Letting Go

You're not crazy, you're a mom! Something happens to us when we become mothers. Sometimes, we become a new, different person than what we thought we were. I was raised to be very independent. Before I met my husband, I had a career, car, mortgage, graduate-school education, etc. I always knew that I would return to work after having children, and the idea of daycare never phased me. Here I am a few years later as a stay at home mom! I returned to work after my maternity leave and felt much the same way as you do now. I left my job after a few months back. I just couldn't find the balance I was hoping for. That's not to say that either road is better than the other (working mom or SAHM). I'm just saying that each family's situation is unique, and you just have to listen to your heart as to what is right for yours logistically, financially, emotionally, etc.

Naturally, it is difficult to leave your infant with a stranger. I think your feelings are completely normal. However, it does get easier to leave them over time. I would encourage you to get to know your daycare providers personally and comfort yourself with facts about the facility's safety measures, curriculum, activities, etc. If you are confident that your child is in a safe, loving environment, it does get easier. Good luck to you!

I'm also a student and my husband just graduated from las school. I have always stayed home with out kids and do all my classes online now. I was dropping them off this past fall semester though and hated it. It broke my heart everyday, especially at the end when my oldest son started telling my that he didn't want to go.

Financially it's very hard for us also but I feel like it's worth the sacrifice. True, I don't have the huge house or brand new SUV that I want but I know that me being home is more important. I can always go back to work part-time when they are all in school.

I also just started selling CTMH! I have my jumpstart party next Saturday. Wish me luck!!

Hi M.,
Your feelings are totally normal. With my first son I found a job across the street from me so I could come home to see him. My grandmother kept him while I worked. My youngest boy had to go to daycare and the first time he was 7 months, he cried every day and I had to leave work and pick him up. I was told by doctors to stay home with him for a year. I wanted to give it a try and this job was 5 minutes from the sitter. I like to say he cried because she didn't have any teeth because he would be happy to get picked up. A couple of months later I found another job and a new sitter and begged her to give my mama's baby boy a chance and he loved her. she kept him until he went to school. I didn't have to worry with her. If you find the right sitter that you will miss your baby but you won't have to worry, everything will be just fine. hope this helps.

L.

M.,

A lot of moms have anxiety about leaving their children. I've been very lucky to have a large extended family to leave mine with when necessary. (Usually my mom or one of my two sisters or my paternal grandmothers and aunts). It doesn't make it much easier. The first few times you do worry a bit.

I'd like to make the suggestion that you try the gym BUT the first time you go tell them you are an anxious mommy and would like to stay for awhile to get used to the idea of her staying. Most daycare people are understanding. Stay with her in the daycare center for awhile or for the whole time the first time. Let them take care of her and just stand off to the side. If you feel as if you need to step in (unless it is an emergency) try to let them handle it. If you feel it is an emergency or they aren't doing the job you expected them to, then of course step in. If everything is going alright after you've been there a bit and calmed a bit, you can try to go workout. If you don't get to the workout the first time, don't sweat it. If they do a good job the first time, go back a day or so later and try again. This time try to only stay a few minutes or not at all. Try to get to your workout as soon as possible. If you are finding it difficult to workout with your daughter in daycare, only do half of your workout that day and work your way up to the full time.

Also, when you do go back to Nursing school. Ease your mind a bit by making an appointment for your daughter to meet her new daycare people and get used to them. A time when you can be there, too. That way your daughter will get used to them and you will get to see how they work, also, which should give you a little peace of mind.

I hope this helps and good luck.

hey M. there is nothing wrong with you. i am sorta going thru the same thing. i am a active R.N. and i know daily that i chose the wrong profession!!!! i was currently working a weekend program and that was tough working every weekend but my daughter who is now 2 1/2 was kept out of the daycare enviroment up until now because starting in june i am going to be starting a new job mon-fri 8-4 everyday with every weekend off and every blessed holiday off. i had started my daughter in her daycare the beginning of may to get her to be adjusted in the most healthy manner i on the other hand am still a mess its the maternal guilt. i mean i am doing all this for her but i stll fell like she is getting cheated. i feel i made the right chioce with the daycare i chose i mean she has only gone q tues and thur for like 4 rs a day 8-12 an the first day i cried like the biggest baby. my advise to you would be do not surf the internet!!!! there is so much negativity on there about daycare and i feel that added to my already huge guilt issue. every day will get easier its the adjusting to new things that takes time yo need to be realistic with yourself and also our children adjust way more faster then us as adults. good luck and keep loving that baby from head to toe everyday !!!!! take care H.

M.,

Gosh, I thought I was the only one! I too can't go to my gym because I don't want to leave my 2 year old with anyone. It's just a trust isssue we have...I suppose we don't trust people. And there is nothing wrong about feeling that way...it's the crazy world we live in. And we LOVE our child. But we do need to let go...and it's going to be hard.

Take care
L.

Hi M.. I can totally relate to how you feel. I stayed home with my daughter until she turned one, and then started parttime at work. It was really really difficult to leave her. I just wanted to let you know, I found a great opportunity to be home with my daughter and make a great income. This may not be a fit for you, however its changing alot of peoples lives and I just wanted to share it. You can watch this video clip and if anythings perks your interest I can get you more info. Just copy and paste into your browser.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=special_coverage...

Good luck with everything!!!
L.

I know the feeling. I think it is something about little girls. My little girl was born on 11-9-06. I hate the thought of leaving her with complete strangers. I would rather her stay with family. But i also know for her to grow and be on her own in the future I will have to let her go.

go by your mother insticts, when you put her in a daycare. but just remember that you will be back soon to be with her.

I think the media puts everyone in panic mode when it comes to our children. We see horrible images on tv, hear about horrible stories of young children or infants being kindnapped, never to be seen again. It's really awful how the media can instill panic into a person.

I think you should take baby steps (pardon the pun!) when it comes to leaving your child with someone. Start out by leaving her for an hour. Then slowly build up to half a day and then eventually a whole day. I think once you start out slowly like that, your panic will subside and you will see that she really is fine.

Of course, take the proper precautions when interviewing a daycare facility. Ask about security, what they do in an emergency etc. Check out all your options. Look at facilities, family childcare homes and friends and relatives who might be willing to help you.

Best of luck!

your feelings are perfectly normal. what i would do before you go full time back to school is to go to the gym so you can watch your daughter from afar so you can see she will be fine then it will get easier....

hello there,
i dont have your exact issue with having to go back to work but i understand the issues you may be having with someone else watching your child...i am somewhat in the same boat..i am a stay at home mom to two kids...and while i would LOVE to go out by myself or even with my husband i will not let just anyone watch my child...i have had many people (even my sons speech therapist)tell me to go to the local y and see if any teenagers have posted up a sign looking to babysit...are they crazy??NEVER!!...my husband and i argue about this all the time...he wants me to go to babysitters.com and pick a babysitter...nope....not going to happen...i know people who got private daycare from an ad in the paper...i couldnt do that either...now,i let my husband take my four year old son to the daycare at the gym...i have my son in a preschool two days a week but when signing him up for a summer program(he loves going to school)i felt uneasy putting him in for three days (and its only four hours a day)... is it a trust issue?or is it leaving the kids...if its a trust thing, than you can check out a daycare place several times(more if need be)drop in unexpectedly, check them out online etc..or see if someone you know and trust has someone watch thier kids..maybe you could have them watch yours for a fee...if its more the being apart from your daughter,then you may just have to work through it...perhaps you could work only part time in the beginning or if you are able to, flex your schedule around so you work while she is sleeping...i wish you the very best..R.