I have an only son who will be 4.5 next month. He seems pretty independent to me, but of course I don't have anything to compare to and I don't remember what I was like. My husband remembers more of his childhood, but he was a bit of a prodigy so I don't think I can use him as a yardstick.
I'm wondering how many things my son should be doing for himself at this age? He can dress himself, feed himself (though he prefers fingers, he does fine with utensils). He gets things when you ask him, likes to do things for himself - put on backpack, etc.
Bedtime routine is more me being hands on and I'm not sure how much should be me, how much should be him. Bathtime-he'll play in there till the dirt falls off (lol), but he's not into washing purposefully - that's me. Teeth brushing - we have a Thomas motorized brush that he likes, and I'll brush his teeth. Sometimes he's interested, but of course he can't get everywhere yet. I'm talking to him about how to do it as I do it, but he seems to not be hugely interested yet.
I don't want to be one of those moms that does everything for her kid, but I want him to be taken care of. Am I on track? Thanks!
Sounds like you're doing great! We Moms are so hard on ourselves. I've pushed my kids to do more so they can be independent also. Now they're 10 and 11 and really don't need much but guidance from me. That is our purpose though isn't it? To raise self-sufficent, good human beings?? :)
I think your on the right track :)
If your ever worried your doing too much, just take a step back and follow his lead on doing things by himself. Even if he does it wrong atleast he is trying and keep encouraging him to do a little bit more each time.
at 4.5 he isn't going to be washing or brushing his teeth the way they need to be done. I was still helping my kids 6. More just going over what they did just to make sure.
I'm glad you posted this, because I have similar questions about my 3.5 year old. Dad tends to do for her and I tend to push her to do for herself. I will definitely look forward to others' responses!
I think you answered your own question. YOU must feel it is time he starts to do more on his own or you wouldn't be asking. :)
I have a daughter who is going on 4. She dresss herself, brushes her own teeth (we might intervene if it's looking sloppy), and has a few chores around the house (sets the table, picks up all toys she and her baby sister get out, puts away some of the clothes once washed, and closes doors on our way of the house). She also gets her own juice/milk/water out of the fridge (we keep straw sippy cups filled). She puts her dirty dishes in the sink. We do wash her in the tub and assist with putting her pull up on after that. She does the rest. She is just learning to brush her own hair.
My philosophy is to teach our kids to do everything they can at each developmental level. My goal as a parent is to raise independent CITIZENS who will be good parents and partners.
I lived with too many people in college that had never cleaned a bathroom. That's ridiculous!
Hope this was helpful. Let him do more if you think that he can. Give him regular jobs. This is the age they want to help and a great time to learn to do it. My daughter will pick up trash or dirty laundry off the floor and put it where it goes because she has learned that it doesn't go on the floor and it has a place. :) Love it!
Your hygeine routine is on the right track. You can also give him chores around the house. He can take a sponge and wipe the counters off. He can pick up his own room. He can fold laundry. He can line his shoes up and put his clothes in the right drawers. I have mine help me clean out the car. They bring in the mail. They like to try to help with food prep too. They both want to butter thier own bread and put peanut butter and jelly on. They can't do that yet, but I let them try 1st, then they ask me to do it. Thats the key for us. I let them try it and only step in when they ask for help.
He sounds great! Soon he may want to learn to tie his shoes. Do not push this.. It is a fine motor skill and can take till they are in kinder to figure out.
Give him multiple instructions and see if he can complete them without reminders.
"I am getting ready to go to the store, I need your help. Honey will you please go and get the grocery bags and put them next to my purse? I also need you to put my cell phone in my purse. It is on my dresser. Remember we do not buy snacks and drinks at the store. Go to the kitchen and pick out a snack and a juice box for yourself and please bring me a water bottle. Thank you.." Always congratulate him on helping you and remembering these things. In the beginning this may be a lot, so you can build up to it.
I used to call out the list of groceries we would be shopping for. Then at the store I would ask our daughter to remind me, What do we need here in the fruit area. On the pasta aisle.. what did we need on this aisle? At 4.5 he can sit down and "write" a list along with you. He can draw pictures of the items or write the letters he knows for certain items. Let him write out all of the dairy items or the bakery items.. Of course do this the day before not right before you are getting ready to go to the store.
Let him carry his own list and ask him to "remind you what is on his list".
Have him sort the clothes in 3 laundry baskets. Have him help you take the dry clothes out of the dryer.
He can button all of the shirts that are hangers and zip all of the zippers (fine motor therapy). Eventually this can be one of his chores.
Never fear! He sound like he's moving along nicely doing things for himself. At bedtime he is likely tired and/or distracted after his day so it's natural you would be more hands-on at that time. Don't sweat it at all..
If you want you could start a tooth-brushing reward chart for his brushing mostly on his own with a one-minute brush afterward from you. Also, try out those tablets the dentist can give you where kids can chew them and the harmless dye shows where brushing is needed -- if he would think that was fun, try that with him to show him why it's so important to brush. (Do not use a whole tablet! It will be way too dark and hard to get off. Half a tablet or even a bit less is enough for a small kid!)
If he responds well, you could work up to giving him one small chore a week that is all his but don't expect perfection and do remind him to do it. I'd suggest that if he has a bedroom trash can, that one day a week you say it's trash time and you watch him empty it into the kitchen trash. That' s it. I wouldn't wait for him to do it or say later, "Did you remember?" at this age. That's for later. Go with him, watch him do it, check it off his monthly "Trash can chart" and praise him.
