days a week. so she obviously had somewhere else to go, and you are not an inconsiderate monster who is throwing someone out in the snow. the fact that she was living here for 4 days, AND getting 500 bucks sounds awesome! i want that job! lol.
i don't have any advice other than i thought if the nanny lived with the family... the room and board was sort of part of the package deal. and then days off, use of a car, above and beyond spending money, going on paid trips with the family... was all the better?
if she was getting 500 a week for 4 days of work... thats 125 a day everyone, probably tax free. i am sure that you most likely were not gone more than 8 hours for your own job... so unless she was working slave labor (for lack of of better term, no offense intended) 24 hours straight on those days... she was getting over 15 bucks an hour AND a place to stay those days.
i think you were very good to her from what it sounds to me. and i respectfully disagree with those who are jumping to conclusions, and/or did not fully read your post that she WOULD NOT stay for any less... which means you obviously talked to her about it previously before letting her go, hence why you knew she wouldnt stay for any less money.
i wish you luck in your search for a new path for your family. i do agree it is hard to find someone you can trust. i am sorry it didnt work out with this woman and i don't think it would hurt to send her a letter letting her know you think the world of her and would keep her if you could afford it.
we are in a poor economy right now that is effecting more of us than not. we are ALL forced to make changes in our lives right now to accommodate this economy. i think you are doing the best that you can given the hard decisions you had in front of you. i am sending positive vibes your way and i hope you are able to find some peace with this.
Hi, D.:
Is there some way to meet each other half way.
How about family mediation.
Can she learn to drive?
Just want to know. Good luck. D.
I have nothing to offer but wanted to say that I'm sorry people are so harsh and don't really read something before posting.
How sad. Your kids must be devastated as well!
I'm asking myself the same questions: did the nanny have somewhere to go, did you give her notice to find another job? If things are tight for you didn't you think how things would be for her? I'm sure you both could have come to an agreement to make things easier for everyone.
Personally if I were her I wouldn't want to come back. Someone that's been there caring for your children for 5 years you don't just "let go". That's just me.
If she is willing to talk with you she must truly adore those children! I hope you can work something out!
I don't mean to be harsh, I'm not in your situation & perhaps there are more details. Just giving my honest opinion. I'd call her, please be sure she knows you appreciate her for the last 5 years and that it's not her fault! Good care givers are hard to come by!
Best wishes Mama!
WOW, i would have been devastated if i was her as well. She has grown attatched to your family since she has been with you's and cared for your children for 5 years! Did she have somewhere to move to since she lived with you? Did you ask her if she would be willing to get her license? Did you talk to her about maybe cutting her pay just until yous get back to where yous need to be as far as financially? Since she lived with you, i dont see why that would have been a problem! I don't see why you would let someone go who had been a trustable person in your family for five years without notice! Also, you say it will be hard to trust someone new so if you are still in need of a sitter, why wouldnt you try and work things out with her?
My suggestion, i would call her up and ask her over for dinner and talk to her about everything and see if there is something that can be worked out! My opinion is you obviously made a big mistake!
